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Subject: No, he hasn't been this nervous before and that is upsetting me also...

Author:
Christine

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Date Posted: 16:51:05 08/05/06 Sat
Author Host/IP: doc-24-32-0-80.terrell.tx.cebridge.net/24.32.0.80
In reply to: Beth 's message, "Has Robert been this nervous with the other kids???" on 16:23:43 08/05/06 Sat

I haven't really gone into this story much because it isn't that nice of a story but. When I was pregnant with Robert (#1) I was only 20 years old and I was still pretty stupid and had no idea of what to expect. I know when he was conceived and I was sure of my dates because I was as regular as clockwork. The doctor kept telling me that I was new to being pregnant and didn't know what to expect. I kept telling them that he felt huge and no-one listened. They sonogrammed me and said he was undersized and let me go almost a month late.

In the end they still eneded up inducing me because even that late I was only about 1-2 cm dialated. Well when it was time to deliver they realized that he was way bigger than anyone thought he was. He was already let's say half in and half out and it was quickly reaching a nightmare episode of E.R. The doctor quickly gave me a spinal block and did an episiodomy that was so huge it would scare you. They used forcepts and like rib spreaders to free the baby. Poor Robert actually stood there and watched becuse he didn't realize how bad it was about to get. He has never fully recovered from seeing that mess.

After that it only got worse, I started hemmoraging so badly and I kept refusing blood transfusionsand they kept telling me that as soon as I passed out they would "do what they needed to do to save me" I was afraid of getting tainted blood, a real fear in 1989 and getting a total hysterectomy to stop the bleeding so I never passed out. I passed clots bigger than grapefruits and not much smaller than soccer balls for days and days. After having Robbie they ran lots of test and told me that there was so much damage and scar tissue that I would never have any more children. It took months to barely recover and it was ugly and messy and I was very, very sick for a long time.

A year or so later I did manage to get pregnant and that is the baby that I went over 4 months with and then lost. They then again told me that it was due to the damage from having Robbie and that I really shouldn't try again. Never did figure it out but by my next re-check I was pregnant with Tegan and put on mostly bedrest and I was freaked out of my mind. That is when I really packed on the pounds. I spent months sitting around eating non stop.

Anyway Robert tells me today that he is afraid that we are headed down the same path that we went down with Robert and I know that he is really, really frightened. Despite bugging each other a lot we are very close and have almost never been apart in 20 years. We really don't have anyone else to depend on except each other and I know he was being nothing but totally honest and I totally blew it.

I will not put him through that. I will respect his feelings and I am not going to use this homebirth as my final stand. When this is all said and done I stillhave a marriage and kids to take care of. I am not sure what the insurance will do. I think they will cover most of it and that if I transfer care my midwife becomes my advocate and all of my medical records transfer from her to the hospital. What a mess.

Christine

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
Will your midwife attend the birth at the hospital?	Lori	18:40:04 08/05/06 Sat
I agree with Lori... -- Beth, 19:30:19 08/05/06 Sat