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Date Posted: 17:45:52 04/22/02 Mon
Author: Andy Hayward
Author Host/IP: mktg.surrart.ac.uk / 193.62.44.254
Subject:

Deciphering ads

Handy Dictionary to decipher Personals Ads
WOMEN'S ADS
40-ish...................... 49
Adventurer.................. Slept with all your friends
Athletic.................... No tits
Average looking............. Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful................... Pathological liar
Contagious Smile............ Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated.................... Banged her Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure.......... Medicated
Feminist.................... Fat ballbuster
Free spirit................. Junkie
Friendship first............ Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Fun......................... Annoying
Gentle...................... Comatose
Good Listener............... Borderline Autistic
New-Age..................... All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned............... Lights out,missionary position only, no BJs
Open-minded................. Desperate
Outgoing.................... Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate.................. Sloppy drunk
Poet........................ Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional................ Certified Bitch
Redhead..................... Bad dye-job
Reubenesque................. Grossly Fat
Romantic.................... Looks better by candle light
Social...................... Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray
Voluptuous.................. Very Fat
Weight proportion w/height.. Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate.............. Stalker
Widow....................... Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart.............. Old bat
MEN'S ADS
40-ish................ 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic.............. Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking....... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated.............. Will patronize the shit out of you
Free Spirit........... Banging your sister
Friendship first...... As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun................... Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking.......... Arrogant
Very good looking..... Dumb as a board
Honest................ Pathological Liar
Huggable.............. Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle....... Insecure mama's boy
Mature................ Older than your father
Open-minded........... Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not
interested
Physically fit........ Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet.................. Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall
Sensitive............. Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive........ Gay
Spiritual............. Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable................ Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
Thoughtful............ Says "Excuse me" when he farts

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Replies:

do you often go through the personal ads? he he -- moomin, 09:21:03 04/23/02 Tue
Re: Deciphering ads -- Andy Hayward, 10:42:39 04/23/02 Tue
- I've got to stop typing stuff in the message box. It means people have to click to see what you've written! (NT) -- Andy Hayward, 10:44:19 04/23/02 Tue
What are you suggesting Andy? That he met me through a personal add. Anyway, are you saying no matter what you put in an add you are gonna sound bad anyway (NT) -- Nikki, 13:16:42 04/23/02 Tue
- I thought you might object to my comment somehow. No I wasn't suggesting he met you through an ad. I was talking about when Dave was 7 years old. Randy bloke for his age. (NT) -- Andy Hayward, 15:39:49 04/23/02 Tue
  - HUH? (NT) -- moomin, 09:07:05 04/24/02 Wed
    - I was just trying to get back at you with a witty remark, and Nikki got involved taking it as a dig at her. I made the excuse I was talking about the past.....Understand? (NT) -- Andy Hayward, 10:53:14 04/24/02 Wed
I was only joking anyway. Sorry if you took it the wrong way. Dave is randy though!!! (NT) -- Nikki, 14:27:15 04/25/02 Thu
- Don't worry. I don't take anything on this board personally. Its just a laugh and things can be mis-understood anyway in writing!!! (NT) -- Andy Hayward, 15:26:48 04/25/02 Thu
That is so true. I try not to take things personally, but it can be quite hard sometimes. Hope uni is going ok. (NT) -- Nikki, 09:13:41 04/26/02 Fri
- Uni is fine. Coming back tonight. Ed is going to be able to come down at weekend too, cos I should be able to give him a lift. (NT) -- Andy Hayward, 10:19:40 04/26/02 Fri

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