| Subject: Please God, don't let it happen |
Author:
Kelvin
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Date Posted: 16:07:50 07/01/04 Thu
Dear Brethren,
I write this in a very distraught state of mind, in need of your prayers. I'm going to tell you the situation and then the background.
The National Guard has called me, and though I haven't spoken to them yet, it is most likely them trying to recall for the Iraq situation.
I got out of the National Guard in 2001 due to a diagnosis of major depression and anxiety caused by the military, in particular heightened by a deployment to Bosnia, I couldn't take it any more. I began to develop self-destructive, self-harm thoughts and behavior due to wanting to be released so bad, and was placed on medication for it. This was taken into consideration along with my previous eye trouble (detached retina) and foot trouble (considered abnormal for some reason).
When I first heard of the recall a couple of days ago, many of those feelings of axiety and depression started coming back. Now I got home today with a message that they called and I am falling to pieces. Since I even dropped my wife off to work an hour ago, I've already started having panic attacks, weakness, nausea, and the other symptons (shortness of breath, stuttering, depression) and I have no more medication because it has been so long since I got off of it. It is a shame how something could push me back so easily, as I have been years without these symptoms, but here they are. I'm trying not to fear as God has everything in control but it is difficult, but with such news as being called back (which isn't "confirmed" yet) I almost see all of the symptoms coming back full force. That is a place that I don't want to return to, neither the mental troubles nor the physical place of being back in the Army.
Please lend me your prayers for avoidance of it alltogether, and for my strength to be returned. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to make it to work tomorrow, as I feel almost too depressed right now to even speak. Please keep me in mind through this terrible situation.
By the grace of God,
Kelvin
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