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Date Posted: 00:33:37 03/28/04 Sun
Author: Jenifer
Subject: Not to whine, but my heart hurts.

My sister, who is pregnant out of wedlock, with a jerk for an ex-boyfriend, Just told me she is giving her baby up for adoption. She's been debating this for a while, but finally made the decision and is "family shopping" at the moment. She spent yesterday with me and as we were talking, it just hit me how painful it will be for her to say goodbye to her little girl. Have I mentioned my empathy problem? I could actually feel some of that pain and it struck me hard, I just started crying. My sister let me hug her, but told me not to make her cry, she cried enough on her own.

I had been talking a little about sharing our pain, as I had already had to say goodbye to my little girl (Anna), but it is very different. I know my angels are mine, and later I can reclaim them, but she will be saying goodbye, basically forever. I admire her courage, since I'm about the only one in my family who thinks adoption is the way to go.

I just haven't let myself speculate on what she was going to do, or explore the pain it would cause to say goodbye to my neice, (I've felt she was having a girl all along)

So, my heart has a new reason to hurt.

Jenifer,
Mother to six earth angels and seven angels in Heaven.

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Replies:

[> There is an LDS Social Serives commercial around here tthat says " I didn't give my baby up, I gave her more" -- lynece, 12:49:14 03/28/04 Sun

I commend your sister for what she is doing. I wouldn't have 2 of my 3 children without their birthmothers being so selfless and loving. I truly believe the Lord will ease your sisters pain as what she is doing is so wonderful for a childless couple. But I do understand your pain for her. When we took 1 day old Hannah home from the hospital, I cried for the 18yr old that had already had to leave the hospital without her baby. Having left the hospital twice myself without a baby in my arms, I knew how empty she would feel. I cried for her when the social worker told me her milk came in, because I know the gutwrenching unfairness of your body betraying you with producing milk for the child that is not there.

If your sister chooses an open or at least semi open like we have with our birthmoms, she will get to see pictures and maybe even visit her child someday. She will Know that the choice she made was a good one and that her baby has a life that she couldn't give her.

All that being said, after having lost 2 babies, I don't think I could give up a child of my own. I had no choice in my babies being taken and I barely survived, I don't think I would have had the courage to give my child up. I'm so thankful for our birthmoms and all the wonderful women who choose to give their baby "more"

Thanks for sharing


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[> A now friend, then aquatince had a little girl about two weeks before I had my first surviving child... -- Breneman, 17:01:02 03/31/04 Wed

and it did hit me that then pain that she and her family was going through would be very simular to the emotions that I had felt when I had lost my babies, I had only miscarried the twins and delivered Matthew stillborn at that point. She was a senior in high school and the father was still interested in her but not in starting a family so she decided that adoption was the best choice for her.

Peace to you, your sister, and your family.

Mary


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