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Date Posted: 16:13:03 01/09/04 Fri
Author: Lauren
Subject: the whole world

Hey guys, sorry I never post when I'm in a good mood. My VT companion and I are like the only women in the ward who aren't pregnant or don't have a little baby. And it was so nice to talk to her about how it was difficult to be the only not pregnant women in the ward. Ya, so guess who's pregnant. And for some reason, it just shattered my world. I feel so alone. I feel like there's no one who can relate to me here, no one to talk to about it. Sacrament meeting was hard before but it was because I knew I wasn't alone. don't get me wrong, I am excited for her, but it's just so hard. And now it's not just all the LDS women are pregnant though all LDS women I know are pregnant, or with little ones, it's the whole world. I mean, it seems everyone you meet has kids. I guess it makes me feel separated from everyone and it's a very lonely or scary feeling. I know I've already complained about this, but today it's to the point where I feel if I don't do something, something's gonna give and I'm gonna lose it all. Sorry, just been one of those days. I miss my Evie so much, so very much. Life isn't supposed to be like this. Why?
Lauren

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Replies:

[> Oh Lauren, I know exactly how you are feeling! -- lynece, 22:23:39 01/09/04 Fri

I lived in a ward that main goal seemed to be multiplying. And I hated it! I hated having due date lists passed around in RS and having every neighbor on both sides and across the street just have baby after baby. I hung out in the bathroom many times during sacrament meeting crying and we didn't even go on FAst sundays as there were multiple blessings each month.

I don't have any words of advice, I became the most inactive I'd ever been in my life. It had nothing to do with the gospel, but the people and the babies that I couldn't stand to be around.

I would let your companion know how much it hurts, not to hurt her of course, but let her know that you'd rather not talk about her pregnancy and if necessary as she gets further along, you might ask to be paired with an older or younger(single) sister.

Good luck sweetie. You are not alone and we do understand.
Love, Lynece


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[> I totally agree with Lynece....m -- Jo, 18:28:01 01/11/04 Sun

Tell her what your issues are at the present time - note to her that you know in the future these feelings will find a newer home, but for now, they are residing in your heart. And I would seriously consider asking for an older companion that is not in her childbearing years...or one that has had at least experienced a similar loss. Sometimes it is just the fact that you are with someone who knows the journey you are on that makes all the difference in the world.

Somehow, I could tolerate people who had had a los becoming pg more than just 'anyone' in the ward...and like Lynece, the primary end bathroom became my place to exist on many Sundays. One thing that kept me going was that others who had had a loss told me to be patient with myself and not to do more than I could...well, it became my mantra and if I couldn't tolerate something, I said so (the first was a mom in the nursery who was very pg and whining/complaining and I finally just said it like it was - that I'd be so grateful to change places with her and I'd cut off my right arm to have all of those discomforts).

Anyhow, just know that it will pass - do only what you feel you can.

Jo


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[> Lauren... like the others have pointed out you aren't alone (m) -- Heath111, 21:44:23 01/19/04 Mon

I remember the feeling and am so glad that I was able to get pg later and join the group. I just remember going even to Target and seeing how 'everyone' was pg. I'm guessing the world was the same as when I was pg and I just seemed different. I agree... if you need a new VT companion then I would ask for one.

I will say though that for me probably one of the greatest things I have learned since my Niko died is how to be happy for other people when they get the things I want. It didn't happen immediately by any means (it's been 5 years now) but it did happen. It did take many Fast Sundays with late attendance, several missed baby showers with a gift sent along with someone else, etc. Don't expect too much of yourself.

Sorry you are hurting so much now,

Heather


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[> Your not the only noticing how many pregnant women there are. -- Jenifer, 13:05:19 01/20/04 Tue

Hi Lauren, new here. I'm sorry your life line was yanked out from under you. Just know that there are many more women in the same boat than you can imagine.

I've been through this 5 times and this is the first time it's bothered me to be around other pregnant women. I'm happy for them, but I so want to be in their shoes right now. I'd be 16 weeks tomorrow, starting to show, feeling movement, everything.

I'm hoping we'll make it through this phase. I don't relish the idea of not leaving the house so I don't have to deal with it. If you need a pregna-phobe buddy, let me know. LOL!

Jenifer,
Mother to six earth angels and seven angels in Heaven
Our newest angel left us Dec. 5, 2003
We miss you Anna Marie.


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[> YA what is it, can you get it from the water? -- Heather S., 19:18:47 01/21/04 Wed

Everyone is preg. but me, and of course the others posting on this thread... but I am feeling so very left out. I was pregnant with one of my 3 sisters and we were due at the same time. She has her little boy and I don't. To top that off one other sister announced that she is preg, and with a little boy too! I am just feeling a huge bit sad and like I am missing out. (I am~ we are)
Our little babies should be here!
(I am having a bad day, sorry)
I could lead this preg. woman boycot!!!!


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[> [> Okay, I'll start making the signs, you alert the media! -- Jenifer, 21:52:45 01/21/04 Wed

I say our demands should be that everyone in this group has to get pregnant and bare a healthy baby before anyone else can. Sound fair enough?

I'm not laughing at you and I'm sorry you're having a rough day. Mine was Monday. It's your turn now. :-)

((((HUGS))))

Jenifer,
Mother to six earth angels and seven angels in Heaven
Our newest angel left us Dec 5th, 2003
We miss you Anna Marie


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[> [> [> Sounds great -- Lauren, 17:11:35 01/22/04 Thu

Jenifer, I love your idea. I think we should put a hold on all other women's babymaking, so they'll all be rooting for us to get pregnant, Thanks for the humor, it was appreciated!
Lauren


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[> [> [> [> "SMILE" thanks for the mental help!!! -- Heather S., 19:51:37 01/23/04 Fri


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