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Saturday, May 16, 01:14:58pm [ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, [2], 3, 4, 5, 6 ]

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Date Posted: 13:34:41 01/20/04 Tue
Author: Jenifer
Subject: Oh, I just had an ephipany!

I think I just figured out why we came to this tiny little Branch. I've been in severe culture shock since we moved 5 months ago from a large, bustling ward near 2 univeristies with young couples moving in and out. The people here are great, but it's like a different world.

I just realized, I was moving away from all the pregnant women! With my last baby we had 3 of us due the same week. Oh man, I can't even imagine what it would be like.

Being around pregnant women after a m/c has never bother me before, but this time around, it's really getting to me. I went with my sister to help pick out fabric for her wedding dress Saturday. The store was crowded, so we had to scooch by all these pregnant women. The first couple didn't phase me, but after a while it was just rubbing me the wrong way. I was actually getting angry. Don't ask me at what. It certainly wasn't their fault they were pregnant and I wasn't. Then, we went to Walmart. That was it. I stopped looking down from people's faces, I didn't want to see any more.

Reading Lauren's post made me realize just what I would have faced if we had stayed in our old ward. I don't really feel any resentment towards these women, but it's just more than I can handle right now. Luckily, since there are only about 5 active women in childbearing age in the Branch, it's not such a big issue here.

Like I wrote to Lauren, I'd be 16 weeks right now. About the time I really pooch out and start to feel movement. I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to still be pregnant!

(I stop typing, have a short cry, find my grief Bear and come back)

Thank you ladies for being here. I've had a very hard time showing my grief, even to myself. It's like I've been through it so many times, it shouldn't hurt anymore, right? I hope being here I can work through the grief and get back to running my hectic household effectively.

Jenifer,
Resident basket case

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Replies:

[> Oh sweetie.....m -- Jo, 17:19:29 01/20/04 Tue

We have a bear here, too! We just call her Hannah Bear, nothing else, but she is in our family pictures every year!

I had 2 friends who were pg and due along with me, within days of each other. After Hannah's death, I never heard from either of them other than to send me an announcement card and photographs of their newborn, all the while fielding calls from those baby photographers, life insurance companies, etc...not a good time.

Anyhow, I am glad that you understand what the Lord did for you. My DH has a harder time looking at pg women than I do, but I sure do long for it again...I don't think that there will ever come a time where I don't want to be pg. It is just all-encompassing to be part of the creation of another human being -

Jo


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