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Saturday, May 16, 04:27:41pm [ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, [2], 3, 4, 5, 6 ]

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Date Posted: 15:27:14 02/20/04 Fri
Author: Jenifer
Subject: Okay, major mood swing
In reply to: Jenifer 's message, "I had a special day today. :-) (babies mentioned)" on 15:16:26 02/20/04 Fri

I had visited the site of a lady who'd just had a baby girl. She's on the playgroup message board for my 15 mo old. What struck me was how big the baby was, like mine usually are, nice and fat, with the puffy face from delivery. If it had been a little squirt, I don't think it would have phased me.

I miss my Anna Marie so much, seeing a baby that looked a lot like she would have really hurt. Thomas (4) came to me again this afternoon and told me how much he missed our girl baby. He was all but crying. I talked with him for a while and then I asked him if we could pray to Heavenly Father that we wouldn't be so sad. He said he wanted Heavenly Father to bring our girl baby back. I did what I could to explain things and then said a little prayer. It must have worked, because the next thing he asked for was his snack.

Course, I share this with DH and he just changes the subject. I feel like I'm toting this Huge burden alone, and I shouldn't have to. He says he deals with it in his own way, but when he can't even offer me a shoulder to cry on, I don't believe it. He simply doesn't want to deal with. I want my baby girl back too, but there's no one to pat my back and say it's okay. Except you ladies here, but I'm sorry, cyber hugs just aren't the real thing.

Thanks for letting me whine.

Jenifer,

Mother to:
Emily (10)
Christopher and Jaron (m/c Jan. 94)
Gregory (8)
Rachel (7)
Zachary (m/c Mar. 97)
Jackson (6)
Daniel (m/c Jan. 99)
Thomas (4)
Deborah and Olivia (m/c Oct. 2000)
Anthony (14 mon.)
Anna Marie (m/c Dec. 5, 2003)

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Replies:

[> Men, women grieve totally differently.....m -- Jo, 17:40:01 02/23/04 Mon

For a lot of men, it is a direct blow to themselves as the Patriarch in the home. They are supposed to be able to fix everything, but they can't. And in turn, they tend to try to turn off the grieving.

Then, after grieving apart, you need to learn to grieve as a couple and then as continuing parents. It isn't a short-lived period of time, but something more complex. And like anything that is hard work, sometimes people want to avoid it instead of meeting it head on and getting it all overwith.

You are certainly not toting the burden alone, but grieving is a very isolating experience. And that is where the blessings of this board come into play - unload here.

I know what helped my husband and myself was getting to know each other all over again. Grief can change people, forever, so everyone needs to be patient with each other in order to get through the journey together and intact.

Sending you some hugs anyways - I know it isn't the same, but it is all that I can offer.

Jo


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