I can't acheive the impossible -- Paradise Isle

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Date Posted: 12:22:44 07/24/03 Thu
Author: Steel Dream
Subject: I can't acheive the impossible
In reply to: Steel Dream 's message, "Can't quite manage to say goodbye" on 16:35:50 07/23/03 Wed

[OOC: I'm sorry for the crappiness of this post but I dun have that much time and I just want to get something out.]

His eyes close for a cresting moment of perfect bliss as she rests tenderly against him, his sins, however grave, undeservedly forgiven. But that moment is the crest of a wave of emotions and waves are ever moving; her words catch him off balance and send him spinning into a trough. "My son..." he breathes in faint disbelief, his golden eyes soaking up everything about this little one and recording it into his mind, trying to let this information sink into his already battered brain.

His thoughts reel and whirl like a dinghy caught in a gale as he tries to compose the varying elements of his current situation into a coherent plan of action.

Firstly, he's home. DOL still loves him, still wants him by her side. Secondly, he has a son. A son by his own blood, mingled with the genes of his love. Thirdly and painfully, the one he has for so long considered a son, invested so much into without Nature's standard reward of having his own genes passed on, appears to hate or resent him. Actually, Steel is in no way surprised. He has the love of the young King's mother and the addition of this new surprise to the varied and extended family is bound to cause a distinct sour chord with the son of Myrakazan.

But that doesn't stop it from hurting. It does not stave off the knife-wound Shazaam's acerbic gaze makes into his heart. And he is so thoroughly torn. To lean down, to greet his own new son, the only male descendant of his physical line, to imprint his own image and scent in the little one's mind... that is his primary urge, as an equine and as a father. But something deeper, something less primal and instinctive calls him to follow Shazaam, to tell him what he is thinking right now:
Oh Shaz... Shazaam... I never tried to be a replacement for your father. I did it for his sake and, I thought, for yours. Myrakazan was my friend and he was one of the most incredible stallions I have ever known. He died for your sister's freedom and would have done the same for you, I know. And I know I could never hope to live up to him in reality or in your mind. But I made him a promise that I would do all I could for you, look after you like a father though I knew I was not one. I saw you growing up to be more and more like him and I cannot even begin to express how proud that made me, and how much I wished he could have been here to see you grow as I have. I have thought about him, Shazaam. I have. That's why it took so long, so many years for me to acquire the courage to make my love of DOL known. I couldn't for so long, for the sake of his memory, for your sake, for Sunny's... and for hers. Because I didn't feel it would be right to put her in the position of deciding between me and his memory, even if she did actually love me which I was convinced she did not.

But now I'm thinking myself in circles and I still do not know what to do. So he casts a fleeting desperate gaze to Shazaam as he departs as though to tell him just to wait a little longer and leans down, the broad arcs of his nostrils expanding as he whuffles gently at the little foal. "Phoenix Ashes," he whispers softly, gazing into his son's eyes for the first time as a little smile touches his face. "Nice to meet you."

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[> Time's only Mistress -- Daughter of Time, 20:48:39 07/24/03 Thu [1]

Silven flicka, though still young, understood most of the scene before her as she watched without movement. Seeing the look on Shazaam's face, she walked over to stand by him, knowing he would not wish for words now, for she had gone through something very similar, and would never wish it upon another. She could see things from his standpoint, for she, she out of the small group, had been in his shoes, and had never in even her wildest fury, wished the same fate upon any other. Standing there, her bodice mere inches from his, she looked down upon the scene thoughtfully, before looking up at him, then back. She did not fear him now, for now they were on the same page. Her mind flashed back to another time, another place, though similar to this, and thoughts of her own mother and many others raced through her mind as her dial remained expressionless, revealing none of her internal pain.

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