| Subject: Re: story |
Author:
jaime tamm
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: 14:02:44 11/03/03 Mon
In reply to:
mike!
's message, "Re: story" on 15:23:58 11/01/03 Sat
This seems a little short. Is it just a beginning? I like your detail and your last sentence, but I'm not sure where the conflict is.
>Watch your grammar!
>
>>The parking lot at school si dark and cold. The
>>lights glow with an orange fluorescense. Parents
>>drive their kids up to the front door, the kids get
>>out berfore the car stops, slam the door, the next car
>>pulls up....an endless cycle. Everyone seems grumpy.
>>They hurry int ot the building in silent clumps,
>>pulling on backpacks and straining under armfuls of
>>books. THere's cold spilled French fires on the
>>pavement. The snow banks pile up around the perimier.
>> They are frozen and slick. I'm carrying too
>>manybags, hot coffee, my lunch. Sarah is up ahead, I
>>yell hello, she yells back, doesn't wait for me to
>>catch up. I was always the slow one. Walking home as
>>a kid, I'd dawdle, especialy in the spring, when the
>>roads were still dirt and melting snow made rivers
>>down the sides of hte road. I'd walk home, slowly,
>>eyes on the ground, smelling the wet earth, happy to
>>be alive.
>>
>>by Megumi Hahn
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
| |
Feedback: 