| Subject: Re: story |
Author:
Rebecca Rickard
|
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Date Posted: 21:10:43 11/05/03 Wed
In reply to:
jaime tamm
's message, "Re: story" on 14:02:44 11/03/03 Mon
megumi-
have you considered making this into a poem? it seems to have that feeling to me more than a story...
rebecca
>This seems a little short. Is it just a beginning? I
>like your detail and your last sentence, but I'm not
>sure where the conflict is.
>
>>Watch your grammar!
>>
>>>The parking lot at school si dark and cold. The
>>>lights glow with an orange fluorescense. Parents
>>>drive their kids up to the front door, the kids get
>>>out berfore the car stops, slam the door, the next
>car
>>>pulls up....an endless cycle. Everyone seems
>grumpy.
>>>They hurry int ot the building in silent clumps,
>>>pulling on backpacks and straining under armfuls of
>>>books. THere's cold spilled French fires on the
>>>pavement. The snow banks pile up around the
>perimier.
>>> They are frozen and slick. I'm carrying too
>>>manybags, hot coffee, my lunch. Sarah is up ahead, I
>>>yell hello, she yells back, doesn't wait for me to
>>>catch up. I was always the slow one. Walking home
>as
>>>a kid, I'd dawdle, especialy in the spring, when the
>>>roads were still dirt and melting snow made rivers
>>>down the sides of hte road. I'd walk home, slowly,
>>>eyes on the ground, smelling the wet earth, happy to
>>>be alive.
>>>
>>>by Megumi Hahn
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