Re: please tell me what you think of my poem -- Pomegranate Words Forum

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Subject: Re: please tell me what you think of my poem

Author:
Julie

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Date Posted: 13:40:03 01/14/04 Wed
In reply to: sashby 's message, "please tell me what you think of my poem" on 17:47:02 06/17/03 Tue

I think your poem is an excellent, very creative, and original. There are details that also have a great effect.

One suggestion though is that during the poem, there is excitement increasing more and more as it gets closer to leave, (which is very good) except that to make it even more effective, I would add a line right before the
"He becomes quiet
and then bows his head
to organize his papers on the podium."

As if to end the class, maybe like, 'and the door quickly slamed shut', or something. I would then make a space after that, as if to say the big rush was done, and now it is his time to 'shine', If you do not want to seperate the poem, you could also just add a dash (-) at the end of my suggested line. This dash ends the line quickly and short, as if someone yelled 'stop!'

But anyways, very nice poem, I enjoyed it. -Julie

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
Re: please tell me what you think of my poem	Bob	20:01:40 02/12/04 Thu