How about some computer-related funny stuff, too? Just to keep us sane... -- The HarmyBoard HarmDrive

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Date Posted: 19:35:56 02/02/07 Fri
Author: The Chief
Subject:

How about some computer-related funny stuff, too? Just to keep us sane...

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[> Here's an interesting letter to "tech support"... -- The Chief, 19:36:36 02/02/07 Fri [1]

Dear Technical Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed Desperate.

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment package while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter the command: �http: I thought You Love Me.htm� and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications, Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system recourses.)

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck, Technical Support.

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[> The computer... male or female? -- The Chief, 19:39:08 02/02/07 Fri [1]

A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.

House, in French, is feminine--"la maison."
Pencil, in French, is masculine--"le crayon."

One puzzled student asked "What gender is computer?"
The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her French dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender, and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or feminine noun.

Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender (la computer), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine (le computer), because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data, but they are still clueless;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

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[> And a couple of useful upgrades..... -- The Chief, 19:48:02 02/02/07 Fri [1]

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[> [> The Chief, these are great! Thanks for the laugh. -- Lee, 07:05:16 02/03/07 Sat [1]

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[> And to get in touch with the "Zen" of computer use.... -- The Chief, 19:52:45 02/02/07 Fri [1]

Here are 14 "actual" error messages seen on the computer screens in Japan, where some are written in Haiku. Aren't these better than "your computer has performed an illegal operation"?

1. The Web site you seek
cannot be located,
but countless more exist.

2. Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

3. Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.

4. Windows XP crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

5. Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

6. Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

7. Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

8. A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone.

9. Three things are certain: Death, taxes and lost data. Guess which has occurred?

10. You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

11. Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, but we never will.

12. Having been erased,
the document you're seeking
must now be retyped.

13. Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

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[> These are just *great* . . . sooo funny . . .thanks Chief -- Margo(UK), 00:43:07 02/03/07 Sat [1]

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[> LOLOLOL!!!! Thanks for sharing! -- JAG Junkie (Ronda), 10:24:10 02/03/07 Sat [1]

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