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Date Posted: 11:40:35 12/11/03 Thu
Author: Malu
Subject: Task 10

I found many interesting topics in this site, but the topic that I chose was relationships and dating. The question was: "Should I marry him?". It was made by a nineteen year old female. This girl has been engaged fot 4 years, the marriage is set for next year, but she's feeling insecure because of her fiance's behaviour. He doesn't talk to her about his feelings, is not romantic, and doesn't make love with her anymore. She doesn't know whether he is depressed or if he is tired of her. She's also wondering if he might be having sex with someone else.
She got advice from two different people. They were both good, but the second one seemed more sensible to me.
Jill's advice: She told the girl not to get married until she has all the issues worked out and that her fiance needs to go to counseling to learn to open up.
Jen's advice: Jen said that she should probably look a little deeper into their relationship. Her fiance may not be the romantic type, but there are other ways of showing love and appreciation. She gave an example of her husband, who also is not romantic, but he has many other ways of showing her how he feels about her.Simple things, like a hug or a few words that he knows will make her smile. Big things, like building up her confidence when she's feeling insecure. These things mean more to her than a bouquet of roses ever could.
Jen told her to "look at her fiance as the individual that he is, and instead of worrying about what he doesn't do, she should look at what he does. Over the course of a long-term relationship, peole naturally grow more comfortable with their partner. They're more likely to just be themselves, and not as likely to be forever trying to please and impress like they are in the beginning of a relationship".
Concerning her fiance's refusal to make love with her Jen said that "true trust is knowing that you don't have to worry about things like him cheating on you or losing interest on you. I don't know whether the problem lies with him or you (it's usually both), but it is a problem that should be addressed".
Jen also pointed out that if the girl is concerned that her fiance is depressed, she might suggest to him that he get some counseling. She added that counseling also goes for her if she has any issues that need to be sorted out.Finally she said that for a marriage to work, both partners need to be committed to keeping both themselves and the relationship as healthy and as stable as possible.

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