Hmm... -- The Beta Board

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, [2], 3, 4 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 18:22:15 01/17/04 Sat
Author: Shanola
Subject: Hmm...
In reply to: Madison 's message, "Can I mention...." on 07:03:34 01/17/04 Sat

I wasn't trying to imply that teenagers don't have celebrity crushes. You are writing from Erika's POV, and that's fine. But you as the author should also keep in mind the larger audience who may not know who Horatio Hornblower is. I love HH. I own the DVD's. I own the books and have read them several times. One of the outstanding characterists of HH in the books is his paunchy belly, which he absolutely hates but can't do anything about. He's also started to lose his hair, which he also hates. And he is completely tone deaf. When I think of HH, I think of those facts first. When Erika said he looked like HH, I immediately thought Balding and Paunchy belly, can't dance because he can't hear music....and I do not think that's what you are going for. Too late for me, though, because now James is balding with a paunchy belly and he'll never, ever dance because he is comepletely tone deaf.

See?

What I would suggest instead is to have Erika note his physical description, on the off chance someone hasen't ever seen the HH movies, and then have her conclude he looks a little like HH in the movies.

Example:

A man walked in the door. He had brown hair that leaned towards curls, brown eyes and sharp features. I imediately thought of the actor who played Horatio Hornblower in the televised movies.

Do you see how that gives the reader a reference to go with even though the reader may not have any idea who HH is?

As for point two...I've known young people who are very tall for their age. They *still* act like annoying teenagers from time to time.

Erika says she is very tall and somewhat clumsy, but I don't see her act self-conscious about that at all. In fact, I don't see any self-consciousness about her at all. She stands brazenly up to Madeline. "Tell me why you think I'm pretty. And be truthful."? I can't believe any fifteen year old would say that. They'd be more likely to say, "Really? You think I'm pretty? Why?"

I guess it's the word choices you've made for Erika. They don't reference to any teenaged tempo I've ever read. I love Young Adult books. I think Vivian Vande Velde is a goddess and everyone should read her works, teenager or not. I think great literature is written in the genre. And yet, even the most mature teenaged characters in those books are not as mature as Erika.

In order for Erika to avoid being a Mary Sue, I need to see her vulnerabilities. I need to see her as a complicated human who is struggling to find her way, wether she knows it or not. There is a fine line to being mature, and many adults still have a hard time walking it. Teenagers are still trying to learn how and sometimes swing wildly one way then the other, much like the balance bar a tightrope walker carries. I need to see her learn to control her emotions.

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> [> [> [> [> Re: Hmm... -- Madison, 09:56:33 01/18/04 Sun

I see your point... and I'm tryng to make Erika act her age, u say, and walk that fine line without being Mary Sue.
And about HH- um, when I started the re-write of this story, I had just seen the reruns of the movies on A&E, and it's been ages since I read the books, so I will clairfy that... and I'm sorry you now have a less than flattering image of James because that was NOT my intention. (honestly!!!)
look for a repost and I'd love to know what you think

[ Post a Reply to This Message ]
[ Edit | View ]