Shanola hit the grammer stuff... (r) -- The Beta Board

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, [4] ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 23:16:21 08/12/01 Sun
Author: delle
Subject: Shanola hit the grammer stuff... (r)
In reply to: Surgeon Shanola in full mask and gown. 's message, "Hmm....well, (r)" on 21:42:42 08/12/01 Sun

and she's so freaking good at it, that I'm not going to discuss it at all. Except to say you really need to run a spell check and I agree with her reference to the Briefing in Five columns. Nestra literally just covered a lot of your grammatical problems in her latest column.

OK, my betas are usually more plot and characterization related. And I have some real difficulties with your set up. Adam is old enough to have a home, drive a car, order flunkies around? Then he must be... what? 25 or so? So I'm assuming you've placed your story about 20 years in the future.

But... you haven't told us how Michael got back into Section. And he's now a good 55 years old. He's still a cold op, going out on missions? I just can't see that. And what happened to Nikita being the head of Section?

Even if I could assume that you'll explain both of those problems, I would think Michael would sooner die than have Adam know about his life in Section.

You have Adam taking them back to his 'grandfather's house'. I'm assuming you mean the house from the Season 3 arc. Salla Vacek's empire has survived 20 years? Who ran it? Does that mean Adam is now the head of a criminal empire? I think Michael might have a problem with that.

I'm not sure where you're headed with the story next, but I wanted to point out a few problems with your characters as you've presented them so far.

Thanks for posting to the Beta Board. It takes a lot of courage to put your 'baby' up for critical inspection. As Shanola said, we're not trying to tear *you* down, only point out potential problems and weaknesses in your story.

delle

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]