| Subject: Letters to Samson - 34 |
Author:
Holly
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: 11:01:35 02/27/09 Fri
In reply to:
Holly
's message, "Letters to Samson - 1" on 18:59:32 06/04/05 Sat
So much has happened since the last time I wrote to you here. You are eight. You have read The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings (the whole thing). You're into the Warriors (New Prophecy) series, and you love that it's about cats, even though you understand the literary limitations of the authors ("Why do they write 'Squirrelpaw's paws'? That's awkward! Can't they say "Squirrelpaw's feet' or something?"). You are competing in karate tournaments and doing well in sparring. I think your mind wanders during forms. You asked me to load Frank Zappa into your iPod.
Had I made you up in my head, I would never have given you these traits, because it would have seemed to me unrealistic that a little kid could be so cool, so wise, or such a daily revelation. But here you are, four and a half feet tall and real. Two days ago, you were in a little trouble over a fistfight at school. You were defending Martin, who has a target on his forehead, and three kids, two of whom are your friends, jumped you. The third kid - the instigator kid - the one who gathers other kids and bullies kids like Martin - you punched him in the eye hard enough to break a blood vessel.
I felt sick when I heard it. The last thing I want is for any kid to get hurt - ever - especially by you. And I didn't know how to deal or what to do. So, I went to the internet. I thought, surely, someone, somewhere must have come up with a brilliant, nonviolent solution to this very issue.
Nothing. There were plenty of articles describing the challenges kids face and the difficulties schools have in addressing them. You were told not to hit back under any circumstances and to go find a teacher immediately. Here's the thing: that's what the school has to say, because if they give any student permission to hit another kid, the school can get sued big time.
If you actually try to put their advice into practice, you get the same result you've been getting for the last three years with this same kid. He keeps doing what he's doing, and, as he gets older, he becomes more proficient at ridiculing anyone who tries to seek adult help. You and I have practiced how to respond to verbal bullying, but still....
So, what are you supposed to do? What am I supposed to tell you? I probably confused the shit out of you, because I gave you massive mixed messages. I told you to listen to what your principal told you and try to follow her rules. She actually does seem to understand who's the instigator here, and I'm guessing this wasn't his first trip to her office. I also told you that in spite of what she said and what I said, you might still have to defend yourself. And I gave you absolutely no guidance for when that might be.
Part of the problem is that I have no comfort level with ordinary day-to-day aggression. It freaks me out a little. The other part of the problem is that I really think you did the right thing. All of it. From defending Martin to fighting back when you got jumped to hitting that bully in the face and leaving a mark for other kids to see - the whole thing - you did it exactly right.
I don't want to tell you not to fight back if you're being hurt. I want you to protect yourself, and I'm proud of you for protecting someone else. And just to show that this is something I have probably given way too much thought? As of yesterday, you and all of the kids you fought with were getting along fine. I guess it's true that boys will be boys.
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
| |
Feedback: 