That was all I could think about as I sat in the back seat of my dad's car with him by my side. Steven was just to the left of me, and I kept trying to restrain myself from gawking at him like some kind of brain dead fangirl the entire time...but...awwww, LOOK at him! He's so beautiful! I keep trying to detach from his bewitching appearance, seeing as it's all that he has to offer me right now. A shameful jack off fantasy at best in the privacy of my bedroom with the lights off. But...my heart! Why does my weary heart always have to find a way to get tangled up in this mess. Why can't I just think that he's nothing more than a really HOT boy and move on with the rest of my life? What is it about him that keeps 'calling' to me the way it does?
I looked over at him again, still amazed that he was sitting so close to me that I could practically lean over and lick the cool rain water dripping down from his hair and sliding down the sensual curve of his neck. It was hard being this close to him, knowing that he was sooooo out of reach. But what was I going to do? Harass him until his feelings changed? Make him feel guilty? Hypnotize him or work some kind of voodoo love spell on him and use it to my advantage? Even if I ultimately got what I wanted in the long run...would it really be love? Would it matter, or have the same rewarding effect?
I don't want to make him feel something for me, I wanted it to be genuine. I needed it to be real. And voluntary. And...you know...special.
Why am I like this? A lesser man would have slipped pills into his cocoa and touched him while he was asleep.
Oh God...I can't believe something like that even crossed my mind right now. I'm so despicable.
Steven was looking down at his phone, still trying to get it to work, but I'm pretty sure that it was all out of juice. One less excuse that he could use to not look at or talk to me. I got a little bit excited when he leaned forward in his seat to talk to my dad. I don't know...the way he moves sometimes gives me chills. "Mr. Pacer? You wouldn't happen to have a phone charger cord for the car, would you?" He asked. God, he's so cute. Ugh! STOP saying that!!! You're only making things worse for yourself!
"Sorry, Steven. I only carry one to plug in the wall." My dad answered. "Don't worry, though. We're only ten minutes away from the house. We'll get you set up, k? It won't be long."
"Ok." He said, slightly disappointed. "Thanks."
Steven's eyes glanced over at me briefly...and then he just turned his head to watch the rain pelting the car window as he watched the suburban landscape scroll by. I know it's impolite to stare...but it really is hard not to. The little details that I notice about him always seem to keep me mesmerized for much longer than I think is healthy. Like...the way his lips are such a unique shade of pink, highlighted by the porcelain pale contrast of the skin surrounding them. Or how the shape of his eyes were just so inviting, the bright brown orbs within glowing with a smoldering fire that inflamed the soul the moment they made contact with your own. Or, like...how the perfectly trimmed strands of his hair would lightly 'kiss' the tops of his ears, making me wish that I could do the same if only I could get away with it.
Steven caught me gawking at him, and I quickly diverted my eyes away from him, staring at the armrest between the two front seats. I wasn't trying to be a creep, I just...wanted to truly appreciate the moment that I got to spend examining him from this angle. This close. I swear, I could almost smell the traces of his boyish sweat from basketball practice...an aroma of heat and athletic effort...mixed with a genuine scent of passion and purpose. It turned me on like you wouldn't believe...causing me to move my backpack further into my lap to keep from getting hard. Or...at least to keep him from seeing it. God, I'm such a hopeless perv.
I heard Steven sigh to himself as he looked out the window.
He's cute when he sighs...
He ran his fingers through his silky brown locks of hair, and wiped his wet hands on his shirt. And sure, his shirt was just as wet as his hand was, if not more so. But...
He's cute when he does that too...
And that's when I felt that stupid gooey feeling in my insides, trying to force me to talk to him again. Nothing major. No big confessions of love, no thought provoking philosophies or inspirational diatribes. Just...something to get him to acknowledge my existence. That's all I wanted. A little hint to say, 'I don't hate you Jeremy.' I think that would lift my spirit in ways that he couldn't even imagine. There's no way that he could fathom how much a few words from him would mean to me if he were to grant me the blessing of having them spoken in my direction. It would be a religious experience for me. It really would. Just...I'm so scared to approach the unapproachable.
Because, while every kind word that he could possibly say to me would toss me up into an orbit of total bliss...
Every rejection could slam me right back down into the dirt. And there are times when I seriously wonder if I'd be able to survive the impact of it. Or if I'd even want to.
I was behaving myself for a good two minutes or so...but my eyes gravitated back over to Steven's super cute face again, and I saw his eyeballs move to look back at me. "What?" He asked.
"Huh?" I said, trying to catch my breath as quickly as I could. "Oh...nothing. I was just...I was...it was nothing. Whatever." I said, trying to be convincing in my attempt to shrug it off.
"Well...fine. Whatever." Steven said. And he went back to looking out the window again. Great. What the fuck did I do NOW??? I didn't even say anything until he asked me what it was that I never said in the first place.
Fine. You know what? I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of having this level of control over me. I'm just going to keep my trap shut and let him suffer. I mean, my phone still has power, but he can't call his mom because he doesn't know the number by heart. I guess that's the downside of not using the brain power it takes to memorize these things instead of having everything available at the tap of a digital button all the time. Why do I even bother with this jerk?
He's still...super cute though. Just saying.
I couldn't get out of that car fast enough when we made it back home. Rain or no rain, I just wanted to put some distance between me and Steven for a while. I didn't even want to try talking to him anymore. I know when I've been beaten, and I think my broken heart has taken its fair share of punishment for the day. I helped my dad take his papers in the house and didn't both to look back as Steven came following up behind me. I put the papers on the kitchen table and my dad told us to stay right where we were for a moment. Then he came back with a couple of big fluffy bathroom towels for us to dry off with.
At first I was just trying to get dry again as I kicked off my shoes...but mentally kicked myself for having it cross my mind that I might want to save the one Steven was using at that moment. Rubbing it all over his face, and in his hair...and I saw him gently mopping up some of the excess rainwater from his neck. I shouldn't do it. He's been nothing but mean to me since he got in that car. Dismissive at best. I shouldn't care. I don't care. I refuse to care. That's right. I REFUSE!
"Alright, boys. Just toss those over to me and I throw them in the wash for later." My dad said.
"I'll take care of it!" I said in a sudden outburst. "I mean, I'm doing laundry tonight anyway, so..."
I hope that didn't sound as awkward to everybody else as it sounded to myself. Steven handed me his towel, still slightly damp from his wet skin and addictive boy scent...and I carried both of them into my room to put in my laundry hamper.
Ok, I know that I was being creepy about it,but when you're as love starved as I am when it comes to the one boy in the world who really inspires this kind of emotional hunger within me...I'll take whatever little scraps I can get. I just...I took a second to hold his towel up to my face and just...inhale. Maybe I was imagining some kind of hidden fragrance being trapped in the soft material of the towel, but as I closed my eyes and breathed deeply...it was almost as if I was intoxicated by the thrill of it all.
I hid the towel under my blankets and walked back out to see Steven kneeling on the living room floor, his pretty little ass stuck out as he searched for an outlet to plug his charger into. I noticed that he was barefoot too, his cute little toes curled up, smooth heels, sexy little arch between the two. His jeans were a shade darker around the cuffs from the rain, and as he leaned forward a bit more towards the plug, I could see the top of his black boxer briefs stretching out a bit more, those deliciously round globes of his tempting me in ways that just came off as an act of utter cruelty.
I moved over to the couch to sit down before my stiffening erection became any more visible. He really has a cute butt, you know that? One of the cutest I think I've ever seen. It was one of those perfect rear ends that'd you'd gladly kiss and take a playful bite out of if he let you do it. Why is it always the beautiful ones that hurt your heart the most?
Honestly, I just sort of watched it wiggle slightly as he was on all fours, reaching for the outlet...the material stretched thin across his cheeks. I just wanted to get down behind him, and slide my hand between his legs from behind and just...rub him down there. Hold his hardness in my hand while I licked the small of his back, and listened for him to whisper my name in a breathy tone. I wish I didn't want him so badly...but I did.
I thought about sliding my palm underneath him, hearing him try to stifle his sensuous moans, even when I could clearly feel how hard he was. Sooooo hard. And when neither one of us could take anymore teasing, I'd lay down on my back and slide between his splayed legs, so he could stick his boner in my mouth and hump my face while I struggled to take as much of it as I possibly could. Gripping that firm, tight, ass with both hands until he baptized my tastebuds with heavy squirts of warm, sticky, seed...his quivering body above me, ass muscles flexing, eyes shut, mouth agape in a silent scream...my own arousal overwhelming me until I came buckets in my pants from the sheer pleasure of...
...Oh shit! He's scooting back now! Think unsexy thoughts! Think unsexy thoughts! Cross your legs or something! Gahhh!!!
My dad walked into the room and asked, "Did you find the outlet?"
"Yeah, I found it. Thanks, Mr. Pacer. I'm sure it won't take long to get enough battery power for one phone call." Steven said.
"Ok, well, take your time. Make sure to let your mom know where you are, and if you need a ride to the hospital to get your key, I'll be happy to take you. Alright?"
"Yes, sir." Steven said politely. His voice is really cute too...you know...when he's actually being nice for a change.
"Good. Well, you boys just relax for a bit. Call me if you need me. I've got a heavy load of work to do in my study before school tomorrow." He told us, and we agreed to...'behave', I guess. Then he walked away to actually leave us alone in the same room for a while. Alone. With Steven. In my house. Realistic, or even optimistic, ideas aside...a part of me was really freaking out about this. But I didn't want my nervous expression to show on my face. So I turned on the TV to find a bit of a distraction.
Surprisingly, Steven came to sit next to me on the couch. Well...maybe not right next to me...he sat on the other end of it. But there was only one cushion between us on a three cushioned couch. And, you know...it was kind of cool. I didn't say anything to him, for fear of ruining the moment...but I just kind of sat there and watched TV with Steven sitting beside me, sort of 'pretending' that we were close friends for a few fleeting moments in time. Like, fantasizing about what it must be like for other boys to be this close to him and have him not mind it so much. Just two buddies...hanging out...having fun.
I mean, sure, I would love for my little fantasy to end with me on top of him, and erotically thrusting myself into that extremely tight hole of his while he tongue kissed me like crazy and wrapped his sexy legs around my waist, desperately begging me to go deeper. But...why get greedy? You know? He doesn't totally loathe the ground that I walk on right now, and that's enough for me at this point. I can appreciate that and enjoy his company without spoiling it with...you know...casual conversation or anything.
Now...it's sort of my default setting to come home and turn to 'Rick And Morty' to sort of relax from whatever might have happened to me that day in school. Call it a naughty, not-so-guilty pleasure of mine. A little crass and violent comedy animation can't help but to make you feel good about life, no matter what you've been through. I don't know is Steven likes 'Rick And Morty' or not, but does it really matter? He's barely paying me any attention anyway, and I need my stress reliever.
It was halfway through the episode, and I just turned up the volume and started watching. Hehehe, I LOVE this episode! Cracks me up every time. I think after the first few minutes of watching it, Steven got up to walk over and check the battery power on his phone again. I hate myself for staring at his ass again, but I did it anyway. Because...sighhhh...whatever. It's not his fault. He can't help being hot.
Then he sat back down on the couch when the phone didn't seem to be charged enough, and I went back to watching the show. It wasn't until I started sneaking little peeks at his sexy boy profile that I noticed a bit of a smirk on his face. I mean, he was probably trying to hold it back at the time, but after a few more seconds...he began to snicker to himself.
I couldn't believe how quickly an entire army of goosebumps were suddenly rising up on my skin. I started to rub my arms as this unbelievable wave of warm, giddy, chills ran through me. I peeked over at him again, and those kissably cute lips of his were actually smiling! Like...SMILING!
And I nearly fainted when I heard him laugh out loud! Omigod...Steven has the cutest laugh ever!
It made me giggle out loud to myself too, and we sort of looked at each other for a moment before redirecting our attention back to the TV again. DON'T force it, Jeremy! This is about as close as we've ever been to sharing a legitimate 'moment' with the cutest boy in school! Be smart about this. Just let it happen.
Omigod, he looks so hot when he's laughing!
We continued watching, and as things got increasingly silly, Steven seemed to loosen up a bit more. And then he SPOKE! Like...to ME! What the hell is happening here? "Is that Tony Toni Tone? What the...? Why are they playing...oh snap! She just cut that guy's HEAD off! Hahaha! What is going on?"
Bravely, I said, "Hehehe, keep watching. It gets worse..."
"Suck my what??? Omigod! Wait...wait...hahaha!" He said, and Steven just folded his arms around his stomach and actually had a really good laugh over what was taking place on that TV screen. "They're...hahaha...they're dancing in a giant puddle of blood! What???"
As much as I loved watching Steven play basketball in a pair of skimpy gym shorts, or standing in the rain while wearing a soaking wet T-shirt, or sneaking peeks at his beautiful ass as he went poking around under a table to find an electrical outlet...I don't think anything made me as unbelievably HARD in my pants as seeing him laugh and just...enjoy himself. It was something that I hadn't really been a part of before when it came to having him anywhere near me. It was the most adorable thing that I've ever bared witness to...and my heart began beating so hard and fast that I was afraid it was going to break down and stop beating completely.
Then again...if I died right here...right now...it might actually be worth it.
It wasn't until the episode was over and went to commercial that I realized that I was staring at Steven with a fixation that would probably send most people running for the hills if it was ever guided in their direction. But, when he looked back at me this time...he didn't seem so...'disgusted'. I don't know. Maybe it was just a lingering smirk from laughing at the cartoon, but it almost felt 'friendly' in its presentation. Excuse me for overhyping the whole experience, but it's really not something that I'm used to.
"Say, do you have anything to snack on?" He asked, nearly causing me to gasp.
I almost looked behind me to see if my dad was standing there, or maybe somebody else entirely. Was he really talking to me? Steven doesn't talk to me. He usually offers up just enough words to get me to stay the hell away from him and nothing else.
"Ummm...well..." I had to clear my throat. Emotion was clogging it up something awful. "...I've got some, uhhh...some chips. Maybe some Doritos. My dad's not big on keeping sweets in the house, so..."
"That sounds cool." He said.
"Cool..." I whispered. And he suddenly looked away from me again. What happened? What did I do? Was I being too forward? Did I ruin our moment? FUCK!!! "I'll...I'll grab us some chips. Ok?"
"K..." He said. And just as I got up to go in the kitchen, I saw Steven standing up to check his phone again.
Sigh...I probably messed things up. I don't know how, but I'm sure that I'll agonize over it later. For now, I'll just get him a snack and enjoy having him breathe the same air as me for a little while longer. I doubt it'll ever happen again after today.
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