It was pretty damn adorable, seeing Ariel so nervous about coming into my room with me. You would have thought that I had hidden cameras set up all over the place or something, the way he kept looking around. But, despite him dragging his feet a little bit, he did come in and find a place to sit on the side of my bed. He leaned back on his hands for a moment, and I sort of noticed him gripping my sheets out of the corner of my eye. Lord knows why. Ariel could be hard to read sometimes, and I was thinking that this was one of his stranger days.
He suddenly sat up and tried to cross his legs, but it looked so weird that I couldn't help but to smile at his awkward position. I mean...he had to be crushing his own nuts something awful. Hehehe!
I tried to keep from snickering out loud, and he asked me, "Wh-what'd I do...?" And I just told him that it looked like he was enjoying his Spring Break. Especially if he's anxiously waiting on Tyler to com home. Ryan already caught him looking suspicious as hell a day or two ago coming out of that house. And I'm pretty sure that Tyler has been enjoying Ariel's company to the fullest since the day they left us at the carnival. "Oh. Yeah, hehehe, I guess I am." He said, looking away from me and fidgeting a little bit, his feet bouncing slightly on the carpet.
It really wasn't any of my business, and I didn't want to pry...but I was just...UGH! I was dying to know more! "Soooo...I take it that Tyler is keeping you 'happy' then?" I said, watching his face turn bright red almost instantly.
"Uh huh..." He said, and he rolled his eyes with the cutest little smile as he tried to avoid my eyes.
He said that he was worried about things for a while, but he was learning to relax now. Which is a good thing. I told him, "It takes a while. I get it. He's your first boyfriend. It takes some getting used to."
Then, much to surprise, Ariel actually says, "Yeah...Tyler's my first...everything." Then he giggles as his soft, dark, hair slid downward into his face to hide his cheeky grin from me. It didn't work though, I could clearly hear him giggling behind them. "Hehehe, I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry! I'm just...I don't know what to say!" I told him. Omigod...LOOK at him! That poor boy's got it bad for Tyler! Then again, I can relate. Who wouldn't have a 24 hour hard on for a boy like Tyler, you know?
"I don't usually...I mean...I shouldn't." He said.
"Shouldn't what? C'mon, dude! Tell me! What's going on with you two?" Ariel just smiled and shook his head with a big old grin. "I know you want to tell me!" I said, causing him to break character and snicker a little bit. So I poked him in the side with my finger. Hehehe, he's soooo soft! Like, 'newborn baby' soft! Wow...
Ariel started to laugh out loud, saying, "Unh unh! It's secret!"
"Alright. If you don't wanna tell me..." I was still super curious about it all, but I wasn't going to push. I didn't want to be invasive or rude.
But...once I stopped asking him to talk to me, it almost looked like a shaken up soda...ready to burst. "We do it!" He squealed, his voice cracking a little bit as he bounced up and down on my bed from the sudden release. "We do it a LOT! Like...all the time. Every day. And sometimes we do it a bunch of times in the same day. And it's AWESOME!"
"Hahahaha!!!" I, literally, fell back on my bed laughing. I don't think I've ever seen Ariel so excited. Not a day in my life!
"Hehehe...sorry. That's prolly more than you want to hear about." He mumbled shyly.
"No way, you can't stop there. Tell me more." I begged.
"Really? I mean...is it ok for me to talk about this?"
"Of course it is." I said, holding my giggles in to keep him from being too self conscious about it. He's so adorable, but he scares easily. Getting Ariel to blossom and speak openly is like trying to catch a butterfly. You've got to be quick, but supper delicate at the same time. "Ariel, dude...you sounded like you've been waiting a long time to get that off of your chest."
"Yeah. I guess I have." He grinned. "I never really get to...you know...talk about him. Like ever. Well, I mean, I told my Gramms about him, but that kinda talk comes with...'restrictions', you know?"
"Believe me, I know." I said. After all of the subliminal conversations that I've had to limit myself to when it came to discussing Ryan with my mom, I completely understand where he's coming from. "Ok, so...you and Tyler are having fun, then?"
"Omigod, Randy...Tyler is soooooo good at sex!" He said with a big smile! Hahaha! WOW! Ok...so I wasn't expecting that. Not at all. "He's like the best at boy sex ever! And he's really nice when we do it too. Like, he gives me pillows...and sexy kisses...and he always makes sure that I'm ok and that nothing hurts. And he looks me in the eyes, and it feels like my heart is getting filled up with EXPLOSIONS and it's hard to breathe." As he was talking, Ariel really began to get antsy, shuffling around and looking like he was about to get up and start pacing back and forth with a mild panic attack. "Is it ok if I sit on the floor?" He asked, and I nodded.
"Yeah. It's cool."
"K..." He said, and he slid right off of my mattress to plop down on the bedroom carpet and spread his legs out so he could try to get a bit more comfortable. Then, he actually kept going forward with the descriptions of what it was like for him and Tyler to have sex. I was blown away. Hehehe, I'm not used to hearing Ariel talk like this. It's kind of...hot, you know? Apparently, the two of them have been going at it every day since Spring Break started, and probably even before that. Ariel is definitely an appreciative bottom boy from the sounds of it. I'm a little jealous that Tyler gets to keep him all to himself. Hehehe! "His blond hair sort of sweeps over my face, and he kisses me again, and then he hits my birthday spot and I go all weak in the middle..." He said.
"Hits your what?" I asked, but Ariel just sort of took a deep breath and moved on.
"I'm so in LOVE, Randy! He drives me absolutely bonkers every second of every day! And I have no idea what I'm going to do when we have to go back to school in a couple of days. I don't wanna go to stupid ol' school! I wanna lay in bed with Tyler all day and kiss! Hehehe!" Hehehe, he was just unleashing soooo much pent up sexual expression that I just sort of sat there and let him go for it. He was all dreamy eyed and sweet...I didn't want to stop him now. There will be no 'restrictions' in this conversation, that's for sure. "I think I might be turning into a sex addict." He said with a straight face.
"Hahaha! A WHAT???" I said. "Don't worry, Ariel. I'm pretty sure you're not a sex addict. A horny teenage boy with a super hot blond boyfriend, maybe...but not a sex addict." I swear, that boy is cuter than a dime store puppy!
"Hmmmm, I don't know. It's pretty much the only thing I think about now. It's his own fault for being so darn good at it. Like...you know, sometimes he leans over to...you know..."
I raised an eyebrow. "To what?"
He hesitated for a moment, and he quietly said, "...Like he does blowjob stuff?" Oh my! Ariel is showing even more of his naughty side. NICE! "And it's like...he does this super wild thing with his tongue that almost makes me want to pass out before he even finishes."
"Hehehe, oh yeah. I remember." I said, remembering the very brief time that Tyler and I were...well...not 'together', but...entertaining one another when he first moved here.
That boy's tongue was absolute magic! I know that Tyler kind of tried to teach me how to do it, but I doubt that I'd ever be as gifted as he is with it. Not that Ryan has ever had any complaints about my skills in that area. But it's pretty difficult to mess up a blowjob.
I was sort of lost in my memories of me and Tyler experimenting with oral sex those first few times when Ariel asked, "Remember what?"
Oh! Oh shit! Yeah...ummmm, let's not get into that right now. Or, like...ever. "Nothing." I said. "Look, the important thing is that you two are having fun being together right? You love him, and he loves you back. It's the greatest feeling in the world, isn't it?"
"Yeah..." He sighed. "I've never felt like this before. He does so much to just...enhance my spirit, you know? Like, my soul actually feels all weightless and floaty whenever I think about him. And he does so many nice things for me. I wanted to something nice for him too. That's why I bought him the necklace. I just felt like...ugh...I needed him to see that I was just as gooey over him as he was over me. I never know if anything I do is enough, though. I don't ever want him to feel underappreciated. I don't want to drop the ball on this."
Hehehe, 'floaty'. Ariel can be so precious sometimes.
But, as I peeked over at him...he seemed to be really squirming down there. I think he actually believed that he wasn't being a good enough boyfriend. And I'd be lying if I said that I couldn't relate. It can seriously do a number on your psyche to think that you might lose the best part of your life over simply being less than perfect.
I figured that I'd try to help him get his thoughts back in order, so I slowly slid off of my bed and sat right there on the bedroom floor next to him. "You know, when Ryan and I first got together, we were exactly the same way. It seemed like every day was a new challenge. It was all sex and giggles and drama and paranoia and jealousy...just, madness in its purest form." Ahhh, the good old days. Hehehe! "But, after a while...you kinda learn to mellow out a little bit. You get some practice with being in a relationship, make a few mistakes, have a few arguments here and there...and one day you wake up and you realize that what you have together means more than all of the outside noise that's constantly trying to force its way between you. You don't need gifts, or big declarations of love, or an entire day's worth of 'doing it', hehehe! You just need each other. Trust me, you won't have to work to express how you feel on one special occasion or another. The love will express itself...every day. You just learn to appreciate it. There's nothing more comfortable, or more soothing, than knowing that you are loved. And Tyler's got one of the biggest hearts of anyone I know. So you're in good hands, dude. Believe it." I think it made Ariel happy to hear that. In fact, he seemed to be trembling with joy. He asked me if I really worried about me and Ryan being together, and I told him the truth. That I worried about it all the time. "And not just in the beginning. I still worry from time to time." I said.
He asked, "Because of that Sean guy?"
Ugh...like I really wanted to spend any more time thinking about THAT smug son of a bitch! But...this is about Ariel right now. "Well, that's a whole other issue that I'm trying to deal with, little by little." I told him. "I mean, I don't own Ryan, and I can't just stop him from having friends, whether I like them or not. But...Ryan says that I should trust him, so I just...I make a real effort to try."
"That Sean guy is a jerk hole." Hehehe! I didn't know how much I needed to hear that until he said it out loud.
"The whole point is, like...you have to find a way to trust one another. Even when it's hard to do so. We're all just figuring this stuff out for the first time, and through the good times and the bad...I think Ryan and I have done pretty good for a couple of 'know nothing' teenagers. Hehehe!"
"Yeah. I think me and Tyler are doing pretty good too." He giggled. "Do you think the necklace thing is a bit too much?"
"No! No way! Tyler's gonna totally melt when he sees it. Trust me. It'll be, like...this really romantic gesture. He's gonna get such a sugar rush over it that I'm sure he's gonna 'do it' to you a lot more. Hehehe!" Ariel turned so red in the face that it was hard to keep from laughing out loud. It's like he couldn't believe that he actually told me that. It just gave me this warm and fuzzy feeling inside. If only Ariel had an idea of how many good times my boyfriend and I had right here in this very room. I practically lost my virginity right there on the floor where he was sitting. And, hehehe...as long as we're in a sharing mood...I pointed at my window and said, "You know...there was this one time...when Ryan, literally, climbed up that tree outside, and he snuk in through my bedroom window while I was sleeping. Hehehe!"
Completely shocked, Ariel whispered, "He really did that???"
"Yep! Right over there. Same window. Same tree." He definitely straightened up, waiting to hear more about this little fiasco. "Ryan has this thing where he says that he can't sleep when he thinks I'm mad at him. So he escaped from his house at, like, three or four O'clock in the friggin' morning, dressed like some kind of a NINJA ASSASSIN, hahaha...and he came creeping into my bedroom for us to ummmm..." Thinking back on it, i remembered his utting his head under the covers, and feel of his soft lips all over me. Our kissing. Our heavy panting. And Ryan straddling my lap to sink my erect inches deep inside of his sensual hole, intimately riding me to the point of orgasm while I tried to keep from crying out and having to shove him out the window half naked before we got finished. Hehehe, but I didn't want Ariel's poor head to explode from that many details, so I just told him, "...To 'make up'. Hehehe!" Giving him a naughty wink.
"Did your mom ever find out?"
"No. Thank God. I'm actually pretty surprised, to be honest. Ryan and I did a lot of reckless stuff since we first fell in love. Looking back on it, I can't believe that we got away with as much as we did. Some of our antics were...sitcom level wild. But I don't regret a single thing about the moments we shared. I can't imagine being more in love."
"That's cool." He said. "So...you guys are still a secret, then?"
"Well, Ryan's dad knows about us. And he seems pretty cool about it so far. I even went over to Ryan's house to have dinner last night."
"With his daddy there? Whoah!" He gasped.
"Yeah. It was a bit nerve-wracking at first, but I think I built it up to be a whole lot worse in my mind than it actually was. I left there feeling like...I had taken a positive step forward in my life, you know? It was almost like I could get used to having people know about us, and we could just be together without all the secrets and the cover ups and the whispers. It felt kinda good."
Ariel shyly pushed some of his hair back, and he softly said, "My Gramms thinks I should tell my mom and dad. You know...about Tyler and me."
"And...you're feeling a little hesitant about doing that, I take it."
"Yeah..." He said, almost with a sad pout. I guess it's something that all of us gay teens go through at one time or another. It hardly seems fair, but it happens. It's just something that we have to deal with. That's Ariel added, "I love Tyler, Randy. I really do. I just don't see why everybody has to get all involved all the time. I like it better when it's just us. I guess that doesn't make a whole lot of sense..."
"No, I get it. I feel the same way. It's like you finally found a way to be happy and comfortable in your life...and then there's all of this pressure put on you to do something that could disrupt everything and cause problems in a situation that you're perfectly satisfied with. It's like...WHY? We found what we were looking for. Why does it have to be their business how things progress from here on out?"
"So true." He replied. "I don't want to hide Tyler from everybody. I just...I don't want anybody else to make me feel bad for loving who I want to love. Not that my parents are all that bad about that kind of stuff, but...my dad keeps telling me that I'm gonna meet some girl, and my mom says that I'll stop being so clumsy someday and find somebody special...but I don't want any of that stuff. I already KNOW what I want. And Tyler is prolly one of the best 'accidents' that I've ever fallen into by mistake." Wow. I think Ariel hit it right on the head. I mean, I know that Ryan and I have talked about this sort of thing, and so have Cody and I in occasion...but they're already pretty much 'out', you know? I always feel like the know this whole closet game better than I do. It's just comforting to be able to sit and talk with someone who's going through the same struggles that I am right now. I think I like this. "I dunno...maybe I should tell them. I don't much like secrets. They make me feel all sour inside."
And that might have made the most sense of all. Just hearing him say that part made me wonder what would happen if I just came right out and told my tonight when she got home from work tonight. Just...got it over with so I wouldn't have to think about it anymore. So I wouldn't have to hide my glances at cute boys in the mall, or sneak around corners to kiss Ryan whenever he came over. What would it be like to set down this giant sack of emotional bricks that I've been dragging around with me for the past few years? Geez! Without the weight of all those secrets costantly holding me back...I imagine that life would go back to being so...'uncomplicated'. I looked over at Ariel, who was already bashfully playing with one of his shoelaces while waiting to hear what my response would be. So I said, "Yeah. They make me feel sour inside too sometimes." I sort of feel a little bit lighter already. Oh my God, I can't believe that I'm even letting this run circles around my brain right now...but I think it's time. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it tonight. Just...quick and painless, and then hope for the best. Yeah. Tonight. This is the night. I'm totally going to do this. "You know...I'm really glad you came over to spend some time with me today. I think you just cleared something up for me." I said. "Something that I've been thinking about for a long time now."
"Did I? Whoah...ok. Hehehe!" He looked so proud of himself. Awww!
"You want some more root beer?"
"Oh. Ummm...no, thank you. It was great but..." Ariel sort of wiggled a bit more, and I suddenly remember why he was really here in my neck of the woods to begin with.
"But you wanna go check to see if Tyler came home yet?" I grinned. No way that I'm going to compete with that piece of action.
He nodded, rolling his eyes with another timid grin. "Uh huh. But it was cool hanging out for a while though."
"Maybe, one day, we'll make a habit out of it." I said as we stood back up on our feet. "Thanks, Ariel."
"For being you. And for giving me the courage to do what I know I need to do." I told him. Then, something weird happened. He began to shift from one foot to the other for a few seconds, almost as if he was deciding whether or not to run into a burning building to rescue a cat. Then, all of a sudden, he practically lunged forward and wrapped his arms around my waist in one of the biggest, most unrestricted, hugs that I've had in a long long time. I mean, with his head pressed to my chest, constricting his grip until it was a little difficult to breathe.
"Thanks, Randy. I think I know what I need to do too." He seemed really emotionally invested in this special moment, so I just kind of hugged him back and let him get it out of his system. That boy has SO much love to give! It's just insane.
Then, he loosened up a bit, and looked directly up into my face with a huge smile. I giggled, "Ummm...you're not gonna KISS me again, are you?"
"Hehehe! What??? NO!" He said, now taking a cautious step back from our embrace. "Omigosh, Randy...that was, like, forever ago! How do you even remember that?"
"Oh, I remember. We ALL remember!"
"Well, I have, like...a boyfriend now. So...no more kisses for you." He said, and I'm pretty sure that he meant it too. Too bad. The last little peck on the lips was kind of nice. I just told him to go have fun with his blond angel across the street, and said that I'd call him later. Hopefully, if things go over smoothly enough with my mom, I'll have some really good news to tell him. Maybe we can give this whole 'coming out' thing a try together, you know? "See ya soon, Randy."
"See you too. Take care." I said, and watched him rinse out his root beer cup in the sink before hurrying back outside to go check Tyler's house again. They really do make a cute couple. And it looks like the most normal thing in the world to me. Hopefully, it'll look normal to my mom too.
Ok...looks like I've got about six and a half hours before she walks through that door. I should probably start thinking of what I'm going to say here. Maybe I should call Ryan over and have him coach me for a while. Making big announcements like this isn't really something that I'm good at.
Let's hope that Ryan can give me a quicker than quick crash course in it so I don't end up making a fool of myself.
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