Rory and I made our way out into the middle of the park somewhere so we could find a spot just for ourselves. The lawn was pretty full tonight, but I managed to discover a nice little patch of land in the middle of it all, where we could see the outdoor screen clearly and still feel like we had a little bit of privacy...you know?
I noticed Rory giggling quietly to himself as I put my hand out to stop him from just sitting down in the grass and the dirt. I reached into my backpack to take out a few of my surprises for him, but wanted him to be comfortable first. You know...'date' stuff. So I pulled out my big blanket, and I lifted it up in the air to let it gracefully flutter down to the lawn, giving us both a place to sit where we wouldn't get dirty or anything. And I smiled at Rory...him smiling back at me with a tender blush...and I waited for him to sit down first before I dropped down to join him. Our little picnic in the dark.
"Hehehe, what is all this?" He asked, bashfully avoiding my eyes.
"It's your birthday. That's what. It deserves a decent celebration." I said.
"I already told you, Kevin...you didn't have to do anything special for my birthday. Just being out her with you is awesome enough."
"Maybe it is for you..." I told him. "But not for me. So, shut up and take all of this extra lovey dovey mush that I've got to give you."
Rory laughed. "Yes, sir. Sorry, sir."
"Hush up!" I grinned. Then I reached into the side pocket of my backpack for my hidden treasure. A duo of cheap plastic champagne glasses. I gave him one, and took one for myself. "We need to make a toast."
He was a little confused. "Ummm...what?" He asked. "You got champagne?"
"Even better!" I smirked, and reached in my backpack again to bring out our special drink for the night.
"Hahaha! Monster Energy Drink?"
"Hey! It's got bubbles in it and stuff! Besides, I'm a few years short of grabbing anything with alcohol in it. So...deal with it." I said.
As his laughter died down a bit, he just gave me this really dreamy look for a few seconds. It was this really extended moment of affection that we both shared, his big brown eyes practically staring a hole right through to the back of my head. And I swear that I felt those nervous jitters surrounding my eager heart the same way that they did when we first began talking to one another. And I don't mean in person, once I found out how incredibly STUNNING this boy was in the looks department...but when we first really connected to one another online. No pictures. No voices. No shallow 'swipe right, swipe left' mentality to get in the way. Just two minds, two personalities, that found the true beauty and value in one another...and decided to pursue it for everything that it was worth. Because, at the end of the day...it's all that really matters, isn't it?
"I love you. You know that?" Rory sighed.
"Love you too." I'm glad that I was able to gather enough breath to return his sentiment, but the emotion was rapidly moving in to overwhelm me, and I felt this desperate need to escape the intensity of our eye contact for a few moments so I could readjust and find a casual way to keep my composure.
"No...I mean it, Kevin. I just...all of this..." He was stuck for words, and he just leaned forward to kiss me on the cheek, taking a hold of my hand as he blessed me with the cutest smile that I had ever seen. "...This was awesome. Thank you. I love you. This is the best birthday I've ever had."
Now feeling my face get hot as it flooded with a heavy blush of its own, I tried to deflect again. "Wait...I've got some more!" And that's when I brought out my big apple filled cupcake...which, I'm sad to say got a little bit smooshed as I was walking around with it. Or maybe while I was holding it so close to me on the train. Who knows? Either way, some of the apple filling had spilled out, and that totally sucked, because I wanted the apples to be a surprise, you know?
I frowned up a little bit as I looked at it, but tried to hide it from Rory as I just unwrapped it and set it on top of the plastic on the blanket we were siting. And then I brought out the single candle and stuck it into the collapsed top of the cupcake, even if it was all slumped over to the side and shit. I really expected this to look so perfect when I brought it out here.
"Sorry..." I said, trying to use my hands to push the cupcake back together so it would hold the candle upright. I did the best I could, and then lit the wick. "...Happy birthday, babe..."
I thought that maybe I had screwed up even my minor gesture of giving my new boyfriend a significant display of affection...but as I heard him sniffle a bit and saw him look away from me to hide his face, I knew that I definitely hit the target on this one. YES!!! I might not be so bad at this whole 'boyf' thing after all! Hehehe!
"...Kevin..." He sighed again. "This is...this is like...omigod..."
We were sort of enjoying a romantic moment, but a Chicago police officer came over and said, "Hey...no fires on the lawn. Get rid of it."
It was a bit intimidating, but Rory was quick to lift it up and he winked at me ust seconds before blowing his candle out and setting the cupcake back down on the blanket again. Luckily, the officer didn't give us too much of a hassle, seeing as we were still high schoolers and the flame was blown out...but they were definitely keeping an eye on everybody out here. Geez! Isn't there somebody robbing a bank somewhere or something? Leave us alone, for Christ's sake!
"Apple filled. You KNOW how much I love apples. Hehehe!" He said.
"Well...you weren't supposed to know about that until the first bite. I think I smashed it or something. It was meant to be a..."
"I LOVE it!" He said, stopping me before I spiraled down into an endless pit of paranoia and unnecessary guilt. "This is awesome. All of this...it's mind-blowing, Kevin. Thank you. Nobody's ever done anything like this for me before. I don't know what to say."
Giggling quietly, I said, "Say that 'I love you' thing again. I like it."
"I love you"
"I LOVE you, Kevin!" He laughed.
"Awwwww, yeah! That's the emotional high that I was searching for!" I snickered back at him. "OH! I almost forgot! I got you a card, too!"
"Geez, Kevin! You're gonna make me cry!"
"No, I won't! Promise!" I said, giving him the card and what I wrote inside. "Ummm...yeah, happy birthday, and stuff..."
Just then, the movie began to project itself on the big screen in the park. Humphrey Bogart in "The Maltese Falcon". I know that it was one of Rory's favorites, so it was hard to keep him from seeing any of the signs and stuff on the way over here. But, even as the studio logo popped up and the giant speaker in the park started playing the music for the opening credits...Rory seemed more focused on getting into that envelope and seeing my card. I don't know why I got nervous once he started reading what I wrote for him. Residual jitters of nervousness, I guess. Who knows? And that fluttering sensation in the center of my stomach only got worse as he began to read the words out loud. "To the brightest star in my night sky, to the air that I breathe, to the missing piece of my emotional puzzle, and the inspiration of my wildest dreams...happy birthday..."
GAHHH!!! Does he like it? I hope he likes it! Awww, PLEASE like it! I shouldn't have written all that extra shit in there. It sounds corny. I'm corny now! I didn't even want to look at his face, because I felt a little embarrassed over being so open about all of this.
It wasn't until I felt him lean over on our blanket and kiss me on the cheek again that I sort of began to relax into a more peaceful state of mind. "Thank you, Kevin. I'm...flabbergasted right now. You're too perfect for me to really comprehend right now, but...I like everything that I've seen so far." He said. I was stuck on how to come up with a somewhat clever reply to what he had just said to me...out here in an open field, surrounded by other people, without any paranoia or hesitation at all. But, just as I was getting up the nerve to stumble and stutter out a few words anyway, just for the sake of acknowledgement, his eyes widened and he looked at the giant screen in the park to see one of his all time black and white favorites being shown right in front of his eyes. "OMIGOD! Is this 'Maltese Falcon'??? I friggin' LOVE 'Maltese Falcon'! Whoah!!! It's so big! Look at it! This is what it must have been like in the old days, to see it on a movie screen like this!"
I giggled at how fast his whole mood amped itself up to its highest level after seeing that. "I've...actually never seen this before, so..."
He looked at me in shock. "Are you SERIOUS??? Never???"
"Hehehe, nope. I just saw it in the paper, and I figured...you know...you might like to..."
"SHHH! Sit still! You and I are going to watch this together! Right NOW! No excuses!" He giggled. Hehehe! Rory was so damn cute when he was excited. He actually began to wiggle a little bit. How could I not be sold on this movie when I was so enchanted by the cute way he was struggling to contain himself? So I decided to give him enough peace and quiet to enjoy one of his favorites for a while, but first...I reached out to take a hold of his soft hand...and simply smile at him as I saw my love reflected in the neon sparkle of his beautiful eyes. It's still so hard for me to accept that hes even here with me right now...but I'm doing my best to get used to it. I promise, I am.
"Oh wait! We can't let the opening credits finish without our 'champagne'!" I giggled.
"Oh yeah! Right!" He said, and piked up his lightweight plastic glass up as I poured some of our Monster Energy Drink into each one. Then we both held it up, and he said, "To my first legal birthday!"
"To your birthday!" I said, and we touched cups before tilting them back to guzzle it down. Teasingly, I said, "You know that you're technically messing around with a minor now, right? At least for the next three months. That makes you a certified pervert. Hehehe!"
"I won't tell if you won't." He snickered, wiping a bit of extra moisture off of the back of his hand. "Besides...you're totally worth it. I'll do the time if it means keeping you in my heart." Then he added, "But, if I'm going to jail...you'd better make it worth it! Hahaha! So get naked already!"
"If we weren't in a public park, trust me...I would have been naked a long time ago!" I giggled back at him, and then looked around us as I realized that there were people close enough to hear what we were talking about. Ummm...okaaaay, maybe we should tone it down a bit. Especially with Officer 'Mind-Your-Business' on patrol. I just kissed Rory lightly on the lips. Slightly longer than a friendly peck. "I love you."
"Love you too." And we poured ourselves another few glasses of energy drink as the old black and white movie started. I can't believe that everything was working out exactly the way that I planned it would for a change. I was pretty much just winging this whole 'date' thing...but it's not as clumsy and awkward as I expected it to be. Surprise, surprise. Right?
As the movie went on, I couldn't help but to giggle at a few parts of it. Rory always hushing me up or pointing something out in the story or on screen that I might not be noticing. And I eventually found myself just laying my head on his shoulder to watch on, blankly...all while wrapped up in the dreamy intimacy of the moment. My boyfriend. My sweetheart. Omigod, I've never been so comfortable in my life.
"I love the dialogue in these old movies. It's so different from everything else, you know? The old noir detective...it's so cool." Rory said quietly, almost as if to himself. And I could totally understand what he was saying, but I was so spellbound by his warmth and his captivating presence that I found it hard to concentrate on much of anything else...and merely hummed in agreement as I snuggled in closer, looking up briefly to deliver a sweet kiss on the side of his neck. Rory grinned a bit, and he even gave me a kiss on the forehead for appreciation's sake...but I think he was still mesmerized by the idea of seeing one of his number one old movies on the big screen with an audience for the first time. So his eyes traveled right back to it, and I restrained myself long enough to let him enjoy the experience for all it was.
I like this. I really do. You know?
And once the movie was over, and people started to stand up and collect their things...we followed suit. We both had to stretch a little bit from sitting on the ground for so long, but as soon as I reached down to grab our blanket...Rory moved forward to hug me around my neck, tightly pressing himself against me. "Thank you, Kevin. Tonight was awesome. Everything about this was just...perfect. I love you sooooo much."
"Sorry that smashed your apple cupcake..." I said, looking down at my feet with a smile. I don't know, it's just difficult to handle this tsunami of emotions all at once sometimes. Introducing a little guilt or negativity helps me to balance things out for a few minutes so I can catch my breath.
"The cupcake was amazing. YOU were amazing too." He said, kissing me on the lips again. "Did you like the movie?"
"It was cool. Hehehe, was Humphrey Bogart supposed to be the good guy? Why did he keep robbing that lady for her money? Hehehe! Is it me, or did he make her sell her own coat to pay him?"
Rory laughed. "Fuck her! She was a liar anyway." I love to hear Rory laugh. It fills my heart with so much joy when he laughs. "Besides, he's a detective. He's not rich. He's not putting all of this hard work in for free! Fuck you, pay me, bitch!"
That made me laugh out loud! "You say that like you've been hurt before, dude! Hahaha!"
"Everybody wants everything for free. Bogart went to bat for her and all she could do was ask for more free favors? I don't blame him. Not one bit. You want more? Throw me some cash, ya scandalous dame." He said in an old 50's detective voice.
Imitating the same kind of voice, I said, "Don't get yourself out of line, mister. That's a quality broad you're talking about over there."
"Quality broad? Just last night I seen her hugged up with another fella at the old hotel 'cross town."
"That other fella was me. I left the money on the dresser after playing patsy with her, what else did she want?" We both started laughing and got our voices back to normal. "I am such a geek."
"Me too. Isn't it adorable?" He said.
"Well, you wear it better than I do."
"Do I, though?" He smirked. And we both paused for a moment before I bent down to collect the rest of our stuff and put it back in my backpack so I could take it home with me. Why do I always shatter the moment? What would happen if I just allowed myself to get swept away in the turbulent undertow of the intense feelings that I had being pumped into my heart whenever he looked at me like that. I mean...don't worry, I'm never going to make another mistake like I did by the lake, trying to 'force' sexual intimacy into what Rory and I had as boyfriends. I didn't want to make him feel used or dirty about it all. And I know that he told me that he thinks about it too. But....sometimes it's hard to gauge when it's the right time to approach him on that level. Because I think about it. I think about it a LOT! But I get...stuck sometimes. I don't want to be a lame boyfriend with no physical appeal to him in the way that I wish I could be. But I don't want to be a horny pervert that's constantly grabbing his ass and telling him how much I wish I could be sucking his dick right now. I'm working on it...but it would have been awesome if I could have had all of this stuff figured out by now so tonight could have really been special for the both of us. You know?
See...this is why it's so unfair that straight boys and girls get to date and be socially connected in a sensual way when they're only twelve or thirteen years old. These are questions that I could have been figuring out years ago instead of being the emotionally suffocated 'gay' boy that has to hide and suppress his feelings until he's seventeen and now has to figure everything out for the very first time. It's just...it's so stupid.
Rory and I walked together for a while, taking our time so we could enjoy each other's company before we got back to his bus stop. Unfortunately, his bus was actually running on time for a change...and we could already see it coming down the street. So, I just moved in to kiss his soft and supple lips a few times before having to say goodbye to him for the evening. I kissed him so many times that he began to giggle from the surprise of my affectionate assault. "Hehehe, sorry..." I said.
"No complaints over here." He replied. "I'll call you tomorrow?"
"Ummm...can you call me tonight? Maybe when you get home? I'll be awake. Promise."
Rory gave me the sweetest smile. "M'kay. I will. Promise." Then he kissed me on the lips again just before the bus came to a stop right in front of us. A lingering kiss. "Best birthday ever. Thanks, Kevin."
"Cool..." I sighed, and then gave him a quick hug as I had to bear the torture of watching him get on that bus and have the doors close in my face. Allowing the vehicle to take him away from me as he smiled and gave me a gentle wave out of the back window. It literally made me so weak in the knees that I found it hard to stay standing. Especially while I was shaking like this. I've never been so in love. Wow!
I think I'm getting better at this boyfriend thing. Sweet! Hehehe!
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