(Part Two) -- The Shack Forums

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"I love you..." I said, an exhilarated whimper of joy escaping me just moments before his lips met mine again.

The last words spoken to before a freshly drawn out session of kissing and caressing one another in the most intimate ways all over again. Except, this time...as I moved my legs to straddle his lap...his hardness touching mine, I noticed that he was more than 'wet' enough to make things a little bit easier...or at least, I was hoping so. I didn't want to break the moment.

It's like...this sensual 'itch', you know? The idea that you feel so comfortable, so attached, to another boy the way that I feel right now...that you simply don't feel close enough to them in that moment. That you're both tensed up and totally relaxed at the same time. Not only willing, but practically begging for them to invade you in the most passionate way. To grant them access...and have them know that this is a special moment that you're only willing to share with the most beautiful part of your life. To surrender yourself, and let your lover know that you're ok with being completely vulnerable for the sake of love. I wasn't sure that I was ready. To think about it too much would, undoubtedly, ensure that I'd never be ready. But I wanted it. I ached with a craving that would finally give myself over to Brody, body and soul, right here...and right now.

As I kissed him deeply, I allowed myself to move myself down even lower, trying to find a decent angle as I felt his hardness poking at the narrow cleft between my cheeks. It turned me on to no end, but it doesn't mean that it didn't embarrass me to appear to forward with letting him know what I was hinting at. I kept trying to see if I could find a way open myself up to him without reaching back with both hands to pry my mounds open for him, but I couldn't seem to do it. The valley between my globes was too tight...causing his hardness to bend or slide to one side or the other without warning. So...after a few minutes worth of pent up sexual frustration...I reached back with one hand and arched my back...spreading my straddling legs even further apart...and taking a hold of his shaft to guide it towards the right spot.

Brody's eyes suddenly popped open, and he took in a sharp breath, resting his hands, palms down, on my bare thighs...and he whispered, "Wait...I mean...are you sure?"

It was obvious that I had been caught red handed. I was too scared to admit it. Too anxious to deny it. What do I say? I just looked into his eyes, feeling the courage building up inside of me a little bit at a time. And then, I finally closed my eyes for a second to slowly nod my head. Then I opened just one of them to see if maybe he had a look of rejection or disgust on his face after a brief moment spent in silence. I think Brody was just as nervous about this as I was. I don't know if that made me feel better or worse about all of this, but I tried to aim his hardness at my most private spot again, anyway.

"Hold on a sec..." He said, and I immediately felt ashamed for even suggesting such a thing. I went too fast. Pushed too hard. STUPID!

"I'm sorry. Nevermind, ok? Just...wha we were doing before was fine. It was fun. I was just..."

"No, wait. I'm just...I'm not saying 'no'. Err...unless you're saying no. Which would be totally ok with me." He blushed. And then I blushed. I wasn't sure where to go from there, but I saw Brody reach for the dresser at the side of his bed and open the drawer. He fumbled around in there for about fifteen seconds or so, and then he found what he was looking for and pulled it out. It looked like this little plastic packet of clear gel or something. Almost like those pods that people use in their dishwashers, only smaller. Brody fiddled with it for a moment, and then had to use his teeth to bite it open. Hehehe, I think he got some in his mouth, because he had to turn his head and spit it out on the pillow. My baby is so cute sometimes. Then he told me to raise up on my knees as he poured some into the palm of his hand. "They were passing these out in Health class, but I mostly just use it to...you know...well, to think about you at night, to be honest."

I didn't know if I had to do anything or...oh wait...he's reaching down to put it on himself. He stroked himself a few times, and I could hear him 'squishing' a bit over my shoulder, and I smiled while thinking about him doing this while he was in this bed all alone at night. "Do you want some too?" Did I? Don't get me wrong, I'm well aware of what lubrication is, I just...wasn't really sure how it worked, exactly. So I just nodded and held out my hand. He squirted a dollop of the liquid in my palm and I brought it to my hard shaft to coat it with its slippery feel. "Hehehe, oh...no. Zack, you're supposed to put it...you know...back there. Not, like..."

"If it's any consolation...it still feels pretty damn good." I grinned, and he gave me some more, which I leaned forward and rubbed on my exposed hole while kissing him on the lips again. "M'kay."

"Ok..." This time, I didn't mind dropping the pretense of hiding my lustful need for him any longer, and I pressed my head down on his chest as I used both hands to pry my cheeks open and present my virginal treasure to him without any shame at all.

The way my body shivered the moment his spongy head touched my quivering entrance...Brody almost thought that I was backing out of the whole situation at the last moment. I had to convince him by whispering, "It's ok. Keep going."

He quietly whined, "Let me know if I hurt you, ok? I don't ever want to hurt you."

Just hearing him say that made me relax even more, turning my head to kiss him on the cheek to agree to his terms. I wanted to give him everything. Every last part of me. Please take me, Brody. If only for this night.

Did it hurt? Yeah...it did. I'm not talking about blinding pain or anything...but losing my virginity to another boy for the first time was certainly no walk in the park for me. It took a few attempts, some repositioning, and a little soft spoken communication as to how we were both going to figure this out...but with time and patience and LOTS of sweet kisses from my beautiful boyfriend, comforting me as best as he could...the acorn shaped tip slipped into me. Splitting my stubborn defenses and sinking into my body with such ease that it felt like it always belonged there from the very beginning.

We both gasped and moaned at the same time, causing us to giggle sensually for a moment as I just held it inside of me, feeling it flex as my body did its best to adjust to the intrusion. It hurt in the most intimate way imaginable. A 'pleasurable' pain. Not punches and slaps, not kicks to the stomach, or the pain I felt from my father's constant pinches to my pride. But a pain born out of the unconditional love that we had for one another. There's nothing else like it. Nobody can hurt me with as much kindness and affection as Brody can. We tongue kissed one another again, and the lube allowed him to slip in a little bit deeper into my love. I think it was mostly accidental on both of our parts...and as it went a little too far in for my immediate comfort, my legs sort of locked up and I held my breath as I involuntarily clenched my hole around his shaft. "Holy Jesus fucking shit!!!" He gasped, and we both tried to get our eager bodies to relax again. Youth makes you anxious sometimes...and for my virgin experience, trying to sit still and wait for us to get started was tantamount to a little boy waiting for a new game system for Christmas. I just wanted this to go right. And so far...it was perfection, tenfold.

Soon, I was able to lower myself a bit more, getting my round globes closer to his lap, but I could only go an inch or so at a time before I had to stop again. My erection was pulsing so hard in front of me that it was pure agony for me to not grab a hold of it and jack myself off to a huge release right there on Brody's chest! Especially with it being covered in lube and shining in the afternoon sunlight like that. But I had both of my hands planted firmly on his thighs as I leaned back and tried to sink more of him into me as gradually and as safely as possible. It feels different than I thought it would, but not in a bad way. I mean...I really liked it! I just was a little worried about trying to fully impale myself on it all at once. I've never done this before, but I know enough to understand that it doesn't sound like a good idea for me to do that.

I could feel Brody's legs shaking in the cutest way as I let him slip a little further into my snugly fitting tunnel, and that only made me more determined to get all of him inside. And with just a little bit more work...I finally felt my cheeks resting on his lap, where I let out a long sigh and moved my hands up to rub his flat stomach with both hands. The tip of his hardness was pressed up against something in me that sent wiggles through me, and when I rose up a bit and sat back down again...it hit that magical spot again, feeling even better than the first time. Wow! Let me do that again! "Soooo tight..." Brody whispered.

"Huh? Too tight? I'm sorry." I said, but he reached for my hips and held me still.

"No no no...keep going. Please?" He said. So I rose up a bit further again, and then sank down again. And then again. Each time, having hit that exciting place within me that only made me want more and more. To the point where I began to gyrate my hips to get his hard tip to circle and rub up against it until I was almost too breathless to remain conscious. "Omigod, Zack...don't...don't stop..."

We both began a rhythm where I slowly bounced on his lap, and he began to time his measured thrusts upward into me with more force than before. We whimpered and panted in unison until the compelling drive to go even harder took us over. And it dawned on me that we were actually making love. Sex...true sex...was no longer this vague emotion attached to a single three letter word that had been discouraged and hidden and even demonized my whole life. It was now painting my every fantasy with broad strokes of vibrant color. Finally given a clear definition, exploding with a euphoric fireworks display that set my spirit on fire and pushed me beyond the boundaries of any pleasure that I've ever known. Yes! Oh GOD, yes! More! Please...MORE!

My insides clutched so tightly around Brody's erection that he couldn't hold himself back for longer than a few minutes...but when he came, it was with the force a geyser. Flooding me as his whole body began to spasm and twist in reaction to a climax that he could never have prepared for, even if he tried. I wish I could have felt it inside of me, but I could only tell from his wailing and writhing that I knew he was releasing his heated seed into my tight virgin hole. That, combined with the slick fluid that came with it, allowing my motions to be much more lubricated than they were a moment ago.

I only had a second's warning before I let loose and sprayed my own offering all over Brody without even touching myself. A load even bigger than the first from the looks of it. Just not as thick. It just sort of 'happened' all by itself from me being so hot for the super sexy boy that I was riding for all I was worth at the time. Omigod! A hands-off ejaculation from inner anal stimulation alone is something that everybody should experience just once in their life. I swear...it's like world peace delivered in a teaspoon's worth of squirts. And when we were done...I collapsed on top of him for a few quick kisses before rolling over to the side and letting him slip out of my no-longer-virgin orifice. Both of us huffing and puffing as though we had just run three marathons, back to back. Oh God! Oh WOW! Is this what sex with my very own boyfriend is going to be like from now on??? How the FUCK did I ever live without this before now? Oh man! My whole body feels weak from head to toe...and yet, it feels so 'alive'. There's like this subtle electric current traveling through me right now, and I don't know what to do with it. I think the endorphins in my system forced me to smile, and even giggle a little bit to myself, for the sake of burning off some of that excess energy before it completely overwhelmed me...but it felt good, nonetheless. It felt like the best kind of madness. Hehehe! I don't know how else to describe it. I have no words. Seriously.

"I was trying to figure out that same thing." I said. "I think...I think it did." Then I took a hold of Brody's hand, and I told him, "I'm glad it happened."

He looked at me, and raised my hand to his lips to give it a little kiss before sighing and admitting, "I'm glad it happened too."

And there we stayed. Just doing our best to ride out the intense afterglow of our very first virgin experience with one another. Trying not to float away on the sensual high of it all. I didn't even realize that it started to rain while we were spending such an intimate moment together. Not until the raindrops began to pelt the glass of his bedroom windows. And whether it was the storm clouds rolling in or the time of day, I noticed that it was starting to get dark outside. And that meant that I was going to have to leave my angelic sweetheart behind and go home to face...whatever may be waiting for me there.

What can I say? I knew that I was going to have to 'pay the toll' for coming over here...but I'd be lying if I said that it wasn't worth it.

Finally....for once...I was able to experience the one day in my whole fucked up existence where I feel like I can honestly say that I lived my best life...and I did it all. I'm so proud of that.

It took a while for me to convince Brody that I seriously needed to go. He kept trying to get me to stay, hehehe! He even got hard again on purpose to entice me. But the longer I put this off, the worse it'll be. I knew that. I didn't tell him about it, but he could see the distress in my eyes...and once we were both dressed and I was standing at his front door...he sniffled a bit and looked as if here about to shed a few pointless tears on my behalf. Even after all the love that he had shown me, saving me from more suffering than I could ever hope to put into words...I didn't feel worthy of this level of emotion. Not from Brody. He deserves better. Better than having to help me carry a weight that neither one of us should be asked to hold up on our own. It hardly seems fair.

"I can come home with you, Zack. If you want. It's raining again. I can...I can just come home with you and make sure you get there safe..." He said with a quivering voice.

But I just smiled, and I caressed the side of his face, giving him a sweet kiss on his lips. "I'll be alright, Brody. I promise." I said. "And the next time your mom goes bowling, we'll get together again and have some more fun. K?" I kissed him again, and I said, "Today was more than I ever could have dreamed it could be. You'll always be the best thing that ever happened to me. Don't you ever forget that. Promise?"

"Zack..." He sobbed, and moved in to hug me tightly around the neck as we both cried on each other's shoulders. "...I love you."

"Love you too." I didn't want to draw this out any longer. If he had asked me to stay, I probably would have. And that meant that I had to leave before he got the chance. That's what self preservation does for boys in my situation. It forces you to choose between the lesser of two evils. And like I always said...

But...no one will ever be able to tell me that I didn't have love in my life when I was here. Because I did. I had kisses and giggles and moments where the cutest boy in school held me close like he really loved me. For everything that I was, and everything that I wasn't. I've got no complaints. "I'll see ya 'round, babe..." I said. The word 'babe' giving me a joyful tingle as I opened the door and heard a bit of thunder boom overhead.

I just smiled and said..."Sure. Later." And I hurried out into the rain to make it home. I can't believe that he loves me soooo much. I really can't. But I love him too. I hope he knows that. I need him to know that. No matter what.

And so I was off. The devil was waiting for me at home, but just the feeling of cool rain on my face, the pulsing of my infatuated heart, and that little tingle that I could still feel in my trembling ring after being penetrated for the very first time...gently...carefully...tenderly...

The horror of what was to come simply didn't bother me anymore. It was a peak that I never thought that I'd be able to reach after being stuck in the valley for oh so long. Sinking in emotional quicksand. Refusing to take the hand of anyone who was willing to help me out of it.

Brody helped me to escape. He was the only one who could make me see any value in myself at all, my own mother aside. I owe him my life for that. And he can have it. All of it. Thank you for being my angel, baby. The cure for everything that was broken in me. I'll always love you for that.