I said the magic words, but felt totally unprepared for the magic they would bring me once I committed to them. I was trembling violently in that moment, and it caused me to hesitate...with Blake sort of trying to mentally push himself forward to meet me half way. But it took a few awkward moments of rocking back and forth before we were able to actually get close enough together to make it happen. I sort of leaned in a bit faster that he was, craving the moment that I had been dreaming of for oh so long. Blake started to close his eyes, but as he looked at me, and I looked back at him, we knew that we were going to have to slightly adjust our position. I mean I wasn’t trying to headbutt him in the forehead like some kind of thug, and he wasn’t trying to bloody my nose by mashing them together with too much force. What kind of weirdness is this? I thought human faces were sort of designed to encourage and support something as simple as kissing! Why is this not working?
Blake and I both blushed at our uncoordinated attempt to display our freshly discovered affection for one another, giggling softly at the absurdity of it all. But then, he leaned in again, gesturing for me to lean my head to the right so he could do the same on his side of the romantic equation...and this time, everything seemed to just naturally fall into place. He tilted his beautiful face one way, some of his sweet bright honey blond hair being swept aside as if in slow motion, and I tilted my head the other way...closing my eyes and letting my heart guide me the rest of the way. I don’t know how we made it happen, but this was so much less awkward with our eyes closed. I was just left to trust my instincts on this one...and they didn’t let me down.
Our lips participated in the most sensual collision. Soft and tender. Nervous, but yearning. Compelled to fully absorb and explore the full sensation of this mysterious experience. It wasn’t easy to really enjoy it at first. I spent a few moments just trying to hold myself together and praying that I was doing this right...and then another few moments spiraling down into a deep rabbit hole of utter disbelief that it was happening at all. Not just because I was kissing somebody for the first time, or even because I was actually kissing another boy. But because it was Blake, specifically. It was like I could see him with my eyes closed. I could feel his heart pouring itself into my own, and I felt a pining desire to do the same for him. It’s strange how you really take your own lips for granted, thinking that they’re no big deal at all...until they are pressed against the lips of someone you’ve grown to cherish, through and through. It’s like...unspeakably awesome.
We were so still at first, trying to figure things out...but the motion of our kissing lips came so naturally just a few seconds later. I was left breathless by the sensual gyrations, and by the feel of his warm breath blowing softly on the side of my cheek as his heart began to be just as fast as mine was. I attempted to balance myself by clumsily looking for something to lean on or hold onto, but it was as if my hands were made of watered down clay. I wasn’t quite sure what to do with them or where to put them...and I didn’t want to just grab him in a way that seemed too lustful or invasive as I was afraid that it would scare him off and our magic moment would come to an end. And all of this was going through my mixed up mind while still trying to maintain some level of ‘cool’ while sharing my very first kiss with a boy that I truly treasured with all my heart...even if only from afar until now.
And then it happened...I felt the tip of his tongue bashfully slide forward, only slightly...to touch my own. I can’t even describe the electric vibrations that ran through me when he did that. It affected me in such a surprising way that my eyes suddenly popped open and I froze up for a moment...only able to see his cheek, and some of his blond locks, and one of his ears. Hehehe, even this close up, I couldn’t find a single flaw in his majestic profile. Blake was too beautiful to even remember what a comfortable existence felt like before he became a part of your reality. And I can’t even see the glory of his bright blue eyes from this angle. How crazy is that?
Blake only poked around for a short moment, but I could feel his tongue retreat slightly as if he felt slightly insecure about taking the initiative to do such a thing in th first place. But I liked it! I really did! And the moment I felt Blake’s head starting to tilt in the other direction, it was easy and natural for me to step up and do the same. We switched sides without missing a beat...and all I could do was hear the voices in my head screaming...
‘Omigod!!! We’re KISSING!!! We’re actually KISSING!!! Ahhhh!!!!!!’
Hehehe, it may sound silly now, but you tell me...what was going through YOUR head the first time you made out with another boy?
This time, my hand found my way up to his cheek, and I just let it rest there as the passionate seal between us kept us bonded together in our intimate embrace. And...missing the feel of his tongue on my lips...I allowed my own to venture out slightly to see if I could find it again. Even though Blake didn’t break our liplock, I heard him inhale deeply, almost a gasp, as he raised his eyebrows and let his tongue move forward to mingle with mine. It was a slow and fancy dance that our tongues did as they moved against one another like that between our sucking lips. It was a little weird at first, but we both caught on to the mechanics of what we were doing pretty quickly.
I would have thought that tongue kissing would be more...I don’t know...wet. You know? And not in a good way, but in a way that you’d suffer through for the sake of having a hot time. But the truth is...it really wasn’t. Where I once expected it to be all drooling streams of saliva and germs and trying not to gag from having it reach too far towards the back of your throat...I found the most beautiful and erotic expression of young love that I could have ever dreamed of. It was soft and comforting...a miracle for all of my awakened senses. I could feel the slightly textured pattern of his tastebuds on my own, and we both tilted our heads back in the opposite direction again as things became more intense between us. The more I kissed his lips, the more I WANTED to kiss his lips. My hand on Blake’s cheek had now moved to the back of his head, and I pulled him closer as the gentle sounds of us smacking and licking at one another began to fill the room. Both of us attempting to suck the air out of each other’s lungs with a fever that we had never known before...and all under the flickering colors of the Christmas lights my dad had set up in the basement.
We were absolutely breathless by the time we paused to take a quick break from it all. I mean, I didn’t want to stop making out...and, to be honest, I don’t think Blake did either. But my heart was pounding so hard and my body was tingling with such an overwhelming rocket fuel shot of warm and fuzzy endorphins...that I literally didn’t know if I could handle it all before my entire biology was irreversibly thrown out of whack and I just burst into flames right there on the couch. I needed to catch my breath. Oh God...I just...I need to breathe...
Blake giggled sweetly as I leaned my head back and stared up at the ceiling above us. He reached over to pull the other side of the blanket up over my shoulder, and just snuggled in close, hugging me around my heaving middle and deeply inhaling my scent. “Hehehe...you taste like hot chocolate.” He said, lightly kissing my shirt.
“Do I?” I asked. “Sorry. Hehehe!”
“No. It’s a good thing. I liked it.”
We both just sat there for a moment, with my mind reeling from the events of the past few minutes...and I sighed to myself with the ultimate satisfaction of knowing that a major milestone in my life had finally come to fruition. Goal achieved. Mission accomplished. And...many years from now, when I’m old and gray and lying on my death bed...I’m going to think back to this moment, right here on this basement couch during the Christmas holiday...and I’m going to think to myself, ‘Yeah...I did that.’ Hehehe, and nobody can ever take that away from me. Not ever.
It’s moments like this that define a person. A life. And makes you remember how much you matter in the grand scheme of things. Right here at Christmas time.
Blake and I cuddled for a short while, our attention eventually going back to watching the same movie that we had playing upstairs and left unattended. But we also looked at the duo of basement windows that we had down there at ground level, noticing how the falling snow had covered them up almost completely, with a heavy wind blowing the mounds into a smooth dune of gleaming white ice as they threatened to cover up our view of the outside world completely.
It must be SO cold out there. Just looking at it, I contemplated turning up the heat in the house to keep us from catching a draft of the harsh Winter threat that was just on the other side of that wall. I can’t even imagine what it would have been like for Blake to be out there right now. Pretty much homeless...all alone. On Christmas, no less. I mean, I have faith in humanity and all...and I’m sure that there are a lot of people who would have seen a starving child at the strip mall and offered him some spare change or maybe something hot to eat. Maybe a cup of coffee, or some second rate hot chocolate from a nearby barista. But would that save him from the elements outside? Would it keep him warm, or put a roof over his head, or just...talk to him long enough to inspire the kind of smile that I’ve had the blessing to experience here tonight? Or would it just be loose change, a feeling of self satisfaction, and then walking away to let him suffer through a sub zero Chicago Winter for as long as he can before seeing his dead body on the news one night and have him be another statistic for kids who just need help? Who don’t just want love, but are deserving of it. In every way possible.
What would the world lose if Blake wasn’t a part of it anymore? I hate to even think about it.
I heard Blake giggle to himself and put my arm around his shoulder to hold him close. Hehehe, it was just too cute for me to help myself. “What? What is it?”
“The paper...” He said, nodding towards the tabloid that I had bought from the strip mall when I picked him up. “...It says that John F Kennedy is still alive and he’s running for President next year.”
“What?” I snickered. “Wouldn’t John F Kennedy be, like...over one hundred years old???”
“Hey, I didn’t write it.” Blake said. “People will believe anything these days, Aric. Just keep saying it over and over and over again, and it’ll happen. Too bad they never use that kind of logic and mental manipulation for something good, you know? Like being nice to people. Beating depression. Weight loss. Not littering. Could make a significant difference in the world.”
“I suppose not everything is as easy as loving you.” I smiled, and I kissed his lips again.
He chuckled, “I see what you did there. Very smooth. I didn’t expect that, so major points for you tonight, Romeo.” He briefly kissed me back on the lips and then leaned forward to pick up the tabloid paper and lean back on the couch with me, holding it up so we could both see it while I readjusted the blanket to keep us both warm and snuggled up together like a couple of newborn puppies. Hehehe! “Hey, look...humongous jellyfish attacks a cruise ship in the Gulf of Mexico.”
“Do jellyfish even exist in the Gulf of Mexico?” I asked.
“Hell if I know. But it must be true, because they’ve got a photoshopped picture of it right here. See?” He grinned, showing me the paper.
“Sooooo...someone on another boat saw a giant jellyfish attacking a cruise ship from a distance, and they decided to take a picture of it and give it to the first tabloid that asked for it?” I laughed.
“Looks like it. So that’s what we’re going with right now.”
“Did anybody research this?”
“Nobody researches anything anymore. Just put it on Facebook or something. That’s enough. Hehehe!” He said. “This shocking, ‘one of a kind’, photo helps to sell the story though.”
“Uh huh...I’m sure.” I said, and found myself leaning over to kiss him on the cheek again. I mean, just having him sitting here next to me, feeling his body heat and the slowly fading fragrance of his shampoo from his recent shower as he leaned his slim body against me, his silky blond mop brushing itself across the inside of my arm...it had me so aroused that it was hard to behave myself around him. I loved the way his soft cheeks felt against my lips. And whenever I kissed him, they would turn the sweetest shade of light pink...causing me to move in and kiss him again. His beauty was so addictive to me.
“Hehehe, you really like kissing me, don’t you?” Blake asked.
“Can’t say that there’s anything else that I’d rather be doing with my life, right now. So yes...that’s a proper assessment. Hehehe!”
“Heh...cool. It feels good. Do it more.” I immediately started to smother him with more kisees all over his face until we were both giggling wildly and he begged me to stop. “That’s enough! Geez! Too much!”
“Is it though?” I said, and I leaned over to kiss him again but he put his hands up on my chest to keep me from going any further. We smiled at one another for a moment, and he couldn’t resist coming forward to kiss me deeply on the lips once more. Then he leaned back again, just as bashful and cute as ever. “Do I still taste like hot chocolate?” I asked.
“Definitely.” He smiled.
“Marshmallow and all?”
“Marshmallow and all.” He confirmed, and scooted over to nest himself even deeper into my embrace. Then he turned a few pages on the tabloid while I nuzzled my nose and lips into the warm locks of his hair, just so happy to be close to him in a way that I had only fantasized about until this very moment in time. “What is this?” He said, looking at the paper.
“What is what?”
“It says the urban legend of ‘Lady Margaret’ has been debunked by scientists. Killer mermaids aren’t real.”
“People thought killer mermaids were real?” I snickered.
“According to this they did. Guess they were wrong.”
“I think that might be the most truth this paper has ever posted in its entire run at the store.” I said, compelled to kiss Blake on the cheek again. “The legend of Lady Magaret...what even is that?”
“Beats me.” He replied. “Some folks swear by it, though.” Then he turned his head to look me in the eye...Jesus, those neon blue orbs of his are breathtaking beyond compare. “Do you think that some of these people are really crazy? Or do you think they’re just made to feel crazy because nobody believes them?”
It was something that I had never really thought about before. I said, “I don’t know. I mean, what would you get out of having everybody believe that you’re out of your mind?”
“Well, think about us for a second. I mean...we’re both boys who like boys, right? But we’re not, like...we’re not actually crazy are we?” He asked me.
Still trying to shake myself free of the mesmerizing glow of his stunning blue eyes, I stammered back with, “I don’t think we are. Not in the least.” Then I said, “Maybe it’s the people who don’t understand who want us to feel like the crazy ones in order to pretend that they’re not. You know?”
With a few thoughts lingering on my grandparents, I said, “I totally get it.” It was a bitter taste, because I didn’t want to hate them...but, let’s be real about this...a part of me kind of does. “I mean, a tree is a tree. A chair is a chair. A dog is a dog and a cat is a cat. What good does it do to mistreat it and yell at it or try to shame it into being something else? And we’re the crazy ones? We’re not the ones denying reality here.”
“EXACTLY!” He said, now getting a bit more animated. “It’s like...just leave me alone, you know? I’m not asking for ‘permission’ to be who I am. I’m just letting you know the truth about what is going on so I don’t have to go through the excess drama that it takes to hide it from you anymore.”
“I feel the same way. Like...you don’t have a say in this. You don’t get to control me and mold me into what you want me to be for your own purpose. Whatever that purpose may be. I mean...thanks, but no thanks. Right?”
“God, it is SO cool to finally find somebody who gets me!” Blake said. “You’re amazing Aric, you know that? You really are.” Our eyes connected, the flashing Christmas lights illuminating our young faces with a dance that drew us both in together again to engage in a lingering tongue kiss that got us all heated and jittery again. It might have been WAY too early to start slinging around phrases like, ‘I love you’, already...but I’m not going to lie...that’s what it felt like. After weeks of casual conversations and sexual fantasies...having all of them come together all at once like this in a house all by myself with no parents around...finding out that Blake was just as intriguing and as charismatic as I could have ever imagined he could be...that’s exactly what it felt like. It felt like love.
And my body went into a full blown tantrum of insecure tremors when my brain began to truly think of the possibilities of how this night might continue on from here. WOW! And he’s wearing my sweatpants with no underwear on at all! I’m going to lose my mind!
I swear...I’m totally going to lose it!!!
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