(Chapter 12) -- The Shack Forums

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I found it hard not to stare at him, you know? Parker was a little hard to take your eyes off of once he was in close proximity to you. Just having him look out of the train window as we traveled downtown, the glory of the daily sunshine highlighting his beauty in the most delicate way imaginable...it was intoxicating, you know? I mean, I’d always make sure that I quickly turned my head in the other direction or simply averted my infatuated gaze to make it look like I was just staring at something random out of the same window...but deep down, I just wanted to drink in his immaculate beauty every second that he and I were together. It was amazing, you know? It made it a little hard to breathe sometimes, but I struggled my way through it with a sense of grace. Or...at least I’d like to think so.

Was this an official date? Was it not a date? I think it’s a date. We’re kissing and spending time together every chance that we get whenever we’re alone, so, like...we’re in love, right? Sort of? At least dating? At LEAST dating, for sure! So that means that this is a date. A date for Parker and me. Definitely. That’s pretty much indisputable, right? We did agree that were pretty much official now. I’m thinking that’s got to count as a check mark in the win column.

Yeah...this is a date. A date to Navy Pier. Why does that suddenly make me so very nervous?

The weird thing is...I kept trying to think of ways to maybe approach the tender action of maybe holding his hand, right there on the train. I don’t think he’d have much trouble showing an open display of affection in public or anything, seeing as he’s much more flexible about having his sexuality out there without really thinking about consequences...well, excluding his big brother, Jason. But...then again, he doesn’t seem like the kid of guy who would be very accepting of the idea. At least not without a lot mild sibling bully tactics and months of ‘over the top’ teasing, anyway. So I can’t blame Parker for wanting to hold off on making that particular confession any time soon.

And yet...even though I knew that I was the only one being scared in that moment and really really wanted to hold his hand to let him know how cool it was to just be doing this with him today...I couldn’t bring myself to work enough courage to make it happen. I, literally, began to tremble visibly at the idea of reaching over to cross the few inches between his hand and mine...and I simply couldn’t understand why.

I mean, was he just too ‘pretty’ for me to get rid of the idea of rejection? Too far out of my league? Too dreamy or too sweet? Or was it this turbulent feeling deep inside of me that knew that once my heart dared to cross that line with my new official ‘boyfriend’...I’d never be able to come back again. It was a commitment. Not just to Parker...that, I could handle without flinching. But to even having a boyfriend. Being gay. Dropping all of the pretense that I used to be able to keep to myself so easily in private, and letting the world know who I am. Without an apologies at all. Maybe I’m making too much out of this whole thing, and it shouldn’t feel like that big a deal...but the weight of it feels like its pressing down on me regardless. I wish I could ignore it, but I can’t. At least not yet.

I was staring at Parker again when he suddenly turned his head in my direction before I was able to hide my obsessive longing, and proceeded to blush furiously as the cutest little smirk appeared on his face. I’m pretty sure that he caught me staring, but he just sort of brushed his fingers through his hair and widened his smile in acceptance of the compliment. “Do you think Gary knows about...you know? Well, everything.” He asked.

“It depends on what you told him. I wasn’t gonna say a word. Hehehe!” I replied.

“To be fair, I just sorta blurted it out without thinking. He figured out the rest. But I didn’t really say much. Promise.”

“K...cool...” He said shyly, and after a brief pause, Parker added, “...I saw that he’s got this, like...Justin/Taryn love locket in the display case up front. He only ordered three or four of them to keep in stock. You know...just in case.”

My heartbeat began to speed up slightly, but I didn’t want to get too far ahead of myself. “Yeah. I saw those when he first got them. They’re, ummm...they’re pretty cool, huh?”

Parker blushed slightly just as the train began its descent into the subway. “I thought so. They were a little sparkly, but they’re not too shiny or anything. They’re just a little trinket for maybe one person to tell another person...that...you know...” He took a deep breath. “...I love you.” But despite our eyes connecting for a lingering moment, he almost seemed to scamper back into a shell and take it back when he said, “IF somebody was trying to say that! You know? I just think, that would kind of be a cool way to do something like that. It comes with a necklace and everything...” Parker’s voice trailed off as he mumbled the end of that sentence, and went back to looking out of the window again.

The thing about train windows in the subway, though...it’s a dark tunnel, and you can easily see everyone’s reflection in the once you’re underground. And Parker seemed a little bit distressed. I couldn’t help but to feel that was my fault for not making more of an effort on my part. I should be overjoyed that I have someone to be so head over heels in love with! What the heck is wrong with me???

Feeling a touch of boyish shame, I tried to force my hand to creep ever closer to his...and for a brief moment, I brushed the back of my knuckles against his, causing him to look down for a second...and that back up into my eyes. Those, bright blue orbs of his...gleaming with an angelic glow that took my breath away every single time I took in the full beauty of them head on without any kind of filter whatsoever...they caused me to giggle cheerfully from the ticklish sensation that it sent surging through me from head to toe. Parker giggled back at me, and thanks to him having a bit more of a brave streak going for him than I had at that moment...he actually move his hand over a bit further, and gently clasped his fingers around mine. Mission accomplished! Whew...that wasn’t so hard, was it?

Ok, maybe it was a bit of a test, but I’m getting better at this sort of thing. Especially since I refused to let go once we were linked up like that. At least...not until we got to the Chicago Avenue stop, which came way too soon for my tastes, and we were forced to get up and make our way out of the station and back up to the street.

“I always forget whether the Chicago stop or the Grand stop is closer to Navy Pier.” I said, the sunlight blinding us all over again after such a short trip.

“I don’t know. I think they’re probably the same amount of distance? I might have that wrong though.”

Parker smiled at me. “It is, if you want to wait for one.” Then he gave me a wink, and said, “Unless you just wanna hike all the way down to the lake. It’s not really all that far, when you think about it.”

“I’m down if you are.” I said, and as soon as the light changed, we navigated our way through the crowded rat race of downtown Chicago as we headed East to...you know...hehehe, our date.

It’s so cool to be able to say that, even if it’s only in my own head. If anybody had told me that I’d be taking a really cute gay teen boy to Navy Pier with me today...and a ‘Day-Hard’ fan on top of it, I would have said that you were completely out of your friggin’ mind! And yet, here we are. Oh God, this feels so scary, but in the most awesome of ways. If that makes any sense.

It took us about twenty five minutes to travel through the city blocks to get to Lake Michigan and then turn in the direction of Navy Pier. The fountains were going, the tourists were all out there to wander around and marvel at the overwhelming beauty of the place, and some of the boys were the pure definition of eye candy at it’s finest.

Honestly...I really have to stop taking Parker to places where there a sooooo many boys that are probably cuter than me in one way or another. You’d think I would have learned my lesson after the skater park.

I sort of let my arms wing a bit wider than normal, hoping to brush my hand against his again...but he didn’t take it this time. Not that he rejected it or brushed me off...I just think that the touch was so soft that he didn’t really notice what I was up to. I could have just grabbed a hold of him, but the secretive moment had passed now, and just snatching his hand to hold mine and hold it close would have probably felt kind of aggressive and weird. I mean...am I right? No? God, I’m so awkward at this.

I kind of wish that we were alone at his house again so I could find a way to recalibrate my clumsy efforts to be a bit more intimate with him and maybe keep myself from stressing out about this so much. This shouldn’t be this HARD, for God’s sakes! It’s not like I’m dropping to my knees and asking him to drop his pants so I can suck him off on the front lawn, for crying out loud!

Arrrggghhh...and now I’m getting a boner! What a stupid thing to think about right here in front of everybody in Chicago!

“You ok?” Parker asked me, seeing the sweat beading up on my forehead as I attempted to fight a rather determined erection while walking ‘normally’ at the same time. Not an easy task believe me.

“I’m ok. I swear.” I said. “Are you ok?” Good idea. Get the focus off of me. That could help buy myself some time until I’m able to get myself together.

“I’m nervous too, ya know?” He grinned. “We’re just coming out here to have a good time. That’s all. So relax. I doubt that I could find anything disappointing about you if I tried. I just like spending time with you. K?”

I sighed out loud, “How is it that you always know exactly what to say and how to say it?”

“I wish I could claim that it was tons of ‘practice’...but that wouldn’t be the truth. Hehehe!” He said. “I guess...whatever it is that’s scaring me right now about all this...it’s nowhere near being stronger than my need to keep you close. So...I’m basically just picking the best of two options.” Then he lightly nudged me with his elbow as we approached the Pier. “Maybe you can join me in being terribly afraid and hopelessly awkward at the same time?”

“I do. I put it exactly like that.” He replied, and this time he offered me his hand first, giving me a moment of breathless permission to take a hold of it as we began our stroll out to the end.

You know, when you’re brand new to this kind of thing...it comes with an unreasonable amount of unwarranted paranoia. You really do feel like everybody can see you. Everybody is deliberately watching you. Whispering behind your back, laughing at your affection, judging your life choices. It’s not always something that you can help, but you have to find a way to get used to it, and eventually let it go. To be honest, out of all the people flooding the Pier that day, I don’t think anybody even really noticed. Then again, it would be a bit of an ego trip to even think that we’d be the most exciting thing to watch here.

Don’t worry...I’m relaxing. I really am. I’m super comfortable with being gay, just...not in front of other people so much. At least not yet. But if I can find the courage to figure it all out...I have no doubt that Parker will be more than worth it. No doubt at all.

There was music playing on the speakers overhead, laughter from kids and adults having a good time, and the sound of some of the large boats at the dock firing up for one of their many tours through the city. And the almost erotic fragrance of hot, freshly made, popcorn was wafting through the air like it could lift you off of your feet and pull you directly towards one of the vendors with just a whiff or two. Oh man….it was Heaven.

“Dude, I was JUST thinking the exact same thing.” I said. “You are, seriously, a dream come true, Parker. You know that?”

“Well...not YET! But I’ll be sure to wish upon every falling star that I see from now until then.” I grinned.

“Me too.” He blushed. He walked us over to the dock and got us some warm popcorn and made sure that I was able to reach in and get the first handful before he got his. Mmmmm...sooooo good! You have no idea! Navy Pier popcorn just melts in your mouth, you know? Then we continued walking out towards the Ferris Wheel and the park area, still holding hands, and I can’t even explain how complete I felt at that very moment. Do I really have a boyfriend right now??? Sorry, this is just too insane for me to really grasp right away. I’m still trying to wrap my head around this.

“Omigod, thank you!” I said, my mouth full as I crunched and munched on my brand new treat. It seemed to really brighten his day to see me enjoying myself, even if I had to let go of his hand to do so.

“Can’t come to Navy Pier and not get popcorn. That’s just blasphemous.” He giggled. “You know, now that I think about it, we probably should have come a little bit later on in the evening, you know...after sunset. It would have completed the whole “GFD” mood, I think.”

Giving him a sideways look, I smirked and said, “Are you making me a part of your weird Taryn/Trevor fanfic right now?”

“Hehehe, Kevin!” He laughed. “That was a ONE time piece of smut that I wrote out for an online site, and I got it out of my system, and I’m done with it. I told you...it just sorta happened.”

“Sure.” I grinned back at him. “Taryn would be so hurt. You’re destroying the whole mythology, you know? Shame on you.”

“Taryn can have him back when Trevor’s through. That’s fair enough. He’ll still be a virgin the next day. Hehehe!” Parker tried to defend himself, but I wasn’t buying it. Not for a moment. I suppose everybody has their Trevor kink in some form or another.

“Hiiii!” Came a voice from over by the Pier’s railing. We turned to see a small flock of girls that were maybe a year or two younger than we were, giggling madly at us as one of them practically skipped over to approach us. “I’m Ally. Hi!” She said.

A little strange, but I managed to say, “Hello?” Not quite sure to make out of this whole thing, since I didn’t know any of the girls by the ledge, and I don’t think that Parker has been here in this part of town to really know them either.

“These are my besties! That’s Anna, and Morgan, and Briana...and over there by the speaker is Jessica.” Ally said, and then she moved in even closer. “Do you guys mind if I ask you a personal question?”

Parker and I traded a quick glance with one another, and then he said, “Yeah. I...I guess.”

“Awesome!” She said, a little dip in her knees as her other friends hurried over to crowd up next to us and listen as well. “Are you guys, like...and don’t take offense...but we wanted to know if maybe you guys were ummm...’together’.”

And that’s when I remembered that Parker was clearly wearing a ‘Gone From Daylight’ T-shirt at that moment, and it all made sense. Ally proudly pointed to her own ‘GFD’ shirt, and it looked like the rest of her squad had some kind of vampire merch on their wrists, ankles, backpacks, or somewhere else so it could be visible to everyone passing by. “Yeah...like, that would be like such a major ‘WOW’ if you two guys were, like...dating or something.”

Ally and her friends were so excited that they were practically bouncing on the heels of their feet, and Parker turned to me, causing my blush to return with a fury as he asked, “What do you think, Kevin? Are we...’together’?”

I think I understood in that moment what he was talking about. You know...with my love for him being stronger than the fear that it would cause me to deny it. So Licked my fingers clean of the buttery mess that the popcorn had made, and then I used a napkin to wipe them off afterward….because...saliva fingers. Ewww! And I firmly took the initiative to grab a hold of Parker’s hand in mine...and this time, I went the extra mile and gave him a sweet lingering kiss on the cheek, causing him to shiver all over, a hint of shock causing his jaw to drop. Hehehe! Yep! Gotchya!

The girls squealed with delight! Maybe a little bit louder than either one of us expected them to. But it was actually kind of cool to have them get so excited over seeing an actual gay teen couple on Navy Pier after being such a huge fan of the books and movies for so long. What can I say? It made me proud.

“You two are sooooo adorable!!!” Her friend Briana said, and they all began taking out their cell phones to take pictures of us together. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside when Parker put his arm over my shoulder, and delivered a kiss of his own to my cheek while they snapped away.

“Wait! Let me get in on this one!” Jessica said, jumping forward to squeeze in between us so she could be in the pictures.

“Nah, we traveled all the way from Toronto so we could see this place with our own eyes for the first time. We’ve only made it halfway up the Pier, and we’re already overwhelmed.” Ally said, and then her eyes got SUPER wide as she gasped and said, “OMIGOD!!!! Are you guys going all the way out to the anchor??? Can we go with you? Please please pleeeease? We have to get pictures of you guys by the anchor!!! Oh wow, that would be so cute!!!”

Again, Parker and I looked at each other again, and we shared a loving smile between one another. “Shall we?” He asked.

Followed by our female fans simultaneously melting as the whined, “Awwwwwww...” In unison.

Alright then...to the anchor we go. Hehehe! Maybe they’ll help me appreciate this whole dating thing more than I was before. Thanks, ladies. I seriously needed the assist on this one.