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I’d be lying if I said that it was an easy task to fall asleep and actually stay asleep last night. I mean, a part of it came from the idea of going to this big “GFD” event where a couple of my new favorite actors and Hollywood’s newest teen heartthrobs would be in attendance and signing autographs...but I think that most of my anticipation and anxiety came from just getting to spend some more time with Parker again. I just...ugh…! There’s such an unfathomable level of ‘wow’ for me when it comes to him, you know? It’s really hard for me to put the feeling into words that anybody else could ever hope to understand, but I could feel it surging through me, every minute of my waking life. And sometimes when I’m asleep too.
It seemed like such an impossible task before now...finding someone special to share my heart with. To shower with all of the love that I had to give. Much less one of the cutest boys that I’ve ever been lucky enough to cross my vision. And now I’m waking up in my bed, stretching out, and thinking about what I was going to wear in order to somehow impress him. Get him to smile, and maybe think about me the same way that I think about him.
It was a different form of infatuation than anything that I’ve ever known before. I mean, I’ve been totally captivated by cute boys before, and thought it would be like to strip them naked and have them all to myself. I mean, we all do that with the attractive people that catch our eye, don’t we? At least for a little bit. Sexual cravings is just a part of who we are sometimes, I guess. Or am I the only one?
But that’s just the ‘take’ part of the equation. It’s all about what I want and what I can get out of it. My thoughts and deepest emotions involving Parker were different. I wanted to actually give him something. I wanted to work some level of magic that would make him happy. Something that would get him to smile. I LIVE for that boy’s smile. And I don’t require him to reciprocate or give me anything back in any way at all. I just want to keep giving until he’s as happy as he possibly could be….and then maybe give him a little bit more.
This is who I am now. And I have Parker to thank for that. So, like...thanks, Parker. For making me a better man.
I jumped in the shower and scrubbed myself down until I was squeaky clean. Sweet smelling bath gel and everything. And I did my best to get my hair fixed as perfectly as I could, teasing it in the misted over bathroom mirror while standing there completely naked...letting myself sort of air dry for a bit before getting my bathrobe and some undies on. Then I went back into my room and started scrolling through the clothes in my closet to pick out the “GFD” outfits that I thought might best suit me when I went out. I had a bunch to choose from, as Gary probably made a fortune off of my personal fanboy business alone. But after narrowing it down to three shirts, I chose something that was kind of minimalist. It shows my love for the series, but it wasn’t too flashy, like, ‘look at me’...you know? I don’t know, maybe I was putting too much thought into this. Whatever. I just needed to know that I was looking and smelling awesome when I went out there. That was my biggest concern for the day.
Also, I went to my memorabilia shelves to see if I could maybe bring something along with me to have Julian Clarke and Adam Turner autograph it for me! Omigod, the more I think about it...the more it excites me! They are soooo cute! And even cuter when they’re together! Can you imagine what it would be like if they were gay in real life? And a couple? Wow...that’s too hot for me to even think about without burning my fingertips. Hehehe! But, whatever. A boy can dream, can’t he?
I got dressed and all prettied up, going downstairs where my mom had a sweet breakfast waiting for me. I know the girls were planning to meet us out front today pretty early, but I made sure to call Parker up anyway. I could have just texted him the plans, I know...but I really wanted to hear his voice, you know? I was thirsty for it. So when he answered his phone and we started making plans to get together, just me and him, before we met up with the other girls for the day...I found myself swooning and starry eyed in a dreamy state of mind that refused to release it’s firm hold on my heart. I swear...the things that boy does to me is unprecedented by any engagement that I’ve ever experienced before. It’s so WEIRD...but in a good way, you know?
Again...I’m still trying to find a way to put it all into words. This whole ‘boyfriend’ thing is brand new to me too...so give me a chance to fully understand it. K?
Ok...should I have the actors sign my t-shirt? That would be cool, but I’d never be able to wash it again for fear that the autograph would fade or wash out completely. Either that, or I simply wouldn’t be able to ever wear it again. What would be the point of that? I wanna show it off. Who wouldn’t?
I could have them sign a poster or something for me...but I’d go into a full blown murderous rage if anything were to ever happen to it. I’d end up doing life in prison over having somebody so much as fold a crease in the corner of it. Screw that.
I had trinkets, toys, bobbleheads, comic books, and “Gone From Daylight” Blu Ray with digital download and behind the scenes footage and exclusive director and cast commentary...but I treasured it all so much that I was kind of scared to take it that far out of the house. These were all things that had become extremely sacred to me at this point. I can’t lose them or have them get damaged in any way. And yet...I’ve got to get SOME sort of permanent memento of the whole experience, right?
And then I happened to look over on my bookshelf, and I saw the actual hardcover copy of “Gone From Daylight” that I ran out and bought the first day that it was released. Even before the first movie came out. How awesome would it be to have Adam Turner and Julian Clarke sign my very first copy of the book. Everybody else is on the ebook kick nowadays. This might be a novelty worth paying attention to. Hehehe, maybe Julian will be impressed or something, and slip me his number after signing autographs.
I mean...not that I was going to give up my number one sweetheart for a celebrity crush...hehehe, but it was kind of fun to think that it was even an option.
WHAT?!? I’m a big geek! Sue me!
I think I checked myself out in the mirror a hundred times before even beginning to build up the courage to leave the house. I had this anxiety crawling up under my skin that kept telling me that I was going to forget something important, or that I’d screw up somehow if I didn’t properly prepare myself. The only thing that got me moving was a quick text from Parker saying, “Leaving the house now. See you there!” And it was ended with the cutest little heart eyed emoji at the end. He’s such a sweetheart. He really is.
As I was putting my shoes on, my mom said, “Aren’t you going to be late for your ‘Call To The Darkness’ event?”
“It’s ‘Gone From Daylight’, Mom! Geez, how hard is it to remember this?” I said with a huff of frustration, showing her the title on my t-shirt. “It’s not like it isn’t one of my favorite things ever, or anything.”
“Ok, ok...no need to get cranky.” She answered. “Are you sure that you don’t need a ride or anything? Or you could call if you need me to pick you up afterward...”
“I’ll be fine.” I said abruptly, and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you when I get back. K?”
It’s a weird balance that I feel I have to keep with my mom. I mean, I’m pretty sure that the fact that I’m gay isn’t lost on her. She knows. And I know that she knows. So far, it’s never been an issue. If anything, it’s become much more obvious since the first ‘Gone From Daylight’ and ‘Taryn’s Song’ movies came out. Not to mention my overly obsessive fanboy status concerning an obviously gay teen themed series. But I think she was just really happy to see me enjoy something that represented boys like me in a positive way and shined a light on what it was like to feel the way that I feel, and make my love, hopes, and dreams, feel...’normal’. She saw the change in me. I saw the change in myself too, to be honest. But...even with my dark secret being out in the open in front of her...it wasn’t something that I felt comfortable talking about just yet. Especially now that I might have a potential boyfriend on my hands. It’s just awkward, you know?
Gay or straight...life doesn’t really prepare you for that kind of thing. It’s a nervous trial and error situation for all of us, I guess.
My mom wanted so badly to help and get involved with me going out to see my favorite idols today...but she made a valiant attempt to restrain herself as I just grabbed my backpack with my ‘GFD’ hardback book in it and a thin sharpie for people to sign with...just in case. I made sure that my phone was charged to 100%, and then I checked my hair one last time to make sure that I couldn’t get it to look just a little bit better...and then I left to get on public transportation and meet my dream boy so that we could enjoy our ‘Day-Hard’ status together in a major way.
Omigod...and there’s gonna be a full length trailer for the movie at the gathering, isn’t there? I was kind of tempted to check the website to see if maybe they had published it early, but then I resisted. Then I was tempted again. Then I tried to fight it off. But...arrrgh, ok...I just want to see if it’s THERE! I won’t watch it! Promise! I looked up the website, and thankfully...there was just an announcement for the new trailer, and a countdown timer for when it would officially be released. I’m glad. Hehehe, because I totally would have watched it ten times before getting to the AMC theater!
Impatience aside...it would probably be better to share the moment with Parker anyway. I mean, that’s what today is all about, isn’t it? Showing some love over the one thing that brought us together to begin with. I think this will be so fuckin’ cool!
It felt like it was taking forever to get downtown Chicago, but when I finally made it to our meet up point, Parker was already out there, wearing his super cute ‘GFD’ t-shirt and waiting for me to show up. He even had some sparkly glitter type of gel in his blond hair for the occasion. He always outdoes me on the whole fanboy thing. I seriously need to step my game up if I ever hope to compete. Hehehe!
God, he’s stunning. Look at him. He’s breathtaking.
“Hey...” He said, cautious about giving me an open hug in public. An expression that I didn’t resist at all.
“Sup?” I said, trying to sound as casual as I possibly could. “Cool shirt. And what you did with your hair and all.” I blushed.
“You like it? Sweet. I was worried that it might be too much.” He said, lightly playing with it with his fingers.
“Not at all. I think it’s just...perfect.” I smiled. “Just like everything else about you, Parker. Perfect.”
He gave me a flirtatious grin. “Kevin...” He giggled. But he then reached out for my hand, and I held it proudly as we began walking towards the AMC theater where the big signing was taking place. Who wouldn’t be jazzed up to be seen with the prettiest boy in town? “You think Adam Turner will like it? I did it all for him, you know?” He teased.
“Fuck off! Hahaha!” I said.
“What? I was hoping to take him home with me today. I arrivd in a bus, but I might get to go home in a limo.” He smirked.
“I know what you’re doing, and it’s not going to work. So there.”
“C’mon now...you’re my favorite boy ever. You know I go blind when it comes to other cute boys out there.” He said, leaning in to give me a quick peck on the cheek. “BUT….Adam Turner is really REALLY cute though! Just saying!”
“Dude...stop.”
“He is though. It’s not like I didn’t notice.” He gently gave me a playful bump of his shoulder. “Come on. The girls will be waiting for us to get to the theater. They’re probably there already.”
“I’m ready to go.” I said. “I brought my first edition ‘GFD’ book for them to sign. I thought that might be kinda cool.”
“UGH!!! Why didn’t I think of that???” He grimaced. “I brought a movie poster though, and my ‘Justin’ action figure. Still in the box. Mint condition.” He reached in his own backpack to show me the action figure, blond hair and shining gold eyes and all. “If I can get him to sign this, personally, I swear I’m gonna freak out, dude! It’ll make this priceless!”
“Damn good idea!” I said. “Plus the value of it will instantly skyrocket.”
“Are you kidding me? I’m NEVER selling this! There’s no price tag on the emotional value of having Adam Turner touch the marker that touched this package. I’m gonna be buried with this thing if I can be.”
“I totally get it.” I said. “Best of luck, then.”
“Still...I should have brought my physical book series with me. That would have been awesome too.”
“Yeah. Having their signatures on any one of them would be like...magic to me, you know? It would mean a lot to me. Just having them know that I appreciated them participating in a movie like this. A lot of actors wouldn’t take the chance, you know? Especially when they’re under eighteen years old. I can’t wait to see what they plan to do with the next few installments of ‘Gone From Daylight’, and how they’ll approach...you know...the naughty stuff.”
“Hehehe, I’m sure they’ll cut all of that out in the finished product. But I wonder if they’ll keep a lot of the other stuff, or if the studio will change it to make it more marketable. That’s my biggest concern. Gay teen material...they act like it has to be handled so delicately for fear of being ‘canceled’ for it. You know?”
“Well, I guess we’ll get an idea of it when the new trailer debuts today.” I said.
“Omigod! Did you see it already? I went to the website, and all I got was a countdown timer!”
“Me too! I couldn’t see anything!” I gasped, knowing that Parker and I were in sync with one another again. Just like always.
“It’s so not fair that they can tease us like this for so long. We’re ‘Day-Hards’, dammit! Give us SOMETHING to hold us over for the next few hours.”
“I KNOW, right???” I giggled. “It’s EXTREMELY unfair that some people get to see it before we see it! What the hell?”
“Wait, I think those are the girls over there in the line...” Parker said, and they squealed to themselves, excitedly waving us over to come join them as we approached.
Looking around, I noticed that there was actually a decent amount of cosplay going on around us. A lot of ‘GFD’ merchandise was on full display. T-shirts mostly, but also some golden eye contact lenses and hair dye. I saw a few girls dressed up in some kick ass punk designs to be Rain, and some boys with rainbow colored hair for their Gyro costume. A few were dressed all in black with a ‘Comicality’ mask, and there was one guy with a black lab coat to be ‘Jeremy’, holding two stuffed puppies with him as Torsten and Grim. I have to admit that I was kind of blown away by some of the thought that went into a lot of their outfits and costumes. Imagine putting that much time and effort into something like that. But...more than that, it made me wonder how many of these cute teen boys were actually gay like me. Or at least ‘gay tolerant’. I mean, if anybody had asked me, before, how many gay teen boys were in my area...I doubted that I’d be able to count them on more than one hand. I’ve been led to believe that it was weird and abnormal for so long...that it seemed like a monumental task to gather a crowd of this size on such short notice to show their pride and support for a movie with this kind of content attached to it. I can’t believe that Parker and I can hold hands out in public and everybody is just ‘ok’ with it. I’d like to say that it was a comfortable feeling...but it was such a foreign concept to me that I couldn’t really relax and enjoy the freedom from the judgement that I was sure would come with it. Instead, it was just a bunch of like-minded fans...having fun and enjoying themselves. You know...just being who they are and not having to explain or excuse it when it came to people who had this crippling need to label and approve, discredit, or condemn, every act of human behavior as though they were entitled enough to be given the task of doing so.
How many boys like me and Parker have to suffer in silence because of these assholes. Go get a hobby for Christ’s sake!
“YES!!! You guys came!” Ally shouted out, and we all got ourselves some tickets to go in and see what was going on. “Jessica is already inside, and I hear that she’s kicking ass on the ‘GFD’ arcade game! We need to get in there and watch her work.”
Anna, Brianna, and Morgan, were dressed up as well, and they all moved in to give both me and Parker a few loving hugs. With Brianna saying, “Oh gosh...you two are SO cute together! Seriously.” Making me blush profusely. Something that Parker mimicked immediately.
“Come on. Things are gonna be kicking off soon! I want a decent spot!” Ally said.
“Lead the way.” I told her, and Parker and I smiled at one another.
“You guys are going to love this! You’ll see!” She beamed. “Then again, you’re Chi-Town natives. So maybe this is just a random Tuesday to you guys. But to us...this is CRAZY! Hehehe! They’re really gonna be here! Like, in the flesh! I’m SO nervous!”
Parker and I giggled at her enthusiasm. But we could definitely understand it. Chi-Town native or not, we get starstruck too. And I don’t even know what I’ll be feeling when I get to see my teen heartthrobs, face to face, for the first time.
I just want to see what this whole thing is all about. And be around people who love ‘Gone From Daylight’ as much as I do. It’ll just be cool to be in good company, you know?
Parker gave me a little kiss on the cheek, and I felt really self conscious about it at first...but then I looked around at all of the boy/boy couples waiting in line, and I have to say that I’ve never been more proud.
Wow...is this what life feels like for straight people? No wonder they don’t want to share this feeling with the rest of us!
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