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Thursday, May 09, 2024 13:01:32 CST [ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4, [5], 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 ]
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Date Posted: 18:05:50 04/09/22 Sat
Author: Cirrus
Subject: 2019: Part 6
In reply to: Cirrus 's message, ""Dear Ronan" (Complete Story)" on 18:14:44 04/07/22 Thu

Part Two: 2019

Dear Ronan,

Left you onna bit of a cliff-hanger didn’t I? If I had actually sent those letters you woulda given me a right rarking. “Well? What happened next? Don’t leave us in the dark mate.”

And I meant to keep going, honest I did. It’s not like I had nowt to tell you. Opposite problem in face - TOO much happened. I’d sit down at the keyboard, ready to type away and I’d realise how much I would have to catch you up on. And the letter I felt I owed you got longer and longer. It felt like a bleeding mountain, it did, and it just got easier and easier to put off till I realised I hadn’t written anything in years. I used to read a bunch of blogs by other gay teenagers and so many of them just…. Stopped. The author disappeared, and you never knew what happened to them.

And this is really hard to admit… I started to forget about you. Oh I was still obsessed for months after the previous letter. Me and George both. We bought the album! Both of us! But I guess it didn’t catch on. You’d crop up here and there and then sort of fade into the background as some new musical prodigy grabbed the spotlight. I hadn’t thought about you in ages. And then I saw it.

You came out. Like really, honestly, completely, officially, magazine-interview-and-everything came out.

All that waiting, and I wasn’t even there when it happened. Me and George only found out about it months later. Had a good laugh about that given how star-struck we were back then.

I’m just gonna say it: Least surprising coming out in the history of teenage pop stars.

But seeing the news got me thinking again. About you. About my old letters. About me and George getting together. And how your coming out seemed like an ending, or a resolution, or summat to all that speculation.

And I remembered how I hate dangling plot threads and unfinished business and things that aren’t wrapped up tidily. George made me watch “Lost” on DVD and the series damn near did me head in with its reckless disregard for actually answering any of the bleeding questions they raised. (Don’t get me started on the ending, I can rant for days).

I decided right then and there that this story needs a conclusion. Maybe not the ending I planned to write, but the one that finishes the story. And well… I’ll still be faster than George RR Martin and Patrick Rothfuss. (Two further recommendations from George that I’ll never forgive him for. I swear they have some kind of secret bet on who finishes their next book the slowest).

So here are all the things I meant to write to you about, but never got round to. The days following the last letter. Me doing this nervous dance around George, unsure if he felt the same way about me that I did about him. And that moment by the tree on the edge of school, when he kissed me and confirmed he did.

(Aside here: I dunno if you’ve ever experienced that moment when the person you are super, super, super into indicates they are just as into you, and it’s like the floodgates of I can’t even begin to describe washing over you, but if you haven’t I hope you do. Because it’s the best feeling. The absolute best).

But making out comes close. After that kiss by the tree, we made out A LOT. No, really A LOT.

In between the making out there was still school (meh), and kayaking, which actually just got better and better. Me and George got put on a two person team and we got third place in our very first race which was like, amazing. And then they took us to the water park where they had the actual kayaking in the actual freaking Olympics, and I can’t believe that the first time we got to try white water kayaking was the same place where Olympians paddle. Me parents were a bit puzzled by it all. Me da only seems to have the vaguest idea that sports outside of football exist.

I thought kayaking at Lee Valley was brill, but then they took us to Wales for a week and we got to kayak on real rivers. That was awesome, but not even the best part of the trip. (Warning: Too Much Information probably coming but yer like 18 or 19 or summat now, so I reckon you can probably tolerate a little “adult content”). Cause we were tenting see? And me and George shared a tent the whole trip.

That first night in the tent was the first time we saw each. You know. Down there. And the first time we touched each other’s… you know. And the first time we had to figure out how to clean up the mess. George squirted A LOT. We figured out how to avoid a mess the next night. (I’m just gonna say it - the taste was weird).

We tried other things too. The first attempts were a bit of failure. George looked up some tips on his phone, and managed to sneakily purchase some lube at a shop stop the next day. I think mebbe we overcompensated a little? I think we’d used like half the bottle. But the end result was worth it!

You might think from that point on it was all plain sailing. But we were teenagers, so either I’d do something stupid (frequently) or he’d do something stupid (a few times) and we’d break up and hate on each other, and one or both of us would be miserable until we made up and got back together. The times when George was with someone else on our breaks were the worst. I can’t begin to describe how jealous and frustrated I was.

By the sixth form we were still together despite all that, and now we were the senior members of the kayaking team (yeah; we were still doing that too). That’s how we ended up in a tent with a third former called Jimmy Fisher. And our first threesome. Jimmy turned out to be a real horndog. We’ve had a few more times with him since… and heard about many many more of his exploits. I think he might have slept with half the school by the time we left.

I surprised myself with my final exams. Got good enough grades to get to university. Not one of the posh ones like Oxford or Cambridge or the like, but dead respectable. Me parents were well proud of that. No one in our family has been the going-to-university type. The best part is that George and me are going to the same place. We’ve got a little flat together in a building full of students. Jimmy drops by every now and then to tell us his stories and have a little naked fun.

I came out to my parents too. They were well confused. Kept asking if I was going to wear women’s clothes and telling me I didna look like “one of the gays”. But they told me they loved me, and they liked George to bits because he’s always been a “good influence” on me so I think they decided that mebbe it was gonna work out alright?

I dunno what the future’s gonna bring. But when I sit back and think about it, I’m well happy now. And that seems like a good place to be. And I owe a lot to you, even though you didn’t know it. Cause you helped me get through a challenging period when I was wrestling with a lot of stuff. I read the part of the interview where you said you’d kind of always known and I was dead jealous of that because there are times when I still think I’m figuring it out.

It’s been eight years since I started writing these letters. Reading them has been cool reminder of what I was thinking back then. I really wish I hadn’t stopped. Back when I started I never REALLY intended to ever send them to you. But you know? We’re both in different places than we were then. I did me some sleuthing on the internet and I found an email address. It’s probably guarded jealously by a publicist or your mother. But I think I’m going to do it anyway. I think I’m going to hit S E N D….

Finally saying hello by saying goodbye,
Alex

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