Re: I want to die now~~ -- bme forum

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Subject: Re: I want to die now~~

Author:
Crystal

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Date Posted: 00:25:30 09/11/04 Sat
In reply to: pat 's message, "Re: I want to die now~~" on 07:42:47 02/04/04 Wed

>>There is nothing to live for. I want to die but I'm
>even too chicken to do it. I tried to die in a car
>crash but I didn't even get hurt bad. I hate my life,
>Help me die

Try Living my life for one second. Everything has gone to shit. I have know one to talk to Konwone who cares and if I could just die I would. Try haveing to be happy everyday, putting on smiles and playing games. I cant have my daughter see me cry but the lying daily is getting to hard. every night I go in the bath and cry. I cry for hours on end i had a husband I had a family I had a life. And its gone Know I have to be the strong one. Thats bullshit I dont want to be the strong one I just want to fade away. But I cant I hate prtending I hate being something I am not I wish I had my life the way it was

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[> [> Subject: Re: I want to die now~~

Author:
Andrew
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Date Posted: 08:58:13 09/12/04 Sun

Truth is, I think about killing myself all the time, every day. I'm 44, and I'm miserable. I've had so many years of therapy, 12 step programs, medications, hospitals...nothing has helped, I'm still miserable almost all the time. The only reason I haven't done it yet is that there's something burning inside me saying that there has GOT to be something more, something I can get to if I just don't quit. Honestly, that light is getting dimmer, much dimmer. I'm ok for today, but tomorrow is always in question.

It's a seperate kind of hell, to be suicidally ideated. Most people don't understand, can't understand. Maybe they weren't molested, raped, beaten, teased, whatever...or maybe they were but were just able to handle it better than I do. All I know is that this isn't a life, to be hating yourself and every minute of the day wanting it to just end. I'm exhausted...