Thank You Once Again -- Welcome to the II Chatboard

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Subject: Thank You Once Again

Author:
dave

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Date Posted: 11:08:11 02/13/05 Sun
In reply to: Nicole 's message, "A few thoughts...." on 10:19:27 02/13/05 Sun

Nicole, I always get a lot out of your reflections of me. It's like you see me from an angle that I can only glimpse with the help of two mirrors. Especially since I've been in law school, my logical mind is developed way out of proportion to the rest of my being. It's kinda like someone who exercises only the same muscle every day and has the body of a 98 pound weakling and a bicep like Popeye after he eats spinach. I'm aware of my tendencies and on Friday I made a conscious effort to steer myself into my body and my experience and out of my mind. It's not that I didn't experience anything, it's that what I did experience wasn't intense or unusual and it didn't match the moans and wails and facial expressions that I was seeing around me and it didn't really rise and fall with the energy of Allyson's orgasm. At some point, I did just give up and allow my critical mind to just run buck wild and it started to want to come up with explanations to defend me from feeling like something was wrong with me for not feeling what these people were feeling. Last night I bumped into someone from the group who offered me their frame which was - "I didn't feel shit". I think if anyone would have shared something like that on Friday I wouldn't have felt so alone and my mind wouldn't have had to work so hard to criticize the situation and defend myself. Maybe, I should have offered it up myself but I didn't feel like drawing attention to myself around it. One thing I am continually thankful for lately is that even when I don't enjoy something or get exactly what I was hoping for, it can still turn out to be a precious opportunity to learn and discover more about myself and how I work. I think this is one of those occasions.

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
More	Nic ole	12:26:06 02/13/05 Sun

for the love of creations unique expressions <mine and yours>	laura roc	13:58:30 02/13/05 Sun
justice -- laura rock, 22:01:38 02/13/05 Sun
Some additional comments	DJ	17:58:39 02/13/05 Sun