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Subject: Reflections on your thoughts

Author:
DJ

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Date Posted: 16:03:20 02/13/05 Sun
In reply to: dave 's message, "I want to share some honesty" on 23:18:36 02/12/05 Sat

I wouldn't worry too much about your skepticism on the genuineness of others experience or the feeling you couldn't participate in it. It would be remarkable if everyone in that room expunged all doubt and fear to arrive at exactly the same mental, emotional and spiritual state. I suspect there were others that felt the same as you at various times during the evening.

I left my first demo intrigued, challenged and highly skeptical. It took a lot of prodding to induce me to attend. It was my first course in this realm. All I could think of was what had come over me to seduce me to subject myself to this. Part of it was clearly peer pressure. Part of the motivation was curiosity. Another part was the desire to discover an aspect of life that had atrophied due to the demands of career.

I spent the whole day in that course terribly conflicted. Part of me wanted to bolt at the first opportunity. Another part kept telling me to suspend disbelief and be open to anything I could use to enrich my life. Yet, during the actual demo I felt a pervasive discomfort. I refused to go up and put my hand between the couple much to the consternation of the teachers. I didn't believe for a moment that I would feel anything. I wasn't about to go up there and fake it. I didn't beleive I could fake it. I was dismissive of the observations of others. I viewed them as comments from uncritical believers suffering from some shared delusion. I only agreed to go up and put my hand on the leg of the demonstrator because I could sense the expectations of the teachers and didn't want to offend them. I certainly didn't feel any surge of energy or union with the great cosmic orgasm. All I felt was the warm leg of a woman splayed out beneath me and the embarassament of standing in front of a room of people in such circumstances. When the course was over I was glad I mustered the courage to take it, but was even more relieved to be leaving.

It has been a journey since then. There have been times that I backed away form it because I remained skeptical and didn't believe I could reconcile the rest of my life with this view of life and sensuality. I felt pulled in different directions and couldn't straddle the fence. But I kept at it, if for no other reason than I knew it would be too easy to retreat to the familiar. Moreover, the possibility of elevating sensuality and intimacy to a new level, to having experiences and taking risks I never could have conjured before, kept beckoning me; even though at times what I thought I desired seemed to elude me like a chimera. I do not know where it will end, but I am glad it has gone this far.

I can tell you that I have been at demos after my first experience where I felt a shared arousal and connection that seemed to be greater than the sum of all of our individual experiences. I can remember one demo where I suddenly looked up and became aware that the whole room was swaying in unison to the strokes and the music. It was as if we were all a part of one organism. I have also had such experiences on dates, not with everyone to be sure. I cannot claim that I have felt exactly the same physical and emotional sensations they have felt; but I do know this, there were moments when my partner's arousal inspired my own until our mutual arousal seemed to carry us effortlessly. It was like two wave lengths in perfect harmony reinforcing each other to create an expression greater than the sum of the parts. I felt not only a sensual, but spiritual union with my partner. I feeling that lingered long after the date.

I was not present either during the demo or afterwards to hear the various comments. I had made a previous commitment that I honored. I did return just as the night was ending and the participants were leaving. I spoke with a number of them outside the building. Their after glow was palpable. There was no reason or motivation to fake their reactions with me. Most hardly knew me and I certainly could not exert any peer pressure on them. Their comments were spontaneous and reflected in their faces. At least as to these, I do not believe they were either unthinking converts or faking it.

As to the potential for manipulation, that can exist anywhere. I have certainly encountered it in my professional life. I have seen all too often in religion and politics. I have seen it in marriages and relationships. I don't think it can be avoided in any aspect of life where two or more people interact. It is always a concern in an aspect of life so emotionally laden and vulnerable as this. I can tell you I do not plan to become some glazed-eyed proselyte. I view this experience as an option to be explored according to each person's needs and desires. I will keep my distance from anyone who I sense is simply manipulating me. I do not doubt you will do the same. I do find it can be both a challenging and lovely option. I have no idea where it will take me in the end, and right now, I'm not too concerned.

So, I wish you well on your journey and I wouldn't be too concerned that you embark on it with a healthy sense of skepticism. I suspect you are not alone. By the way, anyone who enjoys an aquadance such as you described should certainly open to the possibilities. Your description intrigued me and made me want to experience it. Even if I had such an opportunity, I would still approach it with a dose of skepticism.

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
A quick appreciation	dave	17:21:05 02/13/05 Sun