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Subject: Reflections on Landing Home

Author:
Becca

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Date Posted: 09:35:17 07/05/04 Mon
In reply to: Kristen 's message, "the day after the caper.....until now.." on 17:59:39 07/04/04 Sun

so much excitment..... dinner parties, painting parties, buisness photo shoot parties! never a dull moment :)
i have spent my life preparing for this time of abundance with a family of friends and lovers creating new ways of living and sharing life together intimatly.
and after Fridays caper/unwinding i realize all of my many lives have led me to be here now.
today i am sad and teary, maybe it is overwhelm?
i saw my last partner with her newest girlfriend yesterday and the pain welled up inside me, but i played it cool, as i do so much. i feel i have lots of friends and playmates and yet i long for " the one "
it's not easy to be the only quer lesbian tom boy girl on the scene. always blazing a trail to new places!
last night laying in my bed crying i just wanted to be held so i could let go. i stoped myself from asking for this from my friend, right outside the door. am i embarresed, afraid i wont get to surrender fully to the love and nurturing i so desperatly want? is shame winning this game? if so i'd rather loose. loose my fear, my ego, my pride. loose every thread of dout that lives in me, lives off of me and weave a blanket of surrender to wrap my soul in
please help, the tiered wanderer

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
Surrender to...	allyson	12:41:25 07/05/04 Mon
yes,yes,yes -- becca, 15:21:12 07/05/04 Mon tonight -- Kristen, 22:56:07 07/05/04 Mon