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| Subject: First Glance & Pillow Talk | |
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Author: Carl |
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Date Posted: 14:14:21 07/26/04 Mon I wanted to run screaming from the room! Now that’s what I call a good class. I’m a cynic through and through, and skeptical of anything I can’t see and touch and smell. I’m especially skeptical of airy-fairy Californicated Marin County-style new-age self-help personal development mushy wishful-thinking. BUT, my experiences with the Insight Institute are starting to make a believer (in the Institute) out of me. The First Glance class was great, and the Pillow Talk class was even better. Thanks to some classmates who did me the honor of speaking the truth to me, I learned something about my style of communication. I learned that I have over-compensated and need to “dial it back” – pull back from my over-compensation and try to be my authentic self - - without reverting to my old “loser” persona. As a child and young adult I suffered tons of negative experiences because I was a quiet, shy, extremely polite “good boy”. In adolescence and young adulthood, when it came to girls and young women, I was one of those pitiable creatures known as a “nice guy” - - the boy scout / altar boy who is secretly in love with the smart, popular, cute girl in the class but who can’t begin to imagine how to let her know it. I finally came to realize that, very often, Leo Durocher was right – nice guys do finish last. In fact, I heard those exact words from more than one desireable young woman. I was not interested in – and incapable of – becoming the opposite of a “nice guy”, but I COULD at least shed (or cover up) my persona of a quiet, shy (around women), bookworm. So I gradually transformed myself from a little boy who was totally inarticulate when it came to anything remotely related to sex into into a big boy who speaks up loudly and often, saying what’s on his mind, stirring up the proceedings as much as possible, making sure that things keep moving along. (God forbid that we should waste a minute of class time with silence, waiting for someone else to speak up.) And, lo and behold, I’ve finally learned (thanks to the Insight Institute) that THAT doesn’t work either! I’m screwed! :>) No, actually, I’m growing. (I only WISH I was getting screwed . . . no, no, no, that’s exactly the kind of smart-alec remark that repulses some people . . . HELP!) . . . OK, I’ve adjusted my medication . . . I’m under control now . . . An observation about vocabulary: the Insight Institute continues to use the vocabulary used by More University – for instance “fucking”, “pussy” and “cock.” The reason I prefer the Sanskrit vocabulary of Tantra - - ”yoni” for the woman’s genitals, “ligam” for the man’s - - is that our English language words carry a lot of negative freight with them. “Fuck you” and “fuck off” are not positive statements. If a man calls another man a “pussy” it is not a compliment. The Sanskrit words carry spiritual freight with them - - they are tied up with heart and love. That seems preferable to a vocabulary tied up with hostility and aggression. When you combine the aggressive vocabulary with the somewhat clinical, impersonal attitude that goes with “Do-ing”, it feels to me like human sexuality is being de-humanized. Maybe Tantra goes too far toward the spiritual for some people. Maybe talking about “love”and “spirit” makes some people uncomfortable. But, for me, an approach to sex that uses a vocabulary also used to express hostility and aggression - - that approach leaves me conflicted. An approach that seems almost mechanical, that seems almost to deliberately avoid deep human connection - -well, I need to think about it. I guess you could think of it as assisted masturbation - - there’s certainly no LESS human connection than you get when you “date yourself” - - so what’s wrong with that? I don’t know. Maybe I just need more time to adjust to a new way of thinking. But I do know that I am still “in love with love.” Assisted masturbation feels great, but what I’m looking for is a deep human heart-to-heart connection. Being a bee flitting from flower to flower has its attractions, but the satisfaction of a committed relationship with another person with whom you share your life - - that satisfaction goes much deeper. And if you live 24 x 7 in a bee hive in the midst of a huge flower garden, how does that affect your ability to achieve that deeper soul-satisfying union that comes from real commitment? I think that improving my ability to communicate improves my chances of achieving that deep connection, so I’ll say it again - - First Glance and Pillow Talk were GREAT classes. [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] |
| Subject | Author | Date |
| Run screaming from the room | Carl | 08:10:50 07/27/04 Tue |
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