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| Subject: Yesterday's date... | |
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Author: kristen |
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Date Posted: 23:37:27 05/02/04 Sun Recently I had a date with Rob and he suggested that i ask my doers to spend less time on my pussy and more time on the rest of my body. That he could feel a lot of emotion wanting to come out and that i could just practice asking for what i really wanted even if it was just to be held or to have a hand on my heart of my third eye or my hip bones. I told him, that is exactly what i had been wanting but i hadn’t been saying it to Josh or george and then i would get angry at them for going straight to my clit and not being conscious enough to really feel me. I made it mean that they didn’t have enough attention on me and therefore they weren’t good enough and then, i must not be good enough because i am making out with these guys who don’t GET IT. The whole thing has been really tiring. Yesterday I had a new experience in my date with george. I followed my desire. G was doing me and it was fun and then i started to drift so i knew he was too and i didn’t want to say it but i just went for it and said when you touch my clit i feel angry and i dont want you to touch it anymore. He looked up and said to me, oh, well thanks, i just want to give you what you want. Tell me what do you want? I asked him to hold my heart. And we moved through the well of emotions I was holding, it was yesterday right before the last exercise in the course. I had been so pent up and angry all day and when i finally asked G for the date and then asked him to stop playing with my pussy and just put his hand on my heart, we started coming like i have never before, the heavy weight i felt in side (it had been feeling like i needed to release a baby out of me!) just became raw energy and felt as it released very gentle and soft. It just poured out of me and G laid on top of me and was having his own contractions over and over his body just shaking as mine shook and we were totally silent. We were so connected. It was really beautiful. I realized that i had a idea about what KIND of energy was blocked inside me and i had an idea about a particular shape and size it was and even what it meant about me and my past and my future! And i had a story about how it would be to release it, that it would be painful or dramatic or i would be loud, screaming and being embarrassed. And the release was like a humble, selfless, flowing letting go experience of union with another being. It was huge learning experience for me. G & I acknowledged that we each felt totally free and we didn’t have any judgements and we were just there with each other, feeling each other. We were totally out of our own way, a total contrast from the time a few weeks ago when I was all judgements. And funny since that date of judgements I have been avoiding G. I said maybe we had such a great date because all my judgements came up last time so now we have a clean channel. We laughed because we were late for the last exercise up stairs. We ran up and joined everyone. Smiling to eachother… [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] |
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