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Date Posted: 11:07:01 01/20/07 Sat
Author: Mikki
Author Host/IP: 24-180-81-45.dhcp.bycy.mi.charter.com / 24.180.81.45
Subject: Saying goodbye is so hard..........(long)

No....I'm not saying goodbye here....I'm talking about my doctor. I saw him last Monday, and no lawsuit papers had been filed yet (I'd only seen the lawyer the previous Friday), when I walked into the room, the therapeutic relationship had definitely changed. He was very cold, and I had just gotten done with a therapy appointment that upset me, I was upset in his office too. I told him about the horrible anxiety I was having, the PTSD symptoms and I was having trouble staying focused at work. He silently typed on his computer, handed me a prescription for all my meds plus Klonopin and refills. He did manage to explain the klonopin to me, and said I'll see you in 8 weeks.

8 weeks something will have been filed...at least a notice to sue. My attorney wants me to keep going there as long as he lets me. In order to terminate in the mental health professions, the provider has to give a 30 day termination letter. I can be seen in those 30 days, so the doc doesn't leave you hanging with no meds. I will have already been to UM, and I certainly can get my meds there so I have no worries. But I have to keep going back there until I get that letter. Once I get that letter, my attorney can use it as proof of retaliation against me..."See Ms. Reed stands up for what was wrong in that unit, and she gets punished by losing her doctor". It's gonna piss off my doctor because that drags him into it. He is already dragged into it, and I think he saw that recipient rights report and he knows he's up to his eyeballs in it. Thus treating me subhuman last Monday.

Jim, my therapist is really cool. He worked at PHH for 12 years in the mental health unit, and he tells me exactly what goes on there. (He is jaded....I don't know if he was fired from there, or left because he was pissed off), but he tells me everything. Who is gonna call, who is going to try to get me to admit things..etc. He also told me that I will not like the Dr. Saeed I see when he gets pulled into a lawsuit. He also told me that DR. Saeed comes off as a kind, gentle, compassionate doctor, but really, after you leave he could give a rats ass about you. If I had any doubts about leaving my doctor......I don't now.

I don't like game playing, and that is what I am doing by continuing to go back there to force the letter. I'm going to play dumb.....keep telling him about my PTSD so it's in my chart when he gets supoenaed. I can sit there silently too just to get my meds. I can be the bug up his ass if I have to be. I'm not leaving without the letter.

This all just reminds me of losing the therapist. To lose a therapist and a doctor all in one year makes it hard to trust anyone in the mental health field. I'm hoping that UM will do things differently. I don't want to get attached to my doctors anymore. I just want to tell my story, get my meds, and see ya next month. My problem, especially with DR. K, was we got emeshed in each others lives for 10 years. I wasn't nearly as attached to Dr. Saeed as I was Dr.K, but still, when the man would hold your hand when you are doing ECT, return calls within an hour when I was in a crisis, tell me he would call the police if I didn't appear at the hospital in an hour...be willing to try meds that I wanted to try, makes you think that your doctor is on your side. To find out he doesn't give a shit...hurts.

So Feb 26th I go back......13 days after UM. Someone is going to call for my records, and I am going to explain to UM that I need that termination letter before he finds out I have a new doctor. So let the games begin.

I've got at least 2 years worth of this before its over. My only hope is PHH is going to want to settle out of court rather than drag it through Federal Court in Detroit. Once it's in federal court, it becomes part of the fEderal register, for all lawyers to see and use as precedents. PHH isn't going to want that, I know that. They are going to make it ugly for me for a while....but I'm tough. I've got enough Klonopin to knock down a horse.
I'll be fine.

Thanks for listening, sorry so long, just all this stuff is on my mind. I hate saying goodbye, to me goodbye is only meant for death.

Love, Mikki

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