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Date Posted: 11:30:08 08/07/06 Mon
Author: Mikki
Author Host/IP: 66-227-249-218.dhcp.bycy.mi.charter.com / 66.227.249.218
Subject: My mom is dying

I have been having a horrible time lately....first the therapist, then my job, and now my mom has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. She has polyarteritis, which is an auto immune disease where antibodies are being formed against her arteries in her body. It is a rare condition, only 9,000 people in the country have this disease. It is attacking the arteries in her legs right now, and her kidneys. She just had surgery last week to have an artery removed from her leg and pieces of muscle tissue to determine just how bad it is. IF it was caught early, her prognosis is better. If it is an advanced state, she will be sick for a long time. Her specimens were sent to UM, the only hospital in the state capable of handling this illness. So my mom and dad will have to make the 2 hour trek to Ann Arbor to see a doctor. It will be worth it, it is the best hospital in the state. Her other choice was the Cleveland Clinic, but that was too far to go.

Prognosis on steroids is anywhere from 4 months to 2 years. The antibodies will attack the kidney arteries, and arteries in her lungs, brain, liver and gastrointestinal tract. The there is no cure, and only steroids and immunosupressive drugs can hold it off somewhat. She could lose her hearing and eyesight if it attacks those arteries.

I am scared.......for me and for her. I can't imagine my life without my mother even though we have had our round abouts the last few years. She has been there for me throughout my illness, now I have to be there through hers. I am horribly depressed.....had a suicide attempt a few weeks ago, when I walked through a really bad neighborhood in Flint. A wonderful older man named Jerome, came out of his house and told me I didn't belong here. I told him I wanted to die and I hoped someone would just kill me. He took me into his home, introduced me to his wife Phyllis, and I saw his grandkids. He talked with me for about an hour, and then took me back to my car and told me to call my doctor. I didn't, for I didn't want to be in the hospital. I realized that there are angels in the world, and Jerome happened to be there when I needed him. God works in mysterious ways.......

So I am barely hanging on. My new therapist Jim was wonderful. I see him every two weeks, and it was very comfortable. He wants to transition me to a female therapist at some point, but he needs to get me stabilized first. So I was feeling a bit better .......I told him of my death walk, and he told me I better talk to my doctor about it.

I leave for Florida for two weeks next week. Me and Lyndsey are going together to see my friend Kim. Sarah chose to go to San antonio to visit her creepy boyfriend. I can't stop her since she is 18. I''m scared for her...I'm scared she won't come home and ruin her life.

I've got so much on my plate that I am falling over. Drugs don't help.....I can't even fucking shower everyday. I can't post cause I don't know what to say, because I don't know what to say to myself. I'm sorry I'm not here for you all.....I need all the prayers I can get.

Thanks for listening and I love you all,

Mikki

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