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Date Posted: 13:00:46 08/09/06 Wed
Author: Richard
Author Host/IP: 246.detroit-12rh16rt.mi.dial-access.att.net / 12.75.43.246
Subject: I'm learning...

With my short bowel syndrome, I cannot afford to sweat much because there is no way to get re-hydrated adequately even with the special treatment I use. I get IV hydration infusion three times a week at the hospital on there oncology (cancer) floor. I am a easy fast patient being only I get saline fluid and takes only two hours so they like me there at 7:00 a.m. in the morning when it is not a madhouse. I like it also because then I have the rest of the day to myself. However, when it gets hot in the later hours I of the morning and day, I cannot go to the park because of the sweating and dehydration. So, I worked it out with the head nurse to go ahead to the park first in the cooler of the early morning on hot days. The head nurse is wheelchair bound and is more compassionate about my medical condition. Some of the nurse are a bit resentful that I can just alternate my arrival time. I am to call them from the park in the a.m. to find out when I can come into the hospital later and I do. This morning a nurse of seniority tells me to get there as early as I can because “we are tight today”. Well that gene I got makes guilt & shame kick in so darn quick, fires off. This time I have a conversation with my God and me. Like, why do I need to feel guilty. No one is holding a gun to my head to feel guilty. Why do I need to take personally what the nurse said. Even, why to I perceive she is kinda sticking it to me. So, I work things out with myself. I resolve the feeling. I even anticipate how I might react or act when actually face to face with the nurse, a perceived attacker. I tell myself I will have to remember to tell myself that I have resolved this issue and she is not an attacker; that was just a knee jerk perception. Well, I get to my room, get my IV inserted in my port (implanted valve for IV catheter needle), in comes that nurse of sonority the placement and nothing but pleasantry, friendly usual stuff. <b>I kept my mouth shut.</b> I did not do a ‘little bit’ of soliciting to get ‘labeled’ which bunches of little bits will add up to. In the past I would get myself labeled as nut, agitator, nuisance, whiner, unlikeable, and so on. <br>
So cool, hun!<br>
I just need another fifty lifetimes or so to get this down pat.<br>
A long one this time. I thank you for reading all of this.<br>
RICHARD

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