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Date Posted: 23:05:47 09/15/06 Fri
Author: Liz
Author Host/IP: cpe-24-175-42-10.houston.res.rr.com / 24.175.42.10
Subject: Re: Just when you think you have it licked....
In reply to: Zsof 's message, "Just when you think you have it licked...." on 20:18:18 09/15/06 Fri

I just got back from a trip out of town and I'm catching up. Here are some thoughts:

If you love him and are best friends, maybe you could recapture the romance. Maybe this is just a phase. Has CG seen a doctor about his "problem"? Maybe there is a physical cause that can be treated.

Another thing to consider might be whether you could reintroduce some sort of affectionate, physical but non-sexual intimacy. I'm thinking backrubs and hand-holding with no pressure for sex.

I suspect many marriages either become non-sexual or go through periods of time without intimacy. But the risk is, if it goes on too long, one partner or both may become frustrated and be vulnerable to becoming emotionally attached to someone else.

That is what happened to me. The difference was, I didn't love my husband and he wasn't my best friend or any kind of friend to me. So my marriage truly became a lie and ultimately ended -- which turned out for the best for both of us in the long run.

But my situation was different. I worked and he wasn't a provider in any sense of the word. And maybe if that had been different things would have turned out differently -- but then we would have been two different people.

Anyway, I'm sure it is depressing not to have your needs for a physical relationship met. Living with someone in a friendly partnership could still be very lonely on an emotional level. I can also understand not wanting to be with anyone else. Relationships are so tricky and complicated and there is so much potential for hurt.

Even if you can't do marriage counseling, maybe you could go alone and talk through some of these issues. Also, I don't know if you are on meds or have considered going back on them. I can't say too much since I have had mixed experiences with meds. I just went back on one 2 weeks ago and am waiting to see if it is going to kick in and do me some good. I'm struggling with some issues of my own and when you are dealing with wacked biochemistry on top of everything else, life can feel overwhelming.

I hope this helps a bit, it is just my thoughts. Sometimes it helps to talk things out here or with others who are more objective. Hope you feel a little better today too.

Hugs,

Liz

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  • Re: Just when you think you have it licked.... -- Mikki, 12:29:54 09/16/06 Sat
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