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Date Posted: 20:18:18 09/15/06 Fri
Author: Zsof
Author Host/IP: dsl093-011-179.cle1.dsl.speakeasy.net / 66.93.11.179
Subject: Just when you think you have it licked....

The damned *d* comes back. Everytime. I hate it so much.

I need to babble, and I can't do it anywhere but here, CG follows me online so I have no refuge but Castaways.

I am not in love with my husband. I love him, we are best friends, but the love is gone. I think a lot of that is because the intimacy is gone. We haven't made love in over a year. We've tried a few times, but although his mind is willing, his flesh isn't (if you know what I mean). But we've only tried 3 times-and only twice since Ben was born. And trust me, I give him plenty of opportunities. He just doesn't want to anymore, so I've gone into "hibernation". I don't even like him to touch me now...it just reminds me too much of what we don't have.

We were seeing a marriage counselor, but his work schedule ramped up to the point where it just wasn't possible to do our "homework" nor even see the doctor anymore.

A few friends have asked me why I don't leave him, and I don't see why I should. He works, I don't have to. I can stay home and raise our children and work part time. If I left him I would have to struggle on my own--something I don't want to do with a baby.

But the biggest reason not to leave him is because I don't want another relationship. If I do leave him I wouldn't want to date again. Really. I think about trying to be with another person and want to puke. But maybe that's the depression.

But I won't leave him, I think that would be silly. He is my best friend, just not my lover anymore. He pays the bills and I clean house, make dinner, and raise the kids. Seems like a pretty good trade off to me.

So why am I so depressed?

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