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Date Posted: 18:40:15 07/10/06 Mon
Author: Liz
Author Host/IP: cpe-24-175-42-10.houston.res.rr.com / 24.175.42.10
Subject: Re: How come... Me too
In reply to: Richard 's message, "How come..." on 20:34:49 07/08/06 Sat

I feel guilty for suffering from depression -- and yes, I am suffering -- and yes I feel guilty for calling it suffering. I feel inadequate as a human being and unworthy of love.

How does this happen? I know in my head I am smart and nice and that I have a right to be here -- but I feel like a mistake and that anyone who hooks up with me is misfortunate.

I feel broken and gripped by inferiority and feelings of worthlessness and I am ashamed for having these feelings but there is nothing I can do about them. All I can do is take one moment at a time.

When these feelings engulf me I could be sitting in the most beautiful place in the world, surrounded by love and affection and I am unable to feel happy or safe or deserving.

I want to tell my man friend to run, that he doesn't deserve this, that he should find someone who isn't sick the way I am, and I can't even get the words out, I can't even articulate what is wrong because on the outside it all looks so good and because I can be happy and normal one day and desperate the next and none of it makes sense.

Oh well, I think I am just going through a bad time. I hope so anyway. I understand the fear that something much worse is coming and that I am bringing it on myself because of my inability to sustain wellness or happiness and stay out of the bad thoughts.

L

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