VoyForums
[ Show ]
Support VoyForums
[ Shrink ]
VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, [8] ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 08:56:45 05/31/06 Wed
Author: Hope
Author Host/IP: 168-103-222-243.hlrn.qwest.net / 168.103.222.243
Subject: Sinking--Long, Read with Caution

I am really having a rough time. I feel so frazzled by the pressures of my life. I have a new job that takes every ounce of my energy reserves and brainpower (I think I need ginko and COQ10). The commute is longer and my time is limited even more than ever.

Danster's ADHD-like behavior is getting more and more difficult. He is still pretty good in school (THANK GOD) but comes home and just falls apart hyper, emotional, needy, oppositional, etc. He sucks the life force out of anyone within range. I have come to believe I may be able to control some of this through diet. I believe he is extremely addicted to sugar and carbohydrates (I can't keep him out of the fridge and he is getting fat). There is this diet I have been wanting to start but I have felt SO stressed and pressed for time that I have been putting it off. Besides dh is against it and highly vocal about it too. It's called the PecanBread diet. It eliminates all bad carbs to starve yeast out of the digestive track. The theory is that that yeast overgrowth causes these behaviors including those on the spectrum (pdd) and those with add and depression. The challeges include more kitchen time and that's daunting with the kind of time I have after work. But maybe if I spend more time in there on the weekend and freeze, it can become manageable. I am still not ready to resort to medication and this is my last ditch effort.

Lastly, and you knew it would come to this. I am struggling in this marriage. I told my older stepson off the other day. He deserved it but I since realized that just because he is a jerk doesn't give me the right to be one so I called him to apologize. Of course he won't pick up my call (he's the injured party, of course that's the spin) and I left it on his voice mail. I've come down on him a couple of times in the past few years. I just get so frustrated with things that I "blow". Not often but maybe once a year perhaps. It is because there is no open dialogue or communication and I stuff stuff stuff until I can no longer keep it in. R is critical of my parenting, calls my son fat, etc etc. The other one is lot sweeter but he has no tolerance for Danster either. I don't blame them for that, he's not easy to be around. Both R and danster are the kind of people that, unless they are yours and you love them, almost impossible to like lol. Frankly I'm tired of being around people I have to defend myself against. He is a toxic person and I cannot handle it any more. He is passive aggressive. Will never talk about what is really going on, he would rather be sarcastic and every turn and zing you with negativity and criticisms just barely noticeable. I notice but of course David does not. David hates conflict and refuses to talk about it. He'll act all depressed and mopey or get snippy with me instead. D is severely codependent with his kids. He is still mourning that they are adults and out of the fold (R will be 25 this Fall and is married). This is hard on him. I feel very sorry for D, I really do. Here is has gotten himself into a crazy family with a high needs kid when he should be free and clear and just partying with his adult kids. I guess I would let him go. He is clearly not happy and neither am I. I want someone who will stand up for me and sometimes take my side. Not always but sometimes. I want someone who will help me with discipline and give me a break and let me sleep in once a month. Or I would rather just be alone. There are advantages to his leaving if that is what he decides. I make more money so I should be able to survive (may need a roommate). I could do my own diet without having to hide his junkfood. My biggest sadness would be the loss of stability for danster. But he is already unstable lol. Maybe it would be ok. I suppose I could focus on becoming more autonomous and let him go visit his adult kids on the weekend and danster and I do our own thing. I don't know what is the right thing to do. I have made so many mistakes in the past I feel paralyzed to make any major moves. D and I thought we were in love but in retrospect, we were in love with the idea. The reality couldn't compete. I'm just tired of feeling like I am making someone miserable and feeling miserable myself.

So that's it. My life once again topsy turvey and I'm just pushing myself out the door to embrace a new day. I'm trying to hold on to the moment. There is good stuff. Challenging though my job is, it is a lot of fun.

Thanks for listening. I don't know what anyone can do except just listen to me and tell me I'm not crazy and that my feelings are valid. Love you all so much. xox

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

Forum timezone: GMT-5
VF Version: 3.00b, ConfDB:
Before posting please read our privacy policy.
VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
Copyright © 1998-2019 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.