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Date Posted: 00:39:59 06/03/06 Sat
Author: Sandy
Author Host/IP: 68-187-173-005.dhcp.hckr.nc.charter.com / 68.187.173.5
Subject: I just want to hit something!!!!!...extremely long (sorry)

I am so damned frustrated I could scream. Toupe' has been at the critical care/emergeny clinic all week. That ended up costing more than his surgery, but while that isn't a good thing for my finances, it isn't what has me wanting to scream.

I've had the day from hell. First of all...yesterday when I called the vet to check on Toupe' they said he won't eat and wanted me to bring his favorite food there and try to feed him myself. I did that but it didn't work. All week I've been driving about 50 miles roundtrip to visit him after work every day to try to keep him from feeling abandoned. I'm tired but I'd do whatever it takes for Toupe'. Today I called the vet and he said that Toupe' still won't eat and he probably needs a feeding tube until he gets his appetite back (since cats can't go too long without food due to that liver problem that happens). Anyway, I asked if he thought Toupe' would eat at home. He said I could try it so I said I'd pick him up at 5:00.

Meanwhile his regular vet, who I really like, is back in town and I talked to him on the phone. His services are less expensive, he does a great job, his practice is a lot closer to me, it's less chaotic and noisy there if Toupe' has to be hospitalized, they have an open door policy on visiting as opposed to the emergency clinic's 15 minutes per day at 5:30 (which I know is due to the number of pets they treat and how busy they are), and finally the regular vet and his nurses have gotten kind of attached to Toupe' and he gets much more personal attention there instead of just being one of the numbers. He said if Toupe' doesn't eat tonight I can bring him to his office in the morning and he'll insert the tube and he'll give me a number to call him if I have any problems on Sunday, which is the only day they close. So far so good...

On the way to get Toupe'... I had driven Matt's truck because it has AC and I figured Toupe' would be more comfortable. My car gets hot as hell. On top of that we were having thunderstorms and when it rains I have to keep the windows mostly up and of course that makes it even hotter inside. Well, Matt had told me yesterday that his truck was acting up but I asked my brother to drive it and it didn't do anything for him. I got 1/2 mile from the emergency clinic and it broke down. We think it's the fuel pump. A cop came by and gave me a lift to the emergency clinic and then I called Matt and my brother to come and get me and Toupe' and check on the truck. If it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all.

And here is the main stressor. I told Gary weeks ago that I didn't see how we could have any kind of a relationship. We have different opinions about everything and fuss all the time. Both of us have strong personalities and they clash immensely. For the past 3 weeks he knows I've been on an emotional roller coaster with this cat. I can't help that he's run into a few complications after the surgery but I can't just give up and not try to get him over them. I feel like the worst is behind us and as soon as we can get enough nutrition in him, whether he starts eating or has to have the tube, he'll perk up and be much better. The incision has healed up nicely...he gets the stitches out Tuesday. He doesn't seem to be sore. He just doesn't have an appetite because he's been through so much and I think he feels nauseous from the antibiotics, etc.

So... I asked Gary if he couldn't just be a friend and let up about having a relationship. I told himt that I am stressed to the max and I can't think about anything like that. I told him AGAIN that I don't want a relationship that involves arguing all the time. I've had too much of that in my life already. I want some peace and quiet. I don't want to be dealing with small children now that mine is grown, especially after all that hell I went through with Matt's dad and custody/visitation/child support. Matt will be 18 in 2 weeks and I don't want to be spending weekends running after a 4 year old child that is no kin to me or the person I would be involved with. I made a personal decision a couple years ago not to get involved with anyone who has small children because I want a break from all of that. Well Gary's kids are grown but as I've told all of you...he's obsessed with the grandkid of his ex-girlfriend. And that's ok for him but it's not what I'm looking for.

Anyway...back to the point. I've repeatedly asked him to just back off and quit pressuring me. I don't need pressure right now. I'm already stressed out of my mind. But can he back off and just be a friend???? HELL NO!!! He comes in my office and hangs around at work when I'm busy. He sits there with this long face and looks like he's so depressed. He tells me how I've hurt his feelings and how bad he's feeling. He doesn't think he's laying guilt trips on me but he is and I don't respond well to those having grown up with my mom using that all the time to control me. He wanted to come over tonight and I explained that I was picking up Toupe' and that the vet wanted me to try really hard to get him to eat and if he didn't he would have to get a feeding tube tomorrow. I explained that I was up until 3:00 am doing research on it so today I'm really tired. I explained that I wouldn't really be able to visit because I'd be trying to get Toupe' relaxed and in the mood to eat. Well he got all pissy on the phone and told me just to forget it and he guessed he'd hear from me when I wanted my car fixed.

So...when Matt's truck broke down THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T CALL Gary. I didn't want him to say that I only call him when I need a car fixed. I took care of it without him. He called tonight and asked what I was doing. I said I was going to pick Matt up at my brothers. He asked where the truck is so I told him and then he got all mad because I didn't call him. I told him why I didn't and he got mad about that.

Then he called back 2 more times to fuss and talk about "our relationship" (that we don't have) and went on and on and on until I was just screaming into the phone. I told himt that all I had wanted was to come home and relax and work with Toupe but he couldn't act like a friend and let me have that. I told him that a real friend wouldn't put pressure on me right now when they know I'm at the end of my rope. He accused me of caring more about my cat than I do him... well...actually that's pretty much true because Toupe' doesn't irritate the living hell out of me.

Finally I got so mad I told him not to call me any more. I said that if I ever needed it confirmed that he and I couldn't have a relationship, he has done that tonight by insisting on arguing about this stuff at the worst possible time. I told him I never want a relationship with anyone if it's going to mean having to fuss and argue all the time because I just don't have it in me to deal with it.

Besides all of this, he knows that I had a rough day at work. I turned all the price list stuff into the printer because my boss was rushing me and not more than 30 minutes later the president of the company brings me changes. I told him that the printer had picked all of that up and he said that I'd have to call him and stop him from starting because these changes were important. Well, I did that but what really got me is that I missed lunch and I had planned to go out to lunch with some friends...one of which was celebrating her birthday. Because my boss was in such a rush and had already told the printer to come and pick it up, I missed lunch to complete it...only to be told that I have to change half of it. Oh well...shit happens but it was just frustrating.

Then the truck business...and then Toupe' has barely eaten, mostly due to being exhausted...and then Gary's barrage of aggravation. Damn it all!!! I'm tired. Everything has gone wrong all day.

I swear I just want to run away sometimes.

Toupe' was falling asleep setting up but he was purring the whole time. I don't think he slept much at the emergency clinic...probably because it's open 24 hours and there are constant beepers, buzzers, phones and people moving around working on animals...not to mention some huge dogs. The times I was there the noise got on my nerves really bad so I imagine it was rough on his nerves too. He's used to my house where it's very quiet most of the time. His regular vets office is much more laid back and not nearly as busy because it's a small practice as opposed to a practice that has about 8 doctors.

Well...sorry this is so long. I'm so stressed I'll never sleep and I'm so sick of Gary's pressure and irritation that I wish I'd never hear from him again but I won't be that lucky. He's just kept on until he's made it impossible to even be his friend. I just want him to leave me alone. I don't want to have to hear anymore.

Thanks for letting me vent!

Sandy

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