Author:
M_Miller_Phil_4-20
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Date Posted: Wednesday, June 16, 11:10:55am EST
In reply to:
M_Miller_Phil_4-20
's message, "What Keeps Tripping You Up on Your Spiritual Walk?" on Tuesday, June 15, 06:10:46pm EST
Where do I begin?
I am impatient and I am not trusting. I feel the need to look out for myself for myself because of having been lied too, deceived, and hurt. So I try to keep my distance. I know full well that I should do what it says in http://www.biblegateway.com/cgi-bin/bible?passage=1PET+5:7&language=english&version=NIV&showfn=on&showxref=on 2 Peter 5:7 --- Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
That is hard though, but by me not doing that I'm telling God that he doesn't have my back. So I struggle with that and then there are times when my heart is thawed out and then it'll freeze again. It's horrible but sometimes when I am alone I enjoy it. Why? -- Because I know that know one can get to me, but MYSELF! Sometimes I am my own worst enemy. I have very high expectations of myself and I'm hard on me. I realize that I subconsciously expect others to live up to my expectations and when they don't I drop them from my heart.. Why? Because being nice and caring has the tendency to backfire. It doesn't have to be for the opposite sex either.. It could be family, friends, and even in meeting new people.
For the first time in my life, I have no plans really because I have nothing in which to base them. I am lost as far as what I'm supposed to be doing career wise.. Before I had it down, but now I live day to day trying to keep the faith. I'm learning about what it takes to maintain a good marriage so as not to end up like others I See. My husband and I are learning so much and we don't want to be like marriages of the World -- so it takes work on both our parts..Learning how to submit to my husband and to God is a challenge, because I'm so used to being independant. This is new and at times,it's frustrating because patience is the key and trusting God..
My life is not bad, but I have so many questions of When? Why? Where? I'm not used to waiting. I am action oriented and a Carpe Diem type of person!
Pray for me!
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