| Subject: I'm crying! |
Author:
OTWB
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Date Posted: 00:29:11 04/05/05 Tue
In reply to:
Holly
's message, "Wayyyyy OT. And long. But funny" on 15:34:10 03/31/05 Thu
>bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My
>horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility,
>is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine
>remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll
>suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
Nerd eroticism? :D
>*Disclaimer: I intend in no way to offend anyone, just
>thought some of you guys might find this as funny as I
>did. The following are transcripts from apparent
>attempts at "cyber" by some funny individuals. Long
>read, but some humorous highlights...
>
>Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
>Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
>Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
>Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
>Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
>Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
>Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
>Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass.
>Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
>Sarah19fca: you like that?
>Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
>Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
>Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
>Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
>Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
>Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
>Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and
>smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
>Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
>Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
>Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
>Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
>Sarah19fca: /ignore
>Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a _____ anyway.
>Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.
>
>---------------
>
>Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
>DirtyKate: K, but don't tell anybody
>DirtyKate: Who are you?
>Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out
>a lot
>Bloodninja: And I have a part time job delivering for
>Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
>DirtyKate: You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the
>back of your car..
>Bloodninja: Maybe some other time. You should call up
>Papa John's and make an order
>DirtyKate: Haha! OK
>DirtyKate: Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza
>just dripping with sauce.
>Bloodninja: Well, first they would say, "Hello, this
>is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell
>you the specials, and then you would make your order.
>So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
>DirtyKate: I want everything, baby!
>Bloodninja: Is this a delivery?
>DirtyKate: Umm...Yes
>DirtyKate: So you're bringing the pizza to my house
>now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a
>shower...
>Bloodninja: Good. It will take about fifteen minutes
>to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
>**pause**
>DirtyKate: I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry
>up!
>Bloodninja: You can't hurry good pizza.
>Bloodninja: I'm on my way now though
>**pause**
>DirtyKate: So you're at my front door now.
>Bloodninja: How did you know?
>Bloodninja: I knock but you can't hear me cause you're
>in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I
>put the pizza down on your coffee table.
>Bloodninja: Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as
>hot as a pizza oven
>DirtyKate: ooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and
>I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
>Bloodninja: So you're still in the bathroom?
>DirtyKate: Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
>Bloodninja: I can no longer resist the pizza. I open
>the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I
>penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The
>mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce
>is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As
>you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front
>door....
>DirtyKate: What the ____?
>DirtyKate: You perverted piece of ____
>DirtyKate: ____
>
>------------------
>
>Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
>MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
>Bloodninja: What like gardening an ____?
>MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
>Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
>Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
>(pause)
>MommyMelissa: is that it?
>Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
>Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
>MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts
>INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more
>sexy for me?
>(pause)
>Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage
>my spinach... Sexily.
>Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber
>waves of grains.
>MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was
>thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
>Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
>Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this ____ is HOT.
>MommyMelissa: ...
>Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your
>love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm
>and sticky cauliflower of love.
>MommyMelissa: What the ____ is this madlibs? I'm outta
>here.
>Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my
>cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your
>eyes. Now you can't see. _____.
>MommyMelissa: whatever.
>
>-------
>
>bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat
>me nice aight?
>BritneySpears14: Aight.
>bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
>BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you,
>bloodninja.
>bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe
>and wizard hat.
>BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
>bloodninja: Me too baby.
>BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
>bloodninja: I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a
>real beautiful woman.
>BritneySpears14: Hey...
>bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before
>casting Lvl 8 Penis of the Infinite.
>BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
>bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of
>the Beyondness.
>BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever.
>This is ridiculous.
>bloodninja: Don't ____ with me biznitch, I'm the
>mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
>bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl
>1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist,
>because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.
>BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece.
>bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my
>lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the
>robots as flaming piles of metal.
>bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for
>destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist
>Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my
>accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
>bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting
>hard now.
>bloodninja: Baby?
>
>----------------
>
>bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how
>long I can keep it ready for you.
>j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what
>r u.
>bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats
>for sure.
>j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
>j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on
>the neck.
>bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert
>you that you are in my breeding territory.
>j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
>j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
>bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
>j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's
>just part of the game.
>bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They
>____ing charge your ass.
>j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
>bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a
>Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
>bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my
>tough skinned feet.
>j_gurli3: thats it.
>bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My
>horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility,
>is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine
>remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll
>suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
>bloodninja: ____ am I hard now.
>
>-------------
>
>BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
>eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
>BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
>eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
>BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show
>you.
>BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and
>massage your muscular physique.
>eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and
>wizard hat.
>BritneySpears14: What the ____, I told you not to
>message me again.
>eminemBNJA:
>BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time
>I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me
>kiddie porn you ____ up.
>eminemBNJA: Oh
>eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or
>something
>
>
>
>sweet17: Hi
>bloodninja: hello
>bloodninja: who is this?
>sweet17: just a someone?
>bloodninja: A someone I know?
>sweet17: nope
>bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
>sweet17: well sorrrrrry
>sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
>bloodninja: why?
>sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
>bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
>sweet17: yes?
>bloodninja: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
>sweet17: paranoid?
>bloodninja: yes
>sweet17: of what?
>sweet17: me?
>bloodninja: No. I'm in hiding.
>sweet17: LOL
>bloodninja: Don't ____ing laugh at me!
>bloodninja: This ____ is serious!
>sweet17: What are you hiding from?
>bloodninja: The cops.
>sweet17: gimme a ____ing break
>bloodninja: I'm serious.
>sweet17: I don't get it
>bloodninja: The cops are after me.
>sweet17: For what?
>bloodninja: I'm wanted in three states
>sweet17: For???
>bloodninja: It's kindof embarrasing.
>bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
>bloodninja: Hello?
>sweet17: You are ____ing sick.
>bloodninja: Send me your picture.
>sweet17: why?
>bloodninja: so I know you aren't one of them.
>sweet17: One of what?
>bloodninja: The cops.
>sweet17: I'm not a cop i told you
>bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
>sweet17: hold on
>bloodninja: Hurry up.
>bloodninja: Are you there?
>bloodninja: ____ you, cop!
>sweet17: Hey sorry
>sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
>bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a
>picture to send to me.
>bloodninja: When really you were notifying the
>authorities.
>bloodninja: Weren't you!?
>sweet17: thats not it
>bloodninja: Then what?
>sweet17: I don't want to send you the picture cause
>I'm not pretty
>bloodninja: Most cops aren't
>sweet17: IM NOT A ____ING COP YOU ____HEAD!
>bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
>sweet17: fine. What's your e-mail?
>bloodninja: Just send it through here.
>sweet17: alright *PIC*
>sweet17: Did you get it?
>bloodninja: Hold on. I'm looking.
>sweet17: That was me back in may
>sweet17: I've lost weight since then.
>bloodninja: I hope so
>sweet17: what?!?
>sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
>bloodninja: Did it?
>sweet17: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
>bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you
>my picture?
>sweet17: yes
>bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
>sweet17: kks
>bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
>sweet17: this isn't you.
>bloodninja: I'll be damned if it ain't!
>sweet17: You don't look like that.
>bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
>sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
>bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
>bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
>sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
>bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh
>guy....
>bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
>sweet17: Go ____ yourself
>bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
>bloodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week.
>sweet17: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
>sweet17: You've done nothing but slam me.
>sweet17: you hurt me.
>bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't
>hurt me?
>sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
>bloodninja: Why would I do that?
>sweet17: I can't believe that cops are after you
>bloodninja: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his
>lap..
>sweet17: ____ YOU!!!
>bloodninja: You'd break both of his legs.
>sweet17: You're a ____ING _______!
>sweet17: I've been teased my whole life because of my
>weight
>sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don't even
>know me
>bloodninja: Ok. I'm sorry.
>sweet17: No you aren't
>bloodninja: You're right. I'm not.
>bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
>sweet17: I'm done with you
>bloodninja: Aww. I'm sorry.
>sweet17: I'm putting you on ignore
>bloodninja: Wait a sec
>bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
>bloodninja: Wanna start over?
>sweet17: No
>bloodninja: I'll eat your kitty
>sweet17: You'll what?
>bloodninja: You heard me.
>bloodninja: I said I'd eat your kitty.
>sweet17: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard
>after seeing my picture
>bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
>sweet17: I'd like to know that the man eating me out
>is excited yes
>bloodninja: Well I'm not like most men.
>bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
>sweet17: Like what?
>bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
>sweet17: I don't know
>bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
>sweet17: I'm afraid to
>bloodninja: Why?
>sweet17: cause
>bloodninja: cause why?
>sweet17: well lets see
>sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call
>me fat. then you wanna eat me out
>sweet17: doesn't that seem strange to you?
>bloodninja: Nope
>sweet17: well its strange to me
>bloodninja: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
>sweet17: I didn't say that
>bloodninja: So is that a yes?
>sweet17: I guess so.
>bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited
>though.
>bloodninja: Are you willing?
>sweet17: What do you need me to do?
>bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
>sweet17: ???
>bloodninja: When I start to go limp... you say
>"HARRRR!!!"
>bloodninja: ok?
>bloodninja: Hello?
>sweet17: You can't be serious
>bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
>bloodninja: It's my fantasy.
>sweet17: this is retarded
>bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
>sweet17: Yes I want it.
>bloodninja: Then you'll do it for me?
>sweet17: sure
>bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
>bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to
>massage your thighs.
>bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my
>tounge brushing up against them
>bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
>bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth
>clit.
>sweet17: mmmm yeah
>bloodninja: uh oh ...going limp.
>sweet17: Har
>bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
>bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
>sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
>bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get
>more moist with every stroke.
>bloodninja: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in
>and out of my mouth.
>bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent
>makes its way to my nose.
>bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your
>femininity.
>sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
>bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
>bloodninja: going limp
>sweet17: HARRRRRRR
>bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my
>hands.
>bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
>bloodninja: going limp
>sweet17: this is stupid
>bloodninja: ...still limp
>bloodninja: Do it!
>sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
>bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your _______.
>bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your
>ass.
>bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair
>around your ass.
>sweet17: WTF?!?!?
>bloodninja: They stink really bad.
>sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
>bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
>bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
>bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
>sweet17: YOURE A ____ING PYSCHO!!
>bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
>bloodninja: And turn you into a ____ing candy apple...
>bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
>sweet17: ____ YOU _______!!
>bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the
>side of the cabin...
>bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
>bloodninja: ...going limp again.
>bloodninja: Hello?
>bloodninja: Say it!
>bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!
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