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Date Posted: 21:03:39 07/29/07 Sun
Author: Tint
Subject: Re: Religion
In reply to: EJetson 's message, "Re: Religion" on 15:21:58 07/29/07 Sun

Hey EJ.

>I've never really been able to comprehend the concept
>of how ANYONE can make the conscious choice to do
>drugs. Before doing them the first time, everyone
>knows how dangerous they are and how stupid it is to
>do them. Everyone.
>
>I find it even harder to understand how someone who is
>intelligent, as I know that you are, even though we've
>never really had a personal discussion, can do them.
>What made you lose your mind so completely that you
>would think it was a good idea?

It kinda goes like this. As a kid, you go to a party and have a few drinks. Some people are smoking weed in the back, laughing and seem to be having fun. The girl you have the hots for is one of the group...

After smoking weed you realize it's not the big deal the Say No to Drugs campaign would have you belief. Reefer Madness has stoners jumping off roofs. If anything it makes you MORE cautious. I would jump in a car with a stoned person long before a guy who had even 2 drinks. Because I know the stoned guy will drive 20 mph in a 45 zone absolutely convinced those lights behind him are cops. Sure when he passes the Circle K we have to wait while he stops to get a bag of Lay's potato chips, but hey.

Anyway, once you realize they lied to you about weed, you start to question other drugs. How bad can cocaine be? I loved LSD as a teen. But LSD and marijuana are not physically addictive. Cocaine, alcohol and methamphetamines are. Therein lies the rub, as the bard would say.


>Now, as far as getting through it and moving on. I'm
>a skeptic like you when it comes to these "12 steps".
>They may work for some people, but I think that you
>might be one of them that it won't work for.
>
>I think that probably for you, getting through this is
>going to be 100% up to you. Do you really hate
>yourself so much that you want to throw away your
>life? Do you really hate all of your family and
>friends so much that you don't care whether they want
>and need you in their lives? If the answer is yes,
>then I don't understand and any help offered probably
>won't do any good. My guess, though, is that the
>answer is "of course not", and that all by itself
>should be enough to make you want to stop.

It's a slippery slope kinda thing. I was I guess what you would call a "functional" alky and drug user for about 12 years. 3-4 beers every night. Never drank before 5pm except super bowl sunday or when i would go fishing. And once every few months I would get a wild hair up my ass, go out and buy some drugs, tell my wife I had a biz trip and hole up in a motel room for a weekend getting high. Nobody was the wiser, I was making...good money with an executive position etc etc.

But once the kids and wife were gone, left to my own devices with nobody to hide shit from, things just kinda got crazy.

>You're intelligent enough to know that you made a
>mistake and need to fix it. You're intelligent enough
>to know that there are people who love you who will
>help you in any way that they can. Now, you have to
>be intelligent enough to know that being intelligent
>is a shitload more rewarding that being stupid.
>
>Higher power? Who knows? I don't think you need one.
> I think you're intelligent enough to not repeat the
>stupidest mistake you've ever made, just on common
>sense.
>
>I don't know if this will help or not. I don't claim
>to have any kind of knowledge of how to help others
>deal with things like this. But, if you want to talk
>to someone who won't just do it to give you a pep
>talk, my e-mail address is attached here.

Man, I look at this thread I started and I feel embarrassed, like Did you need attention that fucking bad, dude? But it wasn't so much about attention. I'm feeling a little desperate! I want AA to work and I really want to reconcile this higher part thing. The rehab failed miserably. I was told in rehab that only 4% stay sober/drug-free. Mad props to your friend, he must have gleaned something I haven't. The 96% failure rate was reiterated the other night on...I forget some news show, by Danny Bonnaduci in reference to Lindsay Lohan.

I look at everything I've lost. My house, my kids, my good legal record, my general sense of well being. The first year of this I thought it was a phase, a little bump in the road. "You got divorced, dude, people wig out. You'll snap back." But now I question if I will.

Thank you (and everyone else) for taking the time to respond. You were one person I did not think would bother, and your thoughts are much appreciated.

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