| Subject: PS...! |
Author:
bittersweet
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Date Posted: 16:17:13 09/19/04 Sun
In reply to:
bittersweet
's message, "Re: lara" on 16:11:08 09/19/04 Sun
>>Jane--
>>
>>I've been in and out of therapy since I was 13/14 for
>>ANA, BDD, depression, and cutting. It's pathheticly
>>depressing, but I have seen more than 16 therapists...
>>I never got much out of therapy, but I did meet some
>>amazing people–people I will never forget. I made some
>>REAL friends in the hospital settings. (Beckie being
>>one of them.) The therapists and MDs on the other hand
>>really didn't know what they were doing, some made it
>>worse, and then I was shuffled around again. Therapy
>>never went anywhere; The subject would be changed from
>>me to something else, and we ended up talking about
>>the shrinks kids... I already knew that it was my
>>family life and the neglect/abuse I was dealt as a
>>child/adolescence that scarred me. I just didn't know
>>how I could escape it and neither did they, so they
>>passed me off as hopeless. I also saw a nutritionist
>>for a while. She was great, but she didn't help me
>>with my ed...
>>
>>I was hospitalized twice, shipped off into an
>>intensive inpatient program for a number of months: I
>>had gotten down to 68lbs and I'm 5'4. I also did the
>>outpatient speal, group therapy, after the first
>>hospitalization and again last year. During that time,
>>my ANA, anxiety, OCD, and depression got worse. The
>>OCD and anxiety were diagnosed my Junior year of
>>highschool just after my osteoporosis and heart
>>problems came to light. I never sought therapy
>>specifically for the anxiety; maybe I should. It's
>>just that everything seems far to complex, and I have
>>had too many bad experiences with the "professionals"
>>when I was a minor, with their cry for meds, which
>>again made things worse...
>>
>>Still, I do believe that therapy, talking about
>>everything, is the only way to find a way out of this
>>mess of a life I/we are currently in...
>>It's just that it hasn't helped me yet...
>>
>>love you much
>>take care
>>lara
>>
>>
>> >>Not just this thread, but a lot of the feelings you
>>>>and I have talked about on this forum seem very much
>>>>alike...
>>>>I do think that it is my anxiety that keeps me
>>>>literally hiding from the world and in such pain. I
>>>>feel that I find myself "depressed" because of my
>>>>anxiety surrounding social situations–failling to
>>meet
>>>>others expectation, not being good enough, etc.
>>>>I issolate myself to try to avoid the anxiety, which
>>>>only leads to self-disgust and mental torture, OCD
>>and
>>>>Depression, ana and the feeling that I am failing at
>>>>life, that I am falling apart... I do think that it
>>is
>>>>my anxiety that keeps me locked in the cycle. I feel
>>>>that if I could only break through that wall, "life"
>>>>would become much easier.
>>>>
>>>>forever here for you girl!
>>>>lara
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>>>If you dont want to take any meds, dont. I mean
>>>>>>consider what professionals tell you but it is
>your
>>>>>>body, and you must make this decision, if you are
>>>too
>>>>>>afraid and if you believe that the fear alone is
>>>>going
>>>>>>to make you feel so bad that the benefits dont
>>weigh
>>>>>>up then dont take the meds.
>>>>>>Everybody agreed that I should take medication
>too,
>>>>>>(not anymore but before) I never took them because
>>>my
>>>>>>family has a history of addiction and I was so
>>>>affraid
>>>>>>to get addicted that I didnt want to take them.
>You
>>>>>>can do therapy without meds, mostly meds make it
>>>>>>easier, especially when you are depressed it is
>>hard
>>>>>>to keep yourself motivated.
>>>>>>You should listen to what YOU want, but take all
>>>>>>advises in consideration, listen to all you hear
>>and
>>>>>>gather all the information then make your choice,
>>>and
>>>>>>remember, you can always come back on it and
>change
>>>>>>the course you chose. It is your body and you get
>>to
>>>>>>decide what you will take. just make sure that
>your
>>>>>>fears are realistic, get all the info you can.
>>>>>
>>>>>thank you everyone!! i must admit, i'm very
>relieved
>>>>>now, especially to hear that you all have the same
>>>>>point of view i do about meds....it's not exactly
>>>like
>>>>>i'm being pressured deliberatly...it's just that
>>>>>everyone is strongly suggesting i take
>them....which
>>>>>is pressure enough in my head....i want to thank
>you
>>>>>all again, now i can get some rest. the thought of
>>>>>meds freaks me out so much i havent been sleeping.
>>id
>>>>>like to thank lara especially, seems like you went
>>>>>through a lot of shit with medication- i was put on
>>>>>zoloft and wellbutrin as well ,a few years ago, the
>>>>>zoloft didnt help at all and wellbutrin almost gave
>>>me
>>>>>a heart attack!! so i'm glad you didnt wind up
>>taking
>>>>>wellbutrin...also, lara, do you feel like your
>>>anxiety
>>>>>is what's making you so depressed in the first
>>place?
>>>>>thats what i think in my case (although my dr
>>>>>disagrees) he thinks that if i werent depressed i
>>>>>wouldnt be anxious, but i think it's the other way
>>>>>around....just curious to hear more about your
>>>>>situation, cause it sounds almost identical to mine
>>>>>(OCD and stuff) thanks lara and everyone else!!
>>>>>
>>>>>~jane~
>>>
>>>yeah- you're definately right!! ive been noticing
>that
>>>too-- that we're in the same leaky boat! my mom says
>>>it's common for the age we're at but who knows? i've
>>>been told that 18-23 is that whole shitty
>>>"transitional" part of life....agh. the way i feel is
>>>i'm never gonna snap out of it.....what you mentioned
>>>about the anxiety is totally true- how can you enjoy
>>>life if you can barely leave the house, afraid of
>>>getting an anxiety attack? i'm with you 100%....have
>>>you ever tried any sort of therapy for your anxiety
>or
>>>are you in now? i havent tried (not for anxiety) but
>>>i'm going next week and am a little nervous.....maybe
>>>you should try to talk to someone? if it's really
>>>bothering you that is....maybe find someone you can
>>>trust...the way i see it, there's gotta be another
>>>solution besides meds! i've even been looking into a
>>>partial hospitalization program, it's from like 9am
>to
>>>3pm and there's groups for EDs there too! maybe there
>>>is some outpatient stuff in your area (EDs ,etc.etc.)
>>>cause this stuff isnt anything you should be going
>>>through alone, you know?? well, in any case, i hope
>we
>>>BOTH start feeling better soon....thank you for all
>>>the support! and hang in there,for better
>>>days=)hopefully they will come to you soon
>>>love,
>>>~jane~
>
>lara,
>sounds like you're definately having trouble trusting
>the "professionals"- which is understandable!! that's
>a lot of history you have there- i'm just glad you
>made it out alive :o! i've been in therapy since age
>13 as well...it helped a little but not as much as i
>hoped- i saw the same therapist for 4 years- and she
>had the same habit of talking about her kids!!!!! lol,
>it's like "okay you're fucked up but let me talk about
>my perfect kids!" i'm still dealing with a lot of
>things from my past- basically just not trusting
>adults so i'm with you there. i was in residental
>treatments and foster homes so am still dealing with
>all those angers....we definately have more in common
>than i thought! including all of the same diagnoses!!
>well anyways, my e-mail address is comared85@yahoo.com
>if you ever need to talk-- and i really hope you can
>find a therapist you like!!! i have a feeling you will
>find the help you need- sometimes the quest can take
>years!
>
>~jane~ =)
i think the key is to find a therapist who is really really really dedicated to helping YOU! my old therapist used to just let me change the subject all the time and dance around certain issues.....this made me feel like she didn't care whether i solved them or not....my definiton of a good therapist is someone who absolutey is unconditionally devoted to helping you feel better.....i have not found this yet, either, but am still looking! ;)
~jane~
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