| Subject: Re: PS...! |
Author:
lara
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Date Posted: 16:20:39 09/19/04 Sun
In reply to:
bittersweet
's message, "PS...!" on 16:17:13 09/19/04 Sun
Hey, sounds like the shrink I had that rolled her eyes at everything I said. Maybe they're related!
lol...
>>>Jane--
>>>
>>>I've been in and out of therapy since I was 13/14 for
>>>ANA, BDD, depression, and cutting. It's pathheticly
>>>depressing, but I have seen more than 16
>therapists...
>>>I never got much out of therapy, but I did meet some
>>>amazing people–people I will never forget. I made
>some
>>>REAL friends in the hospital settings. (Beckie being
>>>one of them.) The therapists and MDs on the other
>hand
>>>really didn't know what they were doing, some made it
>>>worse, and then I was shuffled around again. Therapy
>>>never went anywhere; The subject would be changed
>from
>>>me to something else, and we ended up talking about
>>>the shrinks kids... I already knew that it was my
>>>family life and the neglect/abuse I was dealt as a
>>>child/adolescence that scarred me. I just didn't know
>>>how I could escape it and neither did they, so they
>>>passed me off as hopeless. I also saw a nutritionist
>>>for a while. She was great, but she didn't help me
>>>with my ed...
>>>
>>>I was hospitalized twice, shipped off into an
>>>intensive inpatient program for a number of months: I
>>>had gotten down to 68lbs and I'm 5'4. I also did the
>>>outpatient speal, group therapy, after the first
>>>hospitalization and again last year. During that
>time,
>>>my ANA, anxiety, OCD, and depression got worse. The
>>>OCD and anxiety were diagnosed my Junior year of
>>>highschool just after my osteoporosis and heart
>>>problems came to light. I never sought therapy
>>>specifically for the anxiety; maybe I should. It's
>>>just that everything seems far to complex, and I have
>>>had too many bad experiences with the "professionals"
>>>when I was a minor, with their cry for meds, which
>>>again made things worse...
>>>
>>>Still, I do believe that therapy, talking about
>>>everything, is the only way to find a way out of this
>>>mess of a life I/we are currently in...
>>>It's just that it hasn't helped me yet...
>>>
>>>love you much
>>>take care
>>>lara
>>>
>>>
>>> >>Not just this thread, but a lot of the feelings
>you
>>>>>and I have talked about on this forum seem very
>much
>>>>>alike...
>>>>>I do think that it is my anxiety that keeps me
>>>>>literally hiding from the world and in such pain. I
>>>>>feel that I find myself "depressed" because of my
>>>>>anxiety surrounding social situations–failling to
>>>meet
>>>>>others expectation, not being good enough, etc.
>>>>>I issolate myself to try to avoid the anxiety,
>which
>>>>>only leads to self-disgust and mental torture, OCD
>>>and
>>>>>Depression, ana and the feeling that I am failing
>at
>>>>>life, that I am falling apart... I do think that it
>>>is
>>>>>my anxiety that keeps me locked in the cycle. I
>feel
>>>>>that if I could only break through that wall,
>"life"
>>>>>would become much easier.
>>>>>
>>>>>forever here for you girl!
>>>>>lara
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>>>If you dont want to take any meds, dont. I mean
>>>>>>>consider what professionals tell you but it is
>>your
>>>>>>>body, and you must make this decision, if you are
>>>>too
>>>>>>>afraid and if you believe that the fear alone is
>>>>>going
>>>>>>>to make you feel so bad that the benefits dont
>>>weigh
>>>>>>>up then dont take the meds.
>>>>>>>Everybody agreed that I should take medication
>>too,
>>>>>>>(not anymore but before) I never took them
>because
>>>>my
>>>>>>>family has a history of addiction and I was so
>>>>>affraid
>>>>>>>to get addicted that I didnt want to take them.
>>You
>>>>>>>can do therapy without meds, mostly meds make it
>>>>>>>easier, especially when you are depressed it is
>>>hard
>>>>>>>to keep yourself motivated.
>>>>>>>You should listen to what YOU want, but take all
>>>>>>>advises in consideration, listen to all you hear
>>>and
>>>>>>>gather all the information then make your choice,
>>>>and
>>>>>>>remember, you can always come back on it and
>>change
>>>>>>>the course you chose. It is your body and you get
>>>to
>>>>>>>decide what you will take. just make sure that
>>your
>>>>>>>fears are realistic, get all the info you can.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>thank you everyone!! i must admit, i'm very
>>relieved
>>>>>>now, especially to hear that you all have the same
>>>>>>point of view i do about meds....it's not exactly
>>>>like
>>>>>>i'm being pressured deliberatly...it's just that
>>>>>>everyone is strongly suggesting i take
>>them....which
>>>>>>is pressure enough in my head....i want to thank
>>you
>>>>>>all again, now i can get some rest. the thought of
>>>>>>meds freaks me out so much i havent been sleeping.
>>>id
>>>>>>like to thank lara especially, seems like you went
>>>>>>through a lot of shit with medication- i was put
>on
>>>>>>zoloft and wellbutrin as well ,a few years ago,
>the
>>>>>>zoloft didnt help at all and wellbutrin almost
>gave
>>>>me
>>>>>>a heart attack!! so i'm glad you didnt wind up
>>>taking
>>>>>>wellbutrin...also, lara, do you feel like your
>>>>anxiety
>>>>>>is what's making you so depressed in the first
>>>place?
>>>>>>thats what i think in my case (although my dr
>>>>>>disagrees) he thinks that if i werent depressed i
>>>>>>wouldnt be anxious, but i think it's the other way
>>>>>>around....just curious to hear more about your
>>>>>>situation, cause it sounds almost identical to
>mine
>>>>>>(OCD and stuff) thanks lara and everyone else!!
>>>>>>
>>>>>>~jane~
>>>>
>>>>yeah- you're definately right!! ive been noticing
>>that
>>>>too-- that we're in the same leaky boat! my mom says
>>>>it's common for the age we're at but who knows? i've
>>>>been told that 18-23 is that whole shitty
>>>>"transitional" part of life....agh. the way i feel
>is
>>>>i'm never gonna snap out of it.....what you
>mentioned
>>>>about the anxiety is totally true- how can you enjoy
>>>>life if you can barely leave the house, afraid of
>>>>getting an anxiety attack? i'm with you 100%....have
>>>>you ever tried any sort of therapy for your anxiety
>>or
>>>>are you in now? i havent tried (not for anxiety) but
>>>>i'm going next week and am a little
>nervous.....maybe
>>>>you should try to talk to someone? if it's really
>>>>bothering you that is....maybe find someone you can
>>>>trust...the way i see it, there's gotta be another
>>>>solution besides meds! i've even been looking into a
>>>>partial hospitalization program, it's from like 9am
>>to
>>>>3pm and there's groups for EDs there too! maybe
>there
>>>>is some outpatient stuff in your area (EDs
>,etc.etc.)
>>>>cause this stuff isnt anything you should be going
>>>>through alone, you know?? well, in any case, i hope
>>we
>>>>BOTH start feeling better soon....thank you for all
>>>>the support! and hang in there,for better
>>>>days=)hopefully they will come to you soon
>>>>love,
>>>>~jane~
>>
>>lara,
>>sounds like you're definately having trouble trusting
>>the "professionals"- which is understandable!! that's
>>a lot of history you have there- i'm just glad you
>>made it out alive :o! i've been in therapy since age
>>13 as well...it helped a little but not as much as i
>>hoped- i saw the same therapist for 4 years- and she
>>had the same habit of talking about her kids!!!!! lol,
>>it's like "okay you're fucked up but let me talk about
>>my perfect kids!" i'm still dealing with a lot of
>>things from my past- basically just not trusting
>>adults so i'm with you there. i was in residental
>>treatments and foster homes so am still dealing with
>>all those angers....we definately have more in common
>>than i thought! including all of the same diagnoses!!
>>well anyways, my e-mail address is comared85@yahoo.com
>>if you ever need to talk-- and i really hope you can
>>find a therapist you like!!! i have a feeling you will
>>find the help you need- sometimes the quest can take
>>years!
>>
>>~jane~ =)
>
>
>i think the key is to find a therapist who is really
>really really dedicated to helping YOU! my old
>therapist used to just let me change the subject all
>the time and dance around certain issues.....this made
>me feel like she didn't care whether i solved them or
>not....my definiton of a good therapist is someone who
>absolutey is unconditionally devoted to helping you
>feel better.....i have not found this yet, either, but
>am still looking! ;)
>
>~jane~
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