| Subject: Re: lara |
Author:
bittersweet
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Date Posted: 16:11:08 09/19/04 Sun
In reply to:
lara
's message, "Jane..." on 15:36:44 09/19/04 Sun
>Jane--
>
>I've been in and out of therapy since I was 13/14 for
>ANA, BDD, depression, and cutting. It's pathheticly
>depressing, but I have seen more than 16 therapists...
>I never got much out of therapy, but I did meet some
>amazing people–people I will never forget. I made some
>REAL friends in the hospital settings. (Beckie being
>one of them.) The therapists and MDs on the other hand
>really didn't know what they were doing, some made it
>worse, and then I was shuffled around again. Therapy
>never went anywhere; The subject would be changed from
>me to something else, and we ended up talking about
>the shrinks kids... I already knew that it was my
>family life and the neglect/abuse I was dealt as a
>child/adolescence that scarred me. I just didn't know
>how I could escape it and neither did they, so they
>passed me off as hopeless. I also saw a nutritionist
>for a while. She was great, but she didn't help me
>with my ed...
>
>I was hospitalized twice, shipped off into an
>intensive inpatient program for a number of months: I
>had gotten down to 68lbs and I'm 5'4. I also did the
>outpatient speal, group therapy, after the first
>hospitalization and again last year. During that time,
>my ANA, anxiety, OCD, and depression got worse. The
>OCD and anxiety were diagnosed my Junior year of
>highschool just after my osteoporosis and heart
>problems came to light. I never sought therapy
>specifically for the anxiety; maybe I should. It's
>just that everything seems far to complex, and I have
>had too many bad experiences with the "professionals"
>when I was a minor, with their cry for meds, which
>again made things worse...
>
>Still, I do believe that therapy, talking about
>everything, is the only way to find a way out of this
>mess of a life I/we are currently in...
>It's just that it hasn't helped me yet...
>
>love you much
>take care
>lara
>
>
> >>Not just this thread, but a lot of the feelings you
>>>and I have talked about on this forum seem very much
>>>alike...
>>>I do think that it is my anxiety that keeps me
>>>literally hiding from the world and in such pain. I
>>>feel that I find myself "depressed" because of my
>>>anxiety surrounding social situations–failling to
>meet
>>>others expectation, not being good enough, etc.
>>>I issolate myself to try to avoid the anxiety, which
>>>only leads to self-disgust and mental torture, OCD
>and
>>>Depression, ana and the feeling that I am failing at
>>>life, that I am falling apart... I do think that it
>is
>>>my anxiety that keeps me locked in the cycle. I feel
>>>that if I could only break through that wall, "life"
>>>would become much easier.
>>>
>>>forever here for you girl!
>>>lara
>>>
>>>
>>>>>If you dont want to take any meds, dont. I mean
>>>>>consider what professionals tell you but it is your
>>>>>body, and you must make this decision, if you are
>>too
>>>>>afraid and if you believe that the fear alone is
>>>going
>>>>>to make you feel so bad that the benefits dont
>weigh
>>>>>up then dont take the meds.
>>>>>Everybody agreed that I should take medication too,
>>>>>(not anymore but before) I never took them because
>>my
>>>>>family has a history of addiction and I was so
>>>affraid
>>>>>to get addicted that I didnt want to take them. You
>>>>>can do therapy without meds, mostly meds make it
>>>>>easier, especially when you are depressed it is
>hard
>>>>>to keep yourself motivated.
>>>>>You should listen to what YOU want, but take all
>>>>>advises in consideration, listen to all you hear
>and
>>>>>gather all the information then make your choice,
>>and
>>>>>remember, you can always come back on it and change
>>>>>the course you chose. It is your body and you get
>to
>>>>>decide what you will take. just make sure that your
>>>>>fears are realistic, get all the info you can.
>>>>
>>>>thank you everyone!! i must admit, i'm very relieved
>>>>now, especially to hear that you all have the same
>>>>point of view i do about meds....it's not exactly
>>like
>>>>i'm being pressured deliberatly...it's just that
>>>>everyone is strongly suggesting i take them....which
>>>>is pressure enough in my head....i want to thank you
>>>>all again, now i can get some rest. the thought of
>>>>meds freaks me out so much i havent been sleeping.
>id
>>>>like to thank lara especially, seems like you went
>>>>through a lot of shit with medication- i was put on
>>>>zoloft and wellbutrin as well ,a few years ago, the
>>>>zoloft didnt help at all and wellbutrin almost gave
>>me
>>>>a heart attack!! so i'm glad you didnt wind up
>taking
>>>>wellbutrin...also, lara, do you feel like your
>>anxiety
>>>>is what's making you so depressed in the first
>place?
>>>>thats what i think in my case (although my dr
>>>>disagrees) he thinks that if i werent depressed i
>>>>wouldnt be anxious, but i think it's the other way
>>>>around....just curious to hear more about your
>>>>situation, cause it sounds almost identical to mine
>>>>(OCD and stuff) thanks lara and everyone else!!
>>>>
>>>>~jane~
>>
>>yeah- you're definately right!! ive been noticing that
>>too-- that we're in the same leaky boat! my mom says
>>it's common for the age we're at but who knows? i've
>>been told that 18-23 is that whole shitty
>>"transitional" part of life....agh. the way i feel is
>>i'm never gonna snap out of it.....what you mentioned
>>about the anxiety is totally true- how can you enjoy
>>life if you can barely leave the house, afraid of
>>getting an anxiety attack? i'm with you 100%....have
>>you ever tried any sort of therapy for your anxiety or
>>are you in now? i havent tried (not for anxiety) but
>>i'm going next week and am a little nervous.....maybe
>>you should try to talk to someone? if it's really
>>bothering you that is....maybe find someone you can
>>trust...the way i see it, there's gotta be another
>>solution besides meds! i've even been looking into a
>>partial hospitalization program, it's from like 9am to
>>3pm and there's groups for EDs there too! maybe there
>>is some outpatient stuff in your area (EDs ,etc.etc.)
>>cause this stuff isnt anything you should be going
>>through alone, you know?? well, in any case, i hope we
>>BOTH start feeling better soon....thank you for all
>>the support! and hang in there,for better
>>days=)hopefully they will come to you soon
>>love,
>>~jane~
lara,
sounds like you're definately having trouble trusting the "professionals"- which is understandable!! that's a lot of history you have there- i'm just glad you made it out alive :o! i've been in therapy since age 13 as well...it helped a little but not as much as i hoped- i saw the same therapist for 4 years- and she had the same habit of talking about her kids!!!!! lol, it's like "okay you're fucked up but let me talk about my perfect kids!" i'm still dealing with a lot of things from my past- basically just not trusting adults so i'm with you there. i was in residental treatments and foster homes so am still dealing with all those angers....we definately have more in common than i thought! including all of the same diagnoses!! well anyways, my e-mail address is comared85@yahoo.com if you ever need to talk-- and i really hope you can find a therapist you like!!! i have a feeling you will find the help you need- sometimes the quest can take years!
~jane~ =)
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