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Date Posted: 18:46:17 03/05/01 Mon
Author: LMS
Subject: Anguish- Part Two

Anguish- Part Two


He didn’t know where he was going, and it didn’t really matter. He just needed to forget. Forget her, forget what he
saw, forget their love. It seemed impossible an impossible task. He felt angry and hurt. But mostly he felt foolish
because he had actually thought he could just ride in on his white horse, tell her he was sorry, and sweep her off her
feet. He should have known that she would move on with her life after he had left her so abruptly. But he honestly
thought their love was strong enough to withstand the separation while he came to terms with his actions over the past
year. He knew his love was strong enough. He knew the moment he saw her. He loved her even more than he had
the day he left. But her love for him obviously wasn’t as strong and the minute she was alone, she ran right back into
to her ex-husband’s arms.

Mike continued to walk and found himself in the park near the bench he and Carrie used to always meet at. God, it all
seemed like such a long time ago. So much had happened between them since those days before Carrie married
Austin. Mike sat down on the bench, his mind filling with the memory of Carrie finally telling him she loved him.

“Mike, I need you to stay with me. It’s time that we both admit the truth, especially me. And the truth
is……….I love you.”

The moment he had heard those words from her lips, complete joy washed over him. He had waited so long to hear
her speak those three simple words. Those three simple words meant the world to him because they finally released
him from his prison. The kiss that followed was sweet and tender, full of love.

“I can’t believe you said that.”

“It’s true. God forgive me, but it’s true. I..I love you.”

“And I love you.”

Mike stared off into space as a single tear escaped his eye. Those memories seemed like a lifetime ago. He was
startled by a familiar voice.

“Mike? Mike, you okay?” Lexie put her arm on Mike’s shoulder.

“What?” Her touch brought him back to the present. “Oh, hey Lex. What are you doing out here?”

“I’m taking a break from Craig. He hasn’t made my life very pleasurable lately.” Lexie sat down next to Mike and
took a good look. “What happened Mike? You look like you lost your best friend.”

Mike looked at Lexie. “I did.”

“What do you mean? I thought you were on your way to see Carrie. Did you talk to her?”

“Not exactly. I went to her apartment and she wasn’t there. So I headed up to the roof because sometimes she likes
to go up there and think.”

“So was she up there?”

“Yeah, she was.”

“And?”

“And, she was with Austin.”

“What?”

Mike looked at Lexie, who saw the pain resonating in Mike’s eyes. His voice lowered as he fought his sadness. “She
was with Austin. More specifically, she was in his arms and they said that they would always love each other and that
was the way it should be. It’s over Lex. It’s over before it really ever began.”

**************************************

Carrie walked through the park like a woman possessed. If she were a betting woman, she would stake all her money
that he would be here. Her heart ached at the thoughts that must be going through his head. She approached the
archway that led to their bench. She smiled. Happy thoughts of her and Mike filled her mind. It had always been their
bench, even when they weren’t really together. As she went under the archway, she heard his voice, sounding full of
pain, and then she recognized the woman’s voice as well. She stopped and saw the back of Mike’s head. Lexie was
sitting on the bench next to him with her arm around his shoulder. She knew she shouldn’t eavesdrop, but she couldn’t
help it.

*************************************

Lexie sighed. “I’m so sorry Mike. I know how much you love Carrie.”

Mike stood up. “It doesn’t really matter how much I love her. Obviously, it wasn’t enough to keep her from running
back to Austin when I left.”

“Mike, I don’t think Carrie ran back to Austin. Are you sure you heard them right?”

“I’m sure Lex. I can’t blame her. It’s my own fault. I’m the one who left her, and I didn’t write or call. She probably
just gave up on us.”

Lexie was quiet for a moment.

“What are you thinking Lex?”

“Well, I was just wondering, why exactly did you leave Mike?”

Mike sighed. “Actually it was my grandmother who convinced me to leave the day after I almost got killed because of
Ali.”

“Alice asked you to leave?”

“Yeah. After the accident, she thought I needed to gain some perspective and reevaluate my life, you know with
everything that happened with Ali and Carrie and the lawsuit. She said I was given a second chance at life and I
shouldn’t blow it. Lexie, I had made some really bad decisions over the last 2 years and even though they were in the
name of love, a lot of people got hurt, namely Carrie, and she was the person I was trying to protect.”

“But, Mike, we all make bad decisions.”

“Yeah, I know, and we all have to deal with the consequences of our actions. I just needed to get away by myself to
deal with all the pain I caused. I mean I made one bad decision after another. I was dishonest with myself, and how I
felt or I guess I should say how I didn’t feel about Ali, and I even lied to Ali. I certainly made her think we had a
future by sleeping with her. I knew I could never love anyone but Carrie. Lexie, I mean, I even lied to Carrie. I didn’t
tell her I loved her before she married Austin and then I denied it when she asked me about it. I lied to her about my
relationship with Ali and the lawsuit. It seems like all I was doing was lying. That’s not who I am, and it certainly
wasn’t who I wanted to be. I needed to figure out how to get back to being honest. How could I ever expect Carrie
to love me or respect me if I didn’t love or respect who I was as a person anymore? For God’s sake’s Lex, I fell in
love with another man’s wife. Hell, I slept with another man’s wife. Why on earth would Carrie even want to build a
life with a man like that? I didn’t feel our relationship could ever survive until we healed from all that dishonesty. I just
wasn’t happy with who I had become and I felt like I had nothing to offer Carrie anymore.”

“Wow, Mike. I never realized how torn apart you really were.”

“I didn’t really realize it either, until I stood back and really looked at what I had done.”

“I guess you have a lot of regrets then, huh?”

“Yeah, some. But I think I’ve finally come to terms with them. That’s why I came home. Don’t get me wrong. I will
never regret loving her. I just wish I had been honest from the beginning about my feelings before she married Austin.
Maybe none of this would have happened.”

“So where does that leave you know?”

Mike sat back down on the bench. “Well, considering that Carrie is back with Austin, I guess I’ll just go back to
Israel to be with my son, start over. I know I can’t stay in Salem if they’re together. It would be too hard for me.”

“Mike, after everything you’ve two have been through, don’t you at least owe it to Carrie to talk to her about this?
Sounds to me like you’re just making another noble sacrifice. Didn’t you tell me you’d never give up on Carrie if you
had the chance.”

“I did say that, Lexie and I meant it. But that night at Green Mountain Lodge when Carrie told me she loved me, I
made her a promise that whatever decision she made about who she wanted to be with, I would respect that. I only
wanted her to be happy and that still hasn’t changed Lex. Don’t you see? If I say anything to her now, it will only put
us back into the vicious cycle all over again. She made her decision and she wants to be with Austin, not me. I
won’t…I can’t go through anything like this again. I can’t. I just have to move on….somehow.” Tears slowly escaped
the corners of Mike’s eyes. Lexie couldn’t stand to see her friend in so much pain and she pulled him into a hug.

“Oh, Mike. I just wish there was something I could do.”

Mike smiled at her and wiped his eyes. “Thanks, Lex. But there’s nothing anyone can do.” Just then Lexie’s beeper
went off.

“Oh, geesh.. It’s Craig. I got to go back to the hospital.” She gave Mike another hug. “ You gonna be okay?”

“Honestly? …I’m not really sure.”

Lexie didn’t know what to say. “Well, you call me if you need me, day or night, okay?”

Mike was staring out into the park, lost in his heartbreak. “yeah…okay.”


*********************************************

Carrie was overcome with emotion as she heard Mike’s confession of the hell he had been going through. She
honestly had never thought about what his actions had done to him emotionally. The confusion he felt from the whole
ordeal and the fact that he didn’t even respect himself any longer. She had to talk to him, tell him it was okay, that she
loved him. But first she needed to get herself together before facing him. She pulled a tissue out of her purse and
wiped the tears from her eyes and put the tissue back in her purse. Her fingers brushed over the ring box that Mike
had dropped earlier. She took a deep breath and proceeded to walk through the archway towards the park bench.
But he was gone. Carrie panicked. Where had he gone? She had only turned her back for a few seconds. He
couldn’t be that far ahead, so she headed towards the playground hoping he might be there.

TBC

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