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Date Posted: 18:31:20 03/05/01 Mon
Author: LaTwigg
Subject: Adieu, Adios, Au Revoir Ch 11-15



chapter eleven
As she watched him sleep she wondered how he could possibly be as comfortable as he looked, awkwardly
sprawled out in the chair. ALyssia had come off the vent to Mike finally allowed himself to close his eyes. That was
Mike through and through, always taking care of everyone elsebefore paying any attention to himself. Carrie was
enjoying the luxury of watching him. This was the first time she'd seen him sleep, well except for his hospitalization
after the accident. In Vegas there had been no time to fall asleep or wake up in each other's arms. Austin had shown
up too soonand robbed them of that. Mike, on the other hand, must have had the opportunity often enough whenever
he had conforted her and been there for her but after she fell asleep he always left. After he'd gone to Isreal she'd
started thinking about the little things like that, all the things they didn't do, all the things she didn't say. She'd never told
him that she didn't regret LasVegas, that she wasn't sorry for falling in love with him. She wished he knew that.
She was almost surprised by how peaceful Mike looked at that moment. For as long as she'd known him he had
always been concerned about someone and she's always figured him to be a restless sleeper. She hoped he wouldn't
wake up too soon. She knew that once he did they would have to talk seriously about what was going to happen with
them. He probably had a girlfriend waiting for him and she couldn't ask him to change all his plans based on that one
night. As much as she wanted to be with him, Mike had probably moved on with his lfe and she couldn't, she wouldn't
have him stay out of obligation. He would if she asked but she loved him too much to do that to him.
Mike was having a dream. It was the same dream he'd been having every night for over two years. He and Carrie are
living in a beautiful, victorian-style house out in the countryside. The front doors open into a a foyer with two stone
stauteson either side of an oriental rug. Descending majestically downto the rug is a spiral oak staircase. The living
room houses designer couchesand chairs. On the table in fromt of them is a crystal bowl filled with potpourri. The
family room is less pristene, with an easy chair and books and papers scattered here and there. On one side of the
room is a door into the playroom. On the other side of the door lies utter chaos. Dolls and crayons and blocks and
every other kind of toy carpet the floor. Guests find themselves at home in the kitchen and dining room since each as a
table with lotsof room and the pantry is filled with all sorts of goodies. Mike's favorite room in the house is the master
bedroom. He and Carrie have a king-sized bed with red-satin sheets, like the ones in his Vegas hotel room. Candles
are everywhere, to provided ambiance when it is desired.
What he loves best are the pictures on the walls. Photographs are everywhere. In the main hall, hangs their wedding
portrait; in it they are blissfully happy. Carrie opted for a dress with silver accents; she didn't feel quite right wearing
white. In each room, with the exception of the bathroom, are photos are their three children. Annie is the oldest at ten
years old. She has Carrie's eyes with Mike's smile. Laurie is seven and has Mike's intense blue eyes. The baby of the
family is Thomas who is a carbon copy of his father. Naturally, all of them have blond hair. In his dream he and Carrie
are happily married and as much in love as ever but it is a bittersweet dream because he lost all hope of it ever coming
true.
"Hi Carrie! I thought I"d find you here. Is Mike sleeping?"
"Out like a light so we'd better go somewhere else to talk."
"I cannot believe Mike Horton is sleeping! I've barely seen him blink since he got back to Salem."
"I know. Ie's been really worried about Alyssia but he's trying so hard to be there for me that he refuses to show how
exhausted he is. I almost hope he doesn't wake up for a while."
"Why not?"
"No reason reall, I just don't want him to wear himself thin."
"You sure there's nothing else Carrie? You know you can tell me anything."
"I know I can but I'm sure."
"So you'r eokay?"
"Now that I know Alyssia will be all right I'm better than okay."
Lexie's beeper goes off. "I'm needed in the ER. I'll see you later Carrie."
"Bye Lexie."
Once Lexie leaves Carrie buries her face in her hands. "If I told you what I was planning to do Lexie you would talk
me out of it and I have to do this. I don't have a choice."

CHAPTER TWELVE
When Carrie re-entered the room she found Mike strirring a bit in his position on the chair. She suddenly felt herself
become filled with dread. She hoped he was dreaming of her because once he woke he would hate her, if not then
that he would end up hating her after not too much time. She hated to do this, knowing that it would not only break his
heart but also her own. However, she was convinced that this was for the best. She only hoped that one day they
would be best friends again.
Mike opens his eyes and sits straight up in bed. "How long was I asleep?"
"I don't know, a couple hours. You needed it."
"Alissia...she's still okay right?"
"Yeah. Mike, the shadow has passed; we're in the clear. Actually, I sort of wanted to talk to you about that..."
"Well let me say what I have to say first. I really need to get this off my chest. Carrie, I've been thinking... a lot and I
realize that I don't want to live without you, not ever again. I want us to be together. I want us to raise Alissia together
and any other children we may have in the future. My world is empty without you in it. Marry me Carrie. Let's have
the future we wanted, the one we can still have. Please Carrie, be my wife. I love you."
"You're not making this easy Mike."
"What do you mean? What am I not making easy?"
"Just let me finish and you'll know what I'm talking about. Please don't interrupt Mike or I'll lose my nerve."
"Okay, I'm listening."
"I can't marry you Mike."
"Why not? I...I don't understand."
"Just be patient and let me tell you. Look Mike, I can't marry you because I don't love you. In fact I never did love
you. You were just someone for me to turn to when Austin was less than a picture-perfect husband. I knew that you
loved me so I took advantage of that whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on. You were always there and I liked that
but it wasn't love. I led you on because I wanted you to always be there for me and I liked how it felt to be loved by
you. I'm sorry but I only pretended to return your feelings because I was tired of being alone."
"No! I know that's not true Carrie. What we shared in Las Vegas, all the other moments we had together... You
couldn't have pretended that. Maybe your feelings have changed now but I will NEVER believe that you never loved
me. You did Carrie...I know you did."
"No, I didn't. That's what I'm telling you Mike, whether you want to believe it or not. I am not the perfect woman you
thought I was. I manipulated you in a way that would make even Sami proud. I can't continue with this anymore. I
can't have yo give up your new life when I can never give you the love you deserve. Go Mike. Go back to Isreal.
That's where you belong now. Not here, not with me. Let go of your
fantasy of a life with me. Maybe then you can find someone who can love you like you should be loved. I'm sorry
Mike. I am so so sorry for hurting you but all I can do now is keep you from making another mistake by committing
to me."
"Fine Carrie! If that's the way you're going to play fine; I'll go by your script. But I know the truth and that is that you
do love me. I don't know what had got you thinking this way but one day you will realize just how strong your feelings
for me are but I won't be there. You got that Carrie?! One I walk out that door I'm not coming back this time. If I go
now it will be for good and when you live to regret this day it will be too late. So think Carrie, think really, really hard.
Is this what you want?"
"Yes Mike, this is what I want. Now go!"
"Okay. But I want you to send me pictures of Alissia. I never want to see you again but I don't want her to become a
stranger."
"Sure Mike. Goodbye and I'm sorry."
"Yeah, whatever. Goodbye Carrie."
He walked out the door and slammed it shut. Once she heard his footsteps walking away the tears began streaming
down her face. It was much like the last time she's had that sort of conversation with him, the last time he'd walked
out of her life. But this time there had been no promise to return, no until next time. She believed him when he said that
it would be forever and the idea of never seeing him again crushed her.
"Oh Mike, I wish it didn't have to be like this but I really had no choice. I know you hate me now but I hope that
someday, somewhere in your heart you'll know that I do love you and I always will."

CHAPTER THIRTEEN
From the moment he walked away from her all she had wanted to do was run after him and tell him it was all a big
mistake. All she could think about was throwing herself into his arms where she belonged and telling him that she lied,
that she really did love him. If she had had any doubts before it was cnow crystal clear that her world would be empty
without him in it. At least the last time he had left her with some hope that he would come back for her one day. That
hope was what had kept her going and he had returned. But what had she done? SHe had turned him away and
worse yet, she had made him hate he so now he would probably never set foot in Salem ever again. Now she had lost
not only her soulmate but her very best friend. What did the world hold for her except emptiness?

Mike was pacing so hard that Laura feared he might walk right though the door. She could only assume that Carrie
had not responded well when Mike proposed to her like he had planned to. She ached for him. She knew better than
most people how strong and lasting her son's love was for Carrie. It had to be so hard on him for her to reject him
once again. She hated Carrie Reed or Brady whatever she was calling herself these days. She wanted to strangle that
woman for breaking her son's heart time and time again. Mostly she was just frustrated that there wasn't a thing she
could do to alleviate Mike's pain. The last time he lost Carrie it had destroyed him. Work became the only thing he
got out of bed for and he retreated from his family. Now she feared he would shut himself out completely. The affair
had left him with only a shadow of his former career. What would he do now without the hope of one day being with
Carrie? Laura didn't think she wanted to know. Her thoughts were interrupted by her son coming crashing down the
stairs. He kissed her briefly and ran out the door. Seconds later she heard his car screaming out of the driveway.
"Oh Micheal, I hope whatever made you leave here in such a hurry was good news. I'm afraid for you my son, so
very afraid."

It was anything but good news. It wasn't news at all. Mike had simply come to a decision that he could not remain in
Salem for another minute. There were too many ghosts of his less than happy past and he wanted to escape them all.
He hoped if he could get away from everyone and everything he'd ever known that eventually he would forget them,
along with the pain they had brought him. He wanted to erase his entire past and start over. And more than anything
else he never wanted to hear the name Carrie Brady or Reed ever again.
"A very good idea Horton but where were you planning on going?" He said to himself. "Just drive. It doesn't really
matter where, just drive far far away."

Ch 14

How many times can you say goodbye
Before every tear you have has been cried
How long will it be before the last straw
After all your wounds have been rubbed raw
There's only so much one person can take
Before their very heart begins to break
How many words does it take to shatter a dream
How many lies before you start to believe
How many times can you say goodbye
Before your soul dies.

Laura came to the hospital in search of her son. Instead she found Carrie sobbing at Alissia's side. Mike was nowhere
to be found.

"Carrie, what's wrong? Did something happen to Alissia?"

"Non, no, she's getting better all the time."

"Then it's Mike. He stormed out of the house tonight. I thought maybe you knew why."

"I do. It's my fault Laura, I'm sorry. I broke his heart yet again and I assume that he's left Salem again, this time for
good."

"But why? Why did you break his heart?"

"I don't know... I didn't believe he could love me forever. I hurt him and I didn't think he could ever get over that
hurt."

"But he's stubborn as an ox. How did you make him give up so easily?"

"I uh, I said I only pretended to love him. Oh Laura, I must have ripped his heart out and stomped all over it because
that's exactly what I did to my own."

"Then why did you do it?"

"Because he came back to help Alissia and I don't want to tie him to a life he no longer wants."

"But he does want it. Before he even knew about your child he called me and told me he was thinking of coming back
for you. He wantd to ask you to live with him in Isreal."

"No...no," her voice quivered as she spoke. "That would mean that--"

"That you broke both your hearts for nothing. Next time think it over a bit more."

"I know. Do you have any idea where Mike may have gone? I have to find him."

"I'm sorry Carrie; I don't know."

"Then I guess I better start looking."

"Good luck Carrie."

-----------------

She would need it. It was pouring rain outside, and most sensible people had opted to stay home. But Mike was out
of his senses. He wanted to get away from his pain as fast as he could and it didn't matter where. His vision was
blurred by the rain and his own tears; he looked at the road in fromt of him without seeing it. It's no wonder he also
didn't see the slippery patch until his car was already spinning like a top.

------------------

Carrie had gone with her gut and taken the route to L.A. Something told her that's where he went. That was where
she would have gone. She could feel that she was headed in the right direction and she was getting closer.

"Well Mike, when I find you, if I find you, I'm going to throw myself at you and never let go ever again. This is the last
time we'll be apart and definitely the last time I'll let my fear and pride stand between us. This is for us Mike, and our
future. Together this time."

She noticed lights flashing ahead and slowed down. As she approached she saw a car crumpled around a tree.
Normally she didn't normally stop but tonight she felt compelled to do just that. What she saw would utterly crush her
very soul. The car that looked like no one could have escaped from it was a red corvettee with a convertible top,
exactly like the one Mike drove and even before she red the licenseplate she knew. She had found him.

Ch 15
They wouldn't let her see him. How could they not let her see him? Did they not understand that her entire life was
lying on a gurney behind those doors. How could they not know that he was the reason she breathed, the only reason
she had to even exist. If he should leave this world, heaven forbid, then she would leave it too. True, she had pushed
him out of her life and probably right into that horrible accident but this hadn't been her intention. She had never meant
for it to be forever. No, when she had told him to exit from her life she certainly hadn't meant this.

He was dreaming again, only this time it was by no means a happy dream. It was how he'd often pictured his future,
during those horrible months when Carrie was either pining after or married to Austin. He was alone, no matter where
he was he was always alone. Nothing could make him happy, not his family not his career. He had become a hermit,
one of those crazy weirdos who live in the woods. The ones with long beards that kids tell scary stories about, the
town kook. Without Carrie in his life, without her love, without being able to love her, he couldn't live, didn't want to.
For this and other reasons he didn't even try to live, didn't fight. Why fight when there was nothing left to fight for.
Sure there was Alyssia but she would probably never know him; he'd just be the absentee father she'd never met. He
couldn't do it again; he couldn't have another child who was a stranger to him. he couldn't and he wouldn't do it. So he
laid back and waited for his last breath to leave his body so he could leave the world behind.

Despite his apparent hatred for Mike Horton, Dr. Craig Wesley, CoS of SUH, was worried for his friend. He hated
to admit it but he did not want him to die. Unfortunately it didn't look like there was much he could do to prevent it.
Mike appeared to have given up all together and there is not much you can do to save a patient who does not want to
live. And wouldn't this be just great for PR. The hospital would neer forgive him if he didn't save their beloved Dr.
Horton. For the rest of his career he'd be the one who let the good doctor die. Even if there hadn't been anything he
could do to stop it.

Word of the crash had gotten out and the waiting room was flooded with well family members and other well-wishers.
There was hardly a citizen in Salem who hadn't been touched by this man and they all wanted to help him in whichever
way they could. Laura was sitting back in the corner, Mickey had his arms around her and was trying to comfort her.
She would not be consoled. She wasn't the only one. Alice was trying to remain strong but could not hide her fear for
her favorite grandson (not that you'd ever hear her admit that). Preoccupied with their own worry and grief they didn't
even see carrie, who was curled up in the fetal position away from everyone else. She didn't speak, or even cry. She
felt nothing, only numb. If she were to allow herself to feel even the slightest thing she would break down and she had
to be strong. After all, this was all her fault.

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