| Subject: Re: my "place" at the table |
Author:
lara
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Date Posted: 15:39:43 08/22/05 Mon
In reply to:
bittersweet
's message, "Re: my "place" at the table" on 14:27:20 08/22/05 Mon
Jane,
I'm happy you talked to your mom. I am the same; I don't want to feel forgotten, BUT I don't want to eat with the "family", partially because my father is drunk most of the time, partially because it is my silent protest against this "family" unit, partially because I am just so uncomfortable eating with other people.
How old is your sis? Could you perhaps speak with her as well? I have a lil sis, she is 17, and she is my biggest supporter. I can cry on her shoulder when I need to. I never feel judged by her. Truly she is my best friend. She has gone through a lot herself. She had a brain tumor (an astrocytoma) when she was 4 and has been faced with her own challenges, memory and learning related, as she has grown up. I have often felt, and still do feel, that I have failed as a big sister. I wish I could be that strong older sister, a strong role model for her to look to. She is a little bit on the heavier side and I admire her for her confidence and acceptance of self. I wish I could model that for her like she has modeled that for me.
xo
Lara
ps- Please don't sacrafice your health for weightloss. You don't want to screw up your metabolism anymore than you have. Try to get that protein in, ok? I'm seeing my nutritionist tomorrow, I'll write you with the details...
>>Hi,
>>
>>I fully understand that you feel completely denied (is
>>that the right word) and that you feel like there is
>>no room for you at the family table.
>>Ofcourse i cannot look into your mothers head but
>>maybe it is so that your mom cannot understand what to
>>do with you. She might really not know how to handle
>>your ed, she probably did not forget about you but
>>just doesnt know what to do with you. It is really
>>hard for people to understand ed's when they dont have
>>one. She might have heard that she shouldnt force you
>>to eat because that only makes it worse and she might
>>have figured that this is the best way to do this.
>>Your mom is probably very worried about you, she might
>>not be able to deal with the fact that you say no to
>>food and does not want to be confronted with it. In
>>most parents opinion, they cannot stand there and
>>watch their kid fade away.
>>I understand you feel bad but the only way to solve
>>this is to talk about it. Do not blame your mom but
>>you can tell her how you feel. She might get defensive
>>but if she does it is only because she cares.
>>What I do and what really works for me is: I sit at
>>the table every night with my hub. Even if I dont eat,
>>I do not have to eat, there is no pressure, but I do
>>have to sit there with a plate in front of me and I
>>have to try. If it doesnt work its okay too, but I am
>>at the table. Maybe you can try to make a similar
>deal.
>>
>>With this story I am definately not saying your mom is
>>right, because this is obviously not good for you, and
>>I completely understand that you feel horrible about
>>it. But I dont believe your mom does this to hurt you,
>>I think she is completely lost and feels totally
>>helpless while she does not want you to get hurt or
>>die.
>>
>>I really hope you can solve this.
>>
>>Chocolate
>
>
>thanks chocolate, i definately understand what you're
>saying and it's hard for me to see her point of view
>very well because i dont have kids of my own, i could
>imagine it must not be pleasant...last night i was in
>such a horrible cranky mood and had not eaten for a
>long time which made it worse
>
>i did talk to her about it, which was hard. she says
>she's trying to be better about it, but last night she
>slipped up. you were right, she doesn't like the
>confrontation of me saying no. we did reach an
>agreement. my problem is i absoulutely HATE sitting at
>the dinner table, even when i do eat dinner i usually
>take it into my room, alone. (mostly because my sister
>makes comments about me picking at my food and eating
>strangely) So we've decided that she'll set me a
>plate, no matter what. what i decide to do with it is
>up to me....so i think the plan works, at least it
>doesn't leave me out
>
>thanks again choco
>~jane~
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