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Date Posted: 11:12:18 05/12/03 Mon
Author: asdf
Subject: asdfa

Harm looked at the invitation in his hand as he entered the Harmyville Memorial Theatre. He had been invited to a special Talent Show in honor of Cecilia's Birthday. He was used to spending birthday's with the HB women and while he KNEW first hand that they were a talented bunch—It wasn't exactly the kind of talent that belonged on a stage…

Warily, he walked into the theater and was amazed at all the vendor booths that filled the lobby. He noticed Cindy B's Legs—frantic women were crowded around the booth buying the precious legs as fast as a frazzled Cindy B could sew and stuff them. Crossy's Party Palz- he blushed at some of the memories those brought back and hurried past before anyone noticed him. manette's Meat Tray and Plaster Palace- aaaahhhh good times, he sighed on his way past the bustling crowd.

He hurried into the darkened auditorium, wanting to get a good seat and he found one waiting for him right beside the birthday girl, Cecilia. Grabbing her hand he settled in to wait for the show to begin. This should be different…

Suddenly a spotlight hit the stage, a hush fell over the murmuring crowd, and judi walked out from behind the curtain. She approached the microphone—"In honor of Cecilia's birthday, I would like to welcome you all to the first annual Harmyhoard Board Talent Show!" (Thunderous applause –Stamping feet—WOOOO HOOOOO)

"For our first act I give you the Harmyboard Chorus!!!"

The curtain opened to reveal a mob of motley women—some with bags over their heads standing on risers. Old Spice stepped forward and waved to the crowd, then turned and raised her hands to lead the group in song. "We love you HARMY…Oh yes we DOOO."

Out in the audience Cece leaned over to Harm and whispered—I see Jbird,CQ, Spud, Claudia, Emjay, Techie and Ashke, but I don't recognize some of those other women do you?"

Harm, who was a master at juggling lots of women told her quickly and quietly so as not to interfere with the performance, "That is jersey girl, Rita B, Araninda, Vivienne, Lindy S, Aims, Carmy, Carol D, Caroll, Alicia, LRM. Aerogirl," he paused to take a deep breath. "Jaggar, Kathy, kay, Bookworm Girl, Josie, docphil, Brenda, Gracie, Amanda Adams, Dragon, DJEgirl, Sarah S, Katerina, Beth, andie, sydney possem Shipper Mom, Erin and Rachel…"

"WE love you HARMY and we'll be TRUUE."

"Wow, Harm- you really know your Harmyboarders, but who are the ones with the bags over their heads?" Cece asked as she batted her eyes at Harm coyly.

"Oh, those are the lurkers," Harm said with a grin. Suddenly his beeper went off . He read the message and said, "Excuse me, Cece. It seems I am needed backstage….but I'll be back, my little birthday girl.." He ran his thumb across her cheek—as he was won't to do—and disappeared. On stage the choir was finishing their number.

"When you're not with us –WE"RE BLUE!!!!! Oh Harmy- WE love YOU!!!! Oh and Happy Birthday to Cece…and many mooooooooooore"!!!

Old Spice and the choir took a bow then ran off the stage.

Meanwhile backstage Michelle was excitedly speaking with Judi."So, Michy --- where’s your entry for Cece’s birthday talent show? We’re about to go on!"

“Here ya go, Judi!” Michelle grinned shoving a script in her hands.

[as judi reads an increasing look of horror appears on her face!] GACK!

"MICHELLE!!!!"

What?

sputtering]: "I can’t let you do THIS!"

"Why not?"

"It’s …..it’s ……"

"What?"

"Disgusting!"

"It is not! What do you mean? Where? I am… well.. I am just HIGHLY offended.. and.. and.. SURPRISED! You WOUND me, Judi!"

"Come on, Michelle! You & Harm – O.K. Even you in the cowgirl outfit and Harm in just the chaps – O.K. But the COW? VOY would shut down our ceremoany.. not to mention my Board!"

"Oh, you’re just being a prude!" Michelle was incensed.

"I am not!"

"Oh yes you are! And here I thought it was YOU who put the “D” in RDOL! HA! You’re a big fraud!"

Judi is speechless..

"Alright alright …… how about I take out the cow?"

"Oh good! .. and the flying monkeys!"

"Take out the Flying Monkeys TOO??????? You’ll ruin the whole thing!"

"Michelle ……"

"It isn’t even interesting without the flying monkeys!"

"'Interesting' isn’t exactly how I’d characterize it."

"You’re just no fun anymore, judi! Just forget the whole thing."

"Now, Michy …..It’s just that… well.. you know.. Cece is so … cultured… and .. refined.. I don’t think she’d APPRECIATE it like … well… perhaps someone ELSE might."

"I know… It’s just that…it’s ruined without the cow AND the monkeys…."

"I know.. I’m sorry, really …."

"That’s o.k. I understand. Maybe I can use it some other time."

"Sure. Good idea. When?"

"When’s LU’S birthday?????????"

Michelle returned to her seat, sulking and muttering about the Resident Prude Old Lady. As if on cue, Lu frantically ran up. Judi tried to hide, but it was too late. Lu had spotted her.

"judi, I’m glad you’re here. I have a question…

Lu. Please. NO more QUESTIONS! Just.. ask manette,” Judi pleaded, popping two dry aspirins.

Oh.. o.k… but.. I still have a question for you.

Sigh.. what is it?

Why was this cow in my living room this morning?

Oh.. ummm….

I found her there when I woke up!! There was a Dale Evans suit tied around it’s neck, and a note to show up here for Cece’s BD ceremoany. I don’t suppose YOU know anything about that, do you?"



"That’s what I thought. Sigh… Judi.. Can you even comprehend the MESS it made in my living room? There’s not enough cat litter in the Universe to handle something like that. And speaking of cats, mine’s going to need therapy BIG TIME after Princess Poo here played cat box bingo this a.m.!!"

"Uhh.. her name is Princess Moo.." judi said helpfully.

"WHATEVER! Oh.. and just in case you don’t know this already.. I am NOT putting that outfit on." Lu crossed her arms stubbornly.

"But Luoodles!" judi said slyly. "Haven’t your heard? HARM is going to be a cowBOY! And you can be his cowGIRL!"

"What? Are you sure?" asked Lu, instantly becoming more interested.

"Oh absolutely. Now.. I’ve heard that you used to be QUITE the rider in your day! Why don’t you show off some of your stuff from the back of your trusty steed, “Princess Moo.”

"Trusty steed 'Moo'??? The COW?! Oh.. You’ve got to be kidding me. I’m not riding that thing!"

"But Lu! Remember your youth? You know… YEEE HAAWWW and all that. PLUS, you’ll have plenty of time to do all SORTS of tricks. Look how SLOW she moves. It’ll be perfect! And as your last trick you can LEAP from the cow’s back into the waiting arms of Harmkins. Then you and he can ride off into the sunset together! Whatdaya say?!" judi knew how to play Lu like a fiddle.

"I say saddle up that DOGGIE!" Lu screamed as she stripped and threw on the COWgirl outfit.

"Let's here it for the chorus," judi said as she walked back out on stage. "For our next act we have a special treat! Our very own Lu is going to amaze us with trick riding! May I present Luoodles and Princess Moo!!"

The curtain rose and a hush fell over the audience as a cow began to plod across the stage chewing its cud, it's bell clanging.

Michelle looked up in disbelief. Leaping to her feet she began screaming, “That’s MY cow! That woman STOLE my COW!!!” Two security guards discreetly drug her from the audience as judi popped two more Excedrin.

Oblivious of Michy’s disturbance Luoodles waved to the crowd and then stood up on the cow's back, wobbling on one foot as it meandered across the stage. Encouraged by the wide eyed wonder of the crowd she dropped down into the saddle once before lifting herself up on her arms and swinging her legs in mighty circles as the cow looked back at her disinterestedly. Deciding for a big finish, she balanced herself on her head and was halfway up into a headstand when Harmkins rode up on his Mighty Stallion. The crowd went wild at the sight of Harmipoo. Cameras flashed all over the auditorium, startling Miss Moo who abruptly went nuts, galloping around the stage in a mad, desperate attempt to escape the blinding lights. Finally it leapt from the stage and went bawling down the aisle and out onto the street, Lu wrapped around it’s neck like a bandana. The curtain came down on a startled Harm and his horse as judi hurried back out onto the stage.

"Don't worry folks, Lu is fine. Princess Moo spotted Michelle across the parking lot and made a beeline for her…~cough~...ANYWAY…for our next act we have …" judi stopped as a woman, looking kinda like Barbie on steroids, strode across the stage tugging along two little girls clad in “GO NAVY” jammies.

The woman, dressed in a thick, purple spa-type robe, had huge HUGE pink curlers in her thinning hair and some icky looking slime on her face. On her feet were these enormous furry Garfield slippers that scuffed as she walked. In her left hand she carried a massive boom box, like the kind that rappers carry.

“Oh, Harmmmmyyyy!” she sang out, a smile cracking through the junk on her face. “Where are you Harmykins?”

The girls held each other’s hand, with the younger one sucking her thumb and cuddling a blankie and an orange Tigger.

“Mommy’s at it again,” the older one whispered into her sister’s ear, “I can’t believe she’s making us help too.”

The younger one pulled her thumb out of her mouth just long enough to ask her sister, “Is she still sweepin?” then immediately stuck her thumb back into place as she hung onto her Tigger for dear life.

“Yup. She’s sleeping,” the older one said, adding, “I hope she doesn’t sing this time!”

The younger one shuddered and grabbed hold of her sister’s arm crying, “I wanna go home! Where’s Daddy?”

“I dunno,” the older girl said, shrugging her shoulders, “I heard Mommy say something about a closet.”

Amidst the throng of women sat Pretz and CatMom, noticing immediately through the gunk on the woman’s face, that it was CharS.

“Oh . . . My. . . GOSH!” gasped Pretz, “She’s sleepwalking again! And she’s brought the kids this time!”

“THIS could get ugly. Where's Sarahsue? We're gonna need her help,” CatMom whispered.

“Ugly? THAT’s an understatement! I'll go find her. I think she was Lu' s stunt double for the cow act.” Pretz gasped as she hurried away and tried to shield her eyes from the bizarre scene unfolding on the stage in front of the crowd.

CatMom whipped out a cell phone and dialed the local psych ward, “Um, Doctor? We’ve got a problem. You better get your tushy here pronto! Yup, she’s at it again, and bring the stun gun this time!”


Meanwhile up on the stage, CharS had set the boom box down and tugged the hands of her two little girls, bringing them into the center of the stage. She tapped the microphone, causing it to squeal as she shouted into it, “IS THIS THING ON???”

The crowd covered their ears and cringed at the horrendous noise. CatMom tried to sneak backstage, knowing what the crowd was in store for.

“Mememememe!!!!!!!” CharS sung into the mic, then clearing her throat with a loud GACK! She turned around and whispered something to the older child. The girl gingerly stepped forward and set the boom box down at her mother’s feet and then quickly retreated to where her sister stood. Both girls stuck their fingers in their ears and squeezed their eyes shut, trembling.

Cece sat there shocked at what she was seeing. She whispered to Harm, who had returned to his seat and was still wearing his Cowboy outfit much to her delight, “Um, is this part of the show?”

All Harm could do was shake his head no, afraid to open his mouth for fear that the scream building up inside him would let loose!

CharS bent over and pressed play on the box, her bosom nearly tumbling out of nightshirt she wore under the robe, causing the crowd to gasp in horror. She then stood up and grasped the microphone. Pointing out into the audience with her right hand as the music began to swell, she cried out in a loud screeching voice,

“Harmykins, this one’s for you!!!!!!”

She closed her eyes and put her mouth up to the microphone and began to sing—grossly out of tune. Actually, her singing was a lot like fingernails on a chalkboard.

“Soooo many nights. . . . I sit by my window . . . . waiting for someone . . . .”

Somewhere in the back of the auditorium a scream filled the air. As the crowd turned around to see what the commotion was, they saw Dancer and Heather running from the room, covering their ears.

Suddenly, to the right of the stage CatMom, Pretz and Sarahsue appeared with wads of cotton sticking out of their ears. A doctor followed closely behind, a huge stun gun crackling in his left hand and a syringe in his right.

Judi tried to quiet the murmuring crowd as they watched Char being lead away, "It's ok folks--she won't remember any of this when she wakes up!! As I was saying--for our next act we have two lovely sisters who wanted to do something culturally uplifting in honor of our Champion of Culture Cece—so without further ado—I give you Mag and Mary performing a ballet they choreographed themselves—Oh-- just a minute.. I’ve just received word they’re not QUITE ready yet—Umm-- Let me check on them. Be right back, Ladies and Gents.

judi stepped back behind curtain to find Mag and Mary in a heated debate…
"Look, Mary.. There are two sets of tights but only ONE tutu. I get the tutu."
"Oh no you don’t. I’M not being the guy! YOU be the guy."
"I’m not going to be the guy. How embarrassing. YOU be the guy."
"Look. I’m not ABOUT to heft YOU over MY head. YOU be the guy!"
"Are you insinuating I weigh more then you?"
"Look.. I just know what I saw at Easter.. All those empty bags of candy ….”
"What?!"
"I can still smell the chocolate on your breath!"
"Gasp! You can not!"
"Almond Joys!"
"I didn’t TOUCH them"
"Right…. Oh look! Was that a shock tremor in my water glass? Do another plie so I can check".
"Gasp!.... You.. you... BRAT! You were ALWAYS mother’s FAVORITE! … SLAP!"
"OW! Hey! SLAP!"
Suddenly both women fall thru curtain, unaware that they were now on stage….
"Ow! YANK!"
"My HAIR! WITCH!"
"Oooff!"
"Gack!"
judi rolled her eyes, pulled a handle and they both fell through the stage trap door—
Cece turned to apologize to Harm for the outlandish behavior of the two women but he was standing up applauding with gusto. "Nothing like a good cat fight!!" he said as he sat back down beside her. His beeper went off again and before she knew it he had disappeared backstage once more.
As soon as he got backstage manette started chasing Harm around in circles. judi hurried over to see what the commotion was about.
" JUUUDI—Harm won't let me see his BALLS!!! I keep asking him but he's scared." judi looked at manette like she had lost her mind as Harm hurried to cower behind the RDOL. "I keep telling him that I am just going to JUGGLE them with my feet. I can BOUNCE them from my feet to my thighs off my chest and back down to my feet without ever letting them HIT the ground." manette said proudly. "I'm VERY good!! I've had years of practice and I hardly EVER step on them anymore, except when I'm getting started—then I step on a BALL, ROLL it with my foot so that I can FLIP it into the air! I've only SQUASHED two BALLS in the last few days. I even have a trick where I can KICK his BALLS in the air and catch them on the back of my neck and then BOUNCE them back off and CATCH them on my foot again. I mean I could use someone else's BALLS, but since it is Cece's birthday I thought it would be really SPECIAL if I could juggle HARM'S BALLS for her…." He whimpered from behind judi as manette walked over to him and then reached past him and grabbed a soccer ball out of the bag that was sitting on the ground beside him…."I never realized you were such a BABY, Harm!!" manette said as she stomped off in a huff. "So much for the big brave pilot--."

Harm hid behind judi until she had disappeared. "It's ok, Harm. She's gone—you're safe. Now listen, get ready to help Abby with her act—Oh and would you mind grabbing her chain saw on your way onstage?" judi didn't notice his horrified expression as she patted his cheek and hurried out to introduce the next act…The natives were getting restless.

"I give you Abby and her wonderful world of ice sculpture!!"

Abby walked out onto stage dragging a huge hunk of ice behind her. She waved to the crowd and announced—"In honor of Cece's birthday I will now carve an ice sculpture of our very own Harm!! And as a special surprise he has agreed to model for us!!!!"

All of the women in the audience gasped as he stepped out on stage. He was wearing nothing but boxers and a game smile as he handed Abby her chain saw. She revved it up and ice started flying everywhere. The women oohed and ahhed and then started fanning themselves ferociously. The combined power surge of hundreds of female hot flashes soon had the temperature soaring to 110 degrees. Sweat started pouring off of bare chested Harm and the women were swooning at the sight. Abby carved away at the dwindling hunk of ice trying to capture Harmy in all his glory, but soon…. a lonely lump of ice was all that remained unmelted…Desperate to save her act she was suddenly struck by inspiration. She turned to face the audience with a flourish and said, "Ladies—I give you—Harmo Erectus!!!" Thunderous applause erupted even as harmo melted and dripped off the table. Sweaty but bewildered, Harm waved to the hot happy crowd and disappeared backstage.

Judi walked on to the stage and said, "This next act is very special, because one of our very reluctant posters has made a special request. Lauri wants to recite a poem just for Cece."

Lauri walked shyly out onto stage—she walked over to the microphone and dug one toe into the ground as she said demurely…..

"Trees by Joyce Kilmer as recited by Lauri—, Cece!

I think that I shall never see
A poem as lovely as a tre…She suddenly spied Harm who had just retaken his seat beside Cecilia...HARM!!!!

She launched herself off the stage landing in his lap as she continued to recite the poem--

A HARM whose hungry mouth is pressed
Against my sweet and flowing breast

"Lauri—behave yourself!!" Cece tried to pull the woman off of Harm's lap.

A HARM that looks at me all day
And lifts his beefy arms to pick me up and carry me away!!!!!

A HARM that may in Summer wear
His whites or boxers—I don't care

Lauri locked her arms around Harm's neck and held on for dear life.

Upon my bosom he has lain
And licked me like a candy cane

HARM was made for fools like me
And Cece can't have him even if it is her birthday—So get away, you hussy!!!!

Cece, not being one to resort to physical violence, began to pout. "It's my birthday, Harmy…Do something!!"

Harm reached over and ran a thumb across Cece's check- as he was won't to do- then he stood up with Lauri still attached and assured Cecilia that he would be right back.

Meanwhile judi had been dealing with another problem backstage. She had come upon Crossy all upset, sitting in the middle of some really big top hats. "What's going on?"

"Oh, judi-- I don't know WHAT to do. I had Tiner, AJ, Gunny, Webb, Bud and Sturgis all lined up to do the Navel Whistler act and they heard manette was KICKING people in the balls, and they all ran out of here screaming. I don't have TIME to find replacements."

"We'll just have to fill in for them—no one will know the difference—the hats will cover their faces." Judi decided. "Go grab Cathy F, Brigette, Matou, Cindy B and Spud—tell them to get in here on the double."

"All right girls"—she told them when they gathered around. "We HAVE to pitch in and SAVE the show for Cece's sake. See these big hats? Well stick your arms up inside them and pull them over your heads—See they have peepholes. Then we will draw lips around your belly buttons and a nose on your stomach and eyes on your chest and you will look like you are whistling! It will be great—All you have to do is stand there and wiggle a little bit."

"judi—there is only one problem. When men do this, you draw the eyes on their chests" Cathy F said patiently.

"So?" judi was struggling to put a hat on a squirming Cindy B.

"Well, we have boobies—No one is drawing eyeballs on my boobies!!!" Spud crossed both arms across her chest protectively.

"Harm can draw on my boobies!" Crossy declared excitedly

"The googly-eyed Navel Whistlers—"added Brigitte jiggling as she jumped up and down.

"No way—We'll look like the saggy, bug eyed Navel Whistlers!!" Matou yelled.

"Ok," judi said quickly. "Start getting ready. I'll think of something." She ran off to the handy wardrobe room and came back and threw something at the women. "Put these on and I will stall for time with my act while you are getting ready—just give me a signal when you're ready."

Judi ran out on stage and said nervously—"Well there has been another short delay—
BUT—I wanted to do something special for Cece's birthday too and since I'm not creative like the rest of you. I thought I'd do the only thing I know how to do – code!!!

We will start with Computer Programming Lesson 69. Ok, I skipped 1 through 68, so sue me!
Now down to business. In honor of my protégé, Cece, we are going to learn how to write a simple computer program. Now what you must understand is that Cece didn’t know much about how computers work when we met and well, I knew nothing about real English. Now every other word out of my mouth is bugger and she's talking bits, bytes and nibbles –

But she recently had a setback. Don’t ask her about the time she thought her computer died and she called me all the way from Vancouver and I told her to check the plug. Cor Blimey Governor! it worked !!! LOL Boy was she cheesed off that it was just the bloody plug. Sod it!!! But in reality it was – FM. That’s a technical term which means - fine magic. (I bet Michelle and Techie know this one.)

We are going to write the program in pseudocode. Pseudocode is an outting (bugger all!) outline of a program written in a form that can easily be converted into real programming statements So the computer can’t read this but y’all will understand it. So here goes:

All programs have variables defanged (oh blimey, I mistyped) defined. Variables are vultures (sod it, that's not right) values that can change depending on conditions. This is the mean (I can't bloody well type) main part of the program. If you branch to a function, when the function is finished, you return to main. So let us first define a variable called HarmsClothes.

Main
Define HarmsClothes as text

** Now we’ll use HarmsClothes in an IF THEN statement. This gives choices to the user. Forever instance:

IF HarmsClothes = DressWhites
THEN GOTO Em_Jay
ELSE
IF HarmsClothes = Boxers
THEN GOTO Shell
ELSE
IF HarmsClothes = NULL
THEN GOTO Trish OR Abby
ELSE
IF HarmsClothes = Shorts
THEN GOTO RDOL
ELSE
IF HarmsClothes = chocolate
THEN GOTO CatMom OR CQ
IF HarmsClothes = TrenchCoat
THEN GOTO Cece
ELSE
GOTO AllHarmyBoarders ** If all condi fails, then take a donnybrook at the HarmyBoard
END IF

End Main *** Bugger off


Each of the GOTOs tell you to go to a particular FUNCTION. So in the case of Cece, it will go to a function called Cece. Also, in this function, you will learn about loops. That's where the same action repeats itself for however long you tell it to, using i as the counter. Remember that when you enter the function that HarmsClothes means TrenchCoat.

Cece
DEFINE BritTart AS TYPE CanadianHussy
DEFINE Nookie AS TYPE HotMonkeySex
DEFINE Harm AS TYPE Stud

FOR i = 1 to 100 ** This action will be performed 100 times.
HarmsClothes = null ** I have changed HarmsClothes to nothing
MOVE Harm to BritTart
Nookie = Harm + BritTart
NEXT i ** add 1 to i
Loop
END FUNCTION ** Return to main part of the program

Also, you've got to be careful of an endless loop. That's where i never gets to 100 and the loop goes on forever which I'm sure what Cece would prefer. LOL Of course, Harm would be gobsmacked that Cec can keep up with him.

So now y'all have your computer lesson and if you understood any of this, you are now a certifiable HarmyNerd or a BarmyHarmy. Oh BTW, to be a programmer, you must drink coffee and lots of it. Some can get away with spot of tea or coke, but not many. If someone bothers you while you're getting your caffeine fix, tell them to put a sock in it! Thank you and I hope you have learned a lot!"
The audience was transfixed, not that they understood a word judi was saying, but with that crowd if you used the word Harm, no clothes, nookie and Hot Monkey Sex you could keep their attention for hours.
Suddenly judi got the signal from off stage that the Whistlers were ready to take their places. "Ok ladies- it is now time for our next act."
The curtain opened to reveal the women wearing giant top hats covering their faces, black sports bras over their boobs and red lipstick on their navels. They marched and wiggled to the tune of The Bridge on the River as judi announced, "I give you the blindfolded Navel Whistlers!!"
(whistling emoticons)

Cece was still pouting, while she watched the whistlers, but she cheered up when Harm returned sans Lauri. He settled in beside her and took her hand once more.

The whistlers were onstage whistling while backstage Mz. Bob, Trish, judi, Shell, Tracy, manette and the visiting honorary Texas Tart CB, dressed in sequined dresses and impossibly high heels, were talking all at once. They were not happy.

"A kick line?!" Tracy grumbled.

"We can’t do a kick line! I can't even walk in these shoes-- " Shell moaned as she wobbled around in small circles.

"Who’s idea WAS this anyway? Can’t we do something ELSE?" Everyone looked at judi.

"Like WHAT? Tell me what talent anyone here has!" judi asked pointedly.

Trish frantically waved her hand in air, "OOOO!!!! OOOOO!!!!"

"That we won’t be arrested for!" judi said as she put her hands on her hips.

"Ohhh—ummm--never mind," Trish mumbled.

"Exactly. Now shut up and get… WHAT is that SMELL??!!! Oh gee… MZ Bob! Are you wearing Ben Gay? Ladies.. sigh.. we are TRYING to exude YOUTHFUL exuberance! Now get with the PROGRAM! Somebody raise the curtain! Ready?! And…."

"WAIT!!!!"

"What? NOW?!!! Hold the curtain! Sigh.. What is it, Shell?"

"Where’s Harm? Judi, YOU said Harm would be here. YOU said …"

"He’s in the audience."

"He’s in the audience? WHERE?"

The curtain went up as the sound of CanCan music filled the hall.

"We’re on! Go! Go! Go! One… Two… Three.. KICK!"

"Where’s Harm? Pant! Pant! KICK! Tracy! Do you see him? Two.. three.. KICK!"

"OW!!! Hey! Watch it, CB! Three.. KICK!"

"My eye! My eye! KICK! Where’s Harm? Two.. three… I don’t see him. KICK! Mz. Bob! Can you see Har…KICK! Owwwww…."

Oh.. I think I HURT myself…. RIIIIIPPPPPPPP!!!!! Ut Oh .. there goes the Birthday banner. Two.. three… KICK! Shell’s not going to like that. She stayed up all night piecing this thing together…two.. three.. KICK!"

"Who cares.. Where’s HARM?!! "

"One .. two…. Oh man.. I’m getting tired… three KICK! Wait! I think I see him! Oh my GOSH! There he IS!!!! GEEEEETTTTT HIMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!"

With their arms still wrapped around each other's shoulders they rushed to the front of the stage toward Harmkins. Suddenly, simultaneous calf cramps did them in. They tripped over their high heels and started falling like dominoes. Soon they were just a tangled mass of moaning, groaning sequins.

judi crawled out from under the pile and watched them flop around like fish out of water. It was obvious that they couldn't get up so she pulled the lever on the trap door. The floor dropped out from under them, and they rolled out into the back parking lot.

The audience, thinking it was the big finale, stood and gave them an earth-shaking ovation as they disappeared from view.

The Texas Tarts scraped themselves off the concrete and looked around the back parking lot. It was filled with the tattered and torn Harmyboard acts—They were all tired but happy. They knew that they had given their all to honor Cece. The bruised and battered bunch looked up in time to see Harm as he carried Cece out of the theatre and dropped her into his corvette. It started with one lone voice but soon the Harmyville night was filled with song---and as the happy couple drove away they could hear---

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR CECE!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOUU!"

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