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Date Posted: 22:06:30 05/12/03 Mon
Author: asdf
Subject: asdfas

May10 version


Harm looked at the invitation in his hand as he entered the Harmyville Memorial Theatre. He had been invited to a special Talent Show in honor of Cecilia's Birthday. He was used to spending birthday's with the HB women and while he KNEW first hand that they were a talented bunch—It wasn't exactly the kind of talent that belonged on a stage…

Warily, he walked into the theater and was amazed at all the vendor booths that filled the lobby. He noticed:

Cindy B's Legs

—frantic women were crowded around the booth buying the precious legs as fast as a frazzled Cindy B could sew and stuff them.

Crossy's Party Palz

- he blushed at some of the memories those brought back and hurried past before anyone noticed him.

manette's Meat Tray and Plaster Palace

- aaaahhhh good times, he sighed on his way past the bustling crowd.

He hurried into the darkened auditorium, wanting to get a good seat and he found one waiting for him right beside the birthday girl, Cecilia. Grabbing her hand he settled in to wait for the show to begin. This should be different…

Suddenly a spotlight hit the stage, a hush fell over the murmuring crowd, and judi walked out from behind the curtain. She approached the microphone—"In honor of Cecilia's birthday, I would like to welcome you all to the first annual Harmyhoard Board Talent Show!"

~Thunderous applause –Stamping feet—WOOOO HOOOOO~

"For our first act I give you the Harmyboard Chorus!!!"

The curtain opened to reveal a mob of motley women—some with bags over their heads standing on risers. Old Spice stepped forward and waved to the crowd, then turned and raised her hands to lead the group in song. "We love you HARMY…Oh yes we DOOO."

Out in the audience Cece leaned over to Harm and whispered—I see Jbird,CQ, Spud, Claudia, Emjay, Techie and Ashke, but I don't recognize some of those other women do you?"

Harm, who was a master at juggling lots of women told her quickly and quietly so as not to interfere with the performance, "That is jersey girl, Rita B, Araninda, Vivienne, Lindy S, Aims, Carmy, Carol D, Caroll, Alicia, LRM. Aerogirl," he paused to take a deep breath. "Jaggar, Kathy, kay, Bookworm Girl, Josie, docphil, Brenda, Gracie, Amanda Adams, Dragon, Scotty, DJEgirl, Sarah S, Katerina, Beth, andie, sydney possem Shipper Mom, Erin and Rachel…"

"WE love you HARMY and we'll be TRUUE."

"Wow, Harm- you really know your Harmyboarders, but who are the ones with the bags over their heads?" Cece asked as she batted her eyes at Harm coyly.

"Oh, those are the lurkers," Harm said with a grin. Suddenly his beeper went off . He read the message and said, "Excuse me, Cece. It seems I am needed backstage….but I'll be back, my little birthday girl.." He ran his thumb across her cheek—as he was won't to do—and disappeared. On stage the choir was finishing their number.

"When you're not with us –WE"RE BLUE!!!!! Oh Harmy- WE love YOU!!!! Oh and Happy Birthday to Cece…and many mooooooore"!!!

Old Spice and the choir took a bow then ran off the stage.

Meanwhile backstage Michelle was excitedly speaking with Judi."So, Michy --- where’s your entry for Cece’s birthday talent show? We’re about to go on!"

“Here ya go, Judi!” Michelle grinned shoving a script in her hands.

~as judi reads an increasing look of horror appears on her face!~

"MICHELLE!!!!"

What?

"I can’t let you do THIS!"

"Why not?"

"It’s …..it’s ……"

"What?"

"Disgusting!"

"It is not! What do you mean? Where? I am… well.. I am just HIGHLY offended.. and.. and.. SURPRISED! You WOUND me, Judi!"

"Come on, Michelle! You & Harm – O.K. Even you in the cowgirl outfit and Harm in just the chaps – O.K. But the COW? Why, VOY would shut down our ceremoany.. not to mention my Board!"

"Oh, you’re just being a prude!" Michelle was incensed.

"I am not!"

"Oh yes you are! And here I thought it was YOU who put the “D” in RDOL! HA! You’re a big fraud!"

~Judi is speechless..~

"Alright alright …… how about I take out the cow?"

"Oh good! .. and the flying monkeys!"

"Take out the Flying Monkeys TOO??????? You’ll ruin the whole thing!"

"Michelle ……"

"It isn’t even interesting without the flying monkeys!"

"'Interesting' isn’t exactly how I’d characterize it."

"You’re just no fun anymore, judi! Just forget the whole thing."

"Now, Michy …..It’s just that… well.. you know.. Cece is so … cultured… and .. refined.. I don’t think she’d APPRECIATE it like … well… perhaps someone ELSE might."

"I know… It’s just that…it’s ruined without the cow AND the monkeys…."

"I know.. I’m sorry, really …."

"That’s o.k. I understand. Maybe I can use it some other time."

"Sure. Good idea. When?"

"When’s LU’S birthday?????????"

Michelle returned to her seat, sulking and muttering about the Resident Prude Old Lady. As if on cue, Lu frantically ran up. Judi tried to hide, but it was too late. Lu had spotted her.

"judi, I’m glad you’re here. I have a question…

Lu. Please. NO more QUESTIONS! Just.. ask manette,” Judi pleaded, popping two dry aspirins.

Oh.. o.k… but.. I still have a question for you.

Sigh.. what is it?

Well.. it’s just that I’m confused. I THOUGHT you wanted Manette and I to…..

AAAAIIIIIIGHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Gack! Nevermind! Nevermind! Sheesh. You know.. you really should check about that nervous problem of yours… And.. how many of those aspirins have you HAD today? Umm… Anyway… , I really DO have a question only you can answer.

Sigh.. O.k.. go ahead…

Why was this cow in my living room this morning?

Oh.. ummm….

I found her there when I woke up!! There was a Dale Evans suit tied around it’s neck, and a note to show up here for Cece’s BD ceremoany. I don’t suppose YOU know anything about that, do you?"



"That’s what I thought. Sigh… Judi.. Can you even comprehend the MESS it made in my living room? There’s not enough cat litter in the Universe to handle something like that. And speaking of cats, mine’s going to need therapy BIG TIME after Princess Poo here played cat box bingo this a.m.!!"

"Uhh.. her name is Princess Moo.." judi said helpfully.

"WHATEVER! Oh.. and just in case you don’t know this already.. I am NOT putting that outfit on." Lu crossed her arms stubbornly.

"But Luoodles!" judi said slyly. "Haven’t your heard? HARM is going to be a cowBOY! And you can be his cowGIRL!"

"What? Are you sure?" asked Lu, instantly becoming more interested.

"Oh absolutely. Now.. I’ve heard that you used to be QUITE the rider in your day! Why don’t you show off some of your stuff from the back of your trusty steed, “Princess Moo.”

"Trusty steed 'Moo'??? The COW?! Oh.. You’ve got to be kidding me. I’m not riding that thing!"

"But Lu! Remember your youth? You know… YEEE HAAWWW and all that. PLUS, you’ll have plenty of time to do all SORTS of tricks. Look how SLOW she moves. It’ll be perfect! And as your last trick you can LEAP from the cow’s back into the waiting arms of Harmkins. Then you and he can ride off into the sunset together! Whatdaya say?!" judi knew how to play Lu like a fiddle.

"I say saddle up that DOGGIE!" Lu screamed as she stripped and threw on the COWgirl outfit. ~screams were heard in the background as several stage hands staggered off, blinded by the fishbelly whiteness of bare Lu.~

"Let's here it for the chorus," judi said as she walked back out on stage, removing her sunglasses. "For our next act we have a special treat! Our very own Lu is going to amaze us with trick riding! May I present Luoodles and Princess Moo!!"

The curtain rose and a hush fell over the audience as a cow began to plod across the stage chewing its cud, it's bell clanging.

Michelle looked up in disbelief. Leaping to her feet she began screaming, “That’s MY cow! That woman STOLE my COW!!!” Two security guards discreetly drug her from the audience as judi popped two more Excedrin and a valium for good measure.

Oblivious of Michy’s disturbance Luoodles waved to the crowd and then stood up on the cow's back, wobbling on one foot as it meandered across the stage. Encouraged by the wide eyed wonder of the crowd she dropped down into the saddle once before lifting herself up on her arms and swinging her legs in mighty circles as the cow looked back at her disinterestedly. Deciding for a big finish, she balanced herself on her head and was halfway up into a headstand when Harmkins rode up on his Mighty Stallion. The crowd went wild at the sight of Harmipoo. Cameras flashed all over the auditorium, startling Miss Moo who abruptly went nuts, galloping around the stage in a mad, desperate attempt to escape the blinding lights. Finally it leapt from the stage and went bawling down the aisle and out onto the street, Lu wrapped around it’s neck like a bandana. The curtain came down on a startled Harm and his horse as judi hurried back out onto the stage.

"Don't worry folks, Lu is fine. Princess Moo spotted Michelle across the parking lot and made a beeline for her…~cough~...ANYWAY…for our next act we have …" judi stopped as a woman, looking kinda like Barbie on steroids, strode across the stage tugging along two little girls clad in “GO NAVY” jammies.

The woman, dressed in a thick, purple spa-type robe, had huge HUGE pink curlers in her thinning hair and some icky looking slime on her face. On her feet were these enormous furry Garfield slippers that scuffed as she walked. In her left hand she carried a massive boom box, like the kind that rappers carry.

“Oh, Harmmmmyyyy!” she sang out, a smile cracking through the junk on her face. “Where are you Harmykins?”

The girls held each other’s hand, with the younger one sucking her thumb and cuddling a blankie and an orange Tigger.

“Mommy’s at it again,” the older one whispered into her sister’s ear, “I can’t believe she’s making us help too.”

The younger one pulled her thumb out of her mouth just long enough to ask her sister, “Is she still sweepin?” then immediately stuck her thumb back into place as she hung onto her Tigger for dear life.

“Yup. She’s sleeping,” the older one said, adding, “I hope she doesn’t sing this time!”

The younger one shuddered and grabbed hold of her sister’s arm crying, “I wanna go home! Where’s Daddy?”

“I dunno,” the older girl said, shrugging her shoulders, “I heard Mommy say something about a closet.”

Amidst the throng of women sat Pretz and CatMom, noticing immediately through the gunk on the woman’s face, that it was CharS.

“Oh . . . My. . . GOSH!” gasped Pretz, “She’s sleepwalking again! And she’s brought the kids this time!”

“THIS could get ugly. Where's Sarahsue? We're gonna need her help,” CatMom whispered.

“Ugly? THAT’s an undersÿ

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