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Date Posted: 21:39:14 09/16/02 Mon
Author: Lu
Subject: Golden Luoodle Attempt No. 438




May I have a drum roll please!!! We hereby present the July.. no.. now it’s August WHOOPS nope SEPTEMBER! The September 2002 Golden Luoodle Award to..... HEATHER!!!!! Wooooo Hoooooo!!!!!!

In case some of the Newbies don't know, Heather has been around and posting since before most of us even heard of a JAG board. She's a non-shipper but we try not to hold that against her. Well...o.k. Judi MAKES us not hold that against her.... Anyway, her vocation is "domestic goddess" but fortunately for us she's also a JAG fanfic writer extraordinare! The last one she wrote over on the Harmyboard was.. well it was.. ummm... well... lets just say my monitor melted! It's not surprising Heather holds the "prestigious" title of Blue Angel #3!

Now, on to the ceremoany!!! Assisting me tonight with Heather's Gluoodle will be none other then Trish!! Come on out, Trish!

Whooooo baybee!!! Heather is heading down Love Muff-in Lane tonight! Yum Yum Alert!!! YAWZA!! They're gonna be doin' the WILD thang! Oh mama, oh mama!

Trish!

What?!

Goodbye, Trish.

Awwwwww...... Come on, Lu. I'm just having fun!

Out. Out! OUT! I've LEARNED my lesson. Scoot. Skidaddle. I'll handle this myself! Sheesh.

~ BEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPP!!!!! ~


Wait. What's that coming across the monitor? Wait. Everyone be quiet! There's a special news bulletin! Trish, turn up the t.v. on your way out, dear.

You turn up your OWN dang t.v.! Grumble. Grumble. Tell me to leave. I NEVER! Grumble Grumble. Turn up the t.v. HA!

~ BEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPP!!!!! ~


We interrupt this program to bring you a special report. This is Sean Havatme reporting LIVE from HBX News. This just in. Heather has won the September 2002 Golden Luoodle. Congratulations Heather! This has been a special live report. We now resume your regularly scheduled Gluoodle already in progress.

~ BEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPP!!!!! ~


Well for heaven's sake! How 'bout that. Huh. Well.. without further ado, let us welcome our latest Gluoodle recipient to the stage! Woooohhhooooooo!!!!! Come on out, Heather!

~Sound of things breaking~

Ow! Hey! Watch it, Lady! You're gonna put somebody's EYE out!

~Heather enters stage, glaring back over her shoulder at the nameless voice~

Oh my! Ummmm.... what a unique hair doo you have there, Heather.. ummm.....

~Heather glares at Lu~

Psssstt.... Heather, there's this new thing out now called "conditioner" and I believe ...

CONDITIONER! Conditioner?! Look! NOTHING takes this stuff out. NOTHING. What kind of SPIT does that dog HAVE?

I have no idea what you're speaking of, Heather. Perhaps you need a Snickers...

Oh don't start with that Miss Innocent line. I've been around here too long. I know all about you and your giant dog too! That yellow behemoth slobbered all over me and now I have to trim my hair with a chain saw!

Well actually... you know.... funny you should mention that, because chain saw art is catching on! Really! Why I was just at this carnival the other day and this guy took a hunk of wood and before you know it he'd carved that baby into a crocodile! Or maybe it was an Alligator. hmmm.... I always get those two mixed up... Saaaaayyyy... Heather, have YOU ever been to a carnival? Cause I 'm thinking with that hair you could....

ARRGGGGHHHH!!!!!

AAAAAIIIIIIIGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! TRISH! HELP!

Oh... so now it's help, is it? Sorry. I was just LEAVING.

~slam~

AAAAccckkk! Heather! If gasp gack OW! you wheeze kill me now GAAAACK you'll never choke whheeeezee get HARM! WHEEEEZZZZEEEEEEEE!

~Heather glares at Lu but reluctantly releases her~

Gaaaaaaaassssspp! Whhhhhheeezzzzzee... O.K. Maybe we should just whheeeeezzzzzeee move on to the ceremoany.

Yes! Maybe we SHOULD. Especially since I've been WAITING for TWO YEARS!!!!!!

Yes, well.. MY how time flies! ~cough~

Anyway, you wait back there behind the curtain for a bit and I'll get Harm. Just be a second!

~POOF!~

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no oh no ohnoohnoohno!

Hiya, Harmkins!!!!

Oh no Oh no. Oh no. Oh no oh no No no no no... please. no.

Oh for heaven's sake! Buck up! It's been AGES since I last poofed you. Here. Take one of my pills. It will calm you right down. Here. No! NO! You may NOT KEEP them!!!! Give them back! Give them to me! Give. Them. BACK! SWACK! Sheesh. Thank you. Maniac.
Oh my HEAVEN'S!! How many of these did you TAKE?!!!

Not enough apparently. I'm still here!

Oh my GOSH! How do you feel??

Actually... I feel kind of .. GREAT! Wow! What kind of pills were zay?

They're for NERVES!

Really? I don't fweel nervous at ALL! They mush not work bery well... Wow... howd you get those flowrs to grow out of za wall paper like thlat? Thlat is weally cool man. Hmmm... my mowuth doesn't sleem to be working berwy well. Can you slee my wips moobing? Am I tawlking to yew?

Oh my GOSH! Uhh.. you just sit here whilst I call poison control, k?

Okie Dokie Doodlies!

Heather! HEATHER!!!! Get out here!

What? Where? What's happening? Oh my GOSH! It's HARM! What... What's... WRONG with him???

He took a HANDFUL of my TRANQS!

You... you DRUGGED him? I wait TWO YEARS for a Gluoodle and Harm and you DRUGGED HIM???!!!

Well Not on PURPOSE!!!

Oh right, like my hair was not on purpose either!

Right! Exactly! Now. Stay with him whilst I call the doc!

~Heather sighs and sits down next to Harm.~

Hi! I sure do like that purdy hair doo.

Uh, thanks.

Gosh you look purdy. Have you alwayz had three headz?

Uh, no.

Well, they sure are purdy movin' all over za place like thatphl.

Gee thanks.

..... ..............THUD! ZZZZZZZzzzzzzz

GACK!

~ Meanwhile..... ~

Hello? Hello? Poison control? Is this Fred? Hi, Fred, it's Lu again. Yes. No! My family didn't confuse Mrs. Bingo's food w/ their own supper again. No. I TOLD you that was just a silly mistake. Besides, Hubby said supper never tasted better that night.... ~cough~ ANYWAY.. I have an EMERGENCY here. What? Yes. I know I have lots of emergencies. Yes. I know. We're the poster family for Ipecac syrup. Yes. I heard that. Sigh.. Yes. That's nice. Yes.. very sweet of you to name your dog after me. Anyway... I've got a problem.....

~

Back. Oh good, he's sleeping. O.K. Poison Control says he'll just sleep for awhile and then be fine. Shew! THAT's a relief! Well.. uh.. Heather.. umm... Here's your Gluoodle. And ummm.. you go ahead and take Harmkins home with you. Have him back by noon tomorrow. That gives you two love birds ... let's see... 16 hours! Gotta go now! Tuoodles!

Wait a minute. You said he'd sleep for a while. How long is "a while?"

Ummm... when did he fall asleep?

Just now.

O.K. He should be waking up around one o'clock then. Well. I best be going!

One o'clock A.M.?

Uh.. no. PM... Next Wednesday.

You're dead.

Yes. I know.. HEATHER! I'm SORRY. I didn't know this was going to happen! HONEST. Look.. maybe we can get some coffee into him and wake him up a bit for you and .. Heather? Heather? Heather... don't look at me that way, dear. You're SCARING me, Heather.. ummmm... AAAAAAAIIIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!

Heather....moan..... Heather is that you, sweet thing? Moan......

Wha... What? WAIT! What did he say?!

What? I don't know.. I was concentrating on dodging your axe. And btw, do you ALWAYS walk around carrying that thing??!! And where on earth do you KEEP it?

Heather.. oh Heather... take off that towel.......Moan.....

AAAAAIIIIIGGHHHHHH!!!!!! Oh my GOSH! Lu. Wake him up! Wake. Him. UP! Poof him or something. HE'S CALLING MY NAME!!!!! DO something!

AIIGHHHH!!!! Watch the axe! Watch the axe! Like WHAT? What the heck am "I" supposed to do, you... you axe wielding maniac! Sheesh. It’s like I’m dealing with a cross between Yosemite Sam and Lizzie Borden on crack! I'm not going to even MENTION Woody Woodpecker. You are one scary woman, do you know that? I've never seen anything like....

Look. You haven't SEEN scary yet. You get him awake PRONTO. You figure something out and I don't mean maybe. AND MAKE IT SNAPPY!!

O.K. O.K. CALM down. Let me THINK. O.K. How 'bout we get some wire and sort of string him up.. you know sort of like Pinochio? I could...



No. That wouldn't be good. O.k. Plan B. Harmkins! Oh Harmkins! Wakey Wakey! Sigh. I KNOW! How 'bout you pick someone ELSE? I could poof them and...



No. O.k. Yes. Gotcha. ONLY Harm. Sigh.. O.K. Ummmmm....... How 'bout this?!

~throws bucket of ice water on Harm~

KaPluuusssshhhhh!!!!!!!!

AAAAIIIIIIGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! ~ Harms shoots skyward ~ Holy SMOKES that's COLD! Who did that? What happened? Where am I?

It worked! It worked! Oh,Harm! You're awake! Oh thank GOODNESS! We were worried about you, dear. Well.. actually, I was more worried about me.. ~cough~ ANYHOO... Congratulations! Harmkins, meet this month's Golden Luoodle recipient Miss Heather. Apparently you've already met her in your DREAMS. Oh how romantic is THAT! Heather, here's Harmkins! All awake and ready to serve..eer... come... er... anyway. He's ready. Oh MY is he ready!

Dang! My clothes are all wet and clingy now.

Trust me dear, that's a feature. Heather? Heather dear? It's time!

Heather? Did you say, “Heather?” Surely you don’t mean …. “my” Heather? The woman of my dreams? The one I’ve been waiting for year after year lest I dare risk my heart and tell her of my love? In my loneliness I’ve spent my life half-heartedly pursuing a co-worker, but my heart was never truly hers. Not when I knew my one true love was still out there. Now here you are. Heather, Ho Heather, will you MARRY ME?



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